Of Evil Expressos and Ramen
by I'maUnitato
Summary: Pissing off an extremely powerful primordial goddess was one thing. Making her curse the Olympians into younger, powerless mortals, was another. Forced to attend college to "blend in" was the easy part. Now, acting normal and dealing with everyday problems? Not so much. Well, there's a reason why Zeus isn't the God of Wisdom... (CRACK FIC! OOC-NESS! READ AT YOUR OWN DEMISE!)
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own PJO, any of the Olympians, or any of the things I mention. If I did own PJO, I would be rich and powerful like Rick.**

A/N: This is my first story, so if I make mistakes/errors/etc., I'm sorry. I'm just posting this story because I was thinking about it a lot, and found it in my journal. Some characters may seem ooc to you, but that's because in the books they didn't get enough down time for me to _really understand_ the characters' personality. If you have  any suggestions/questions, feel free to message me.:)

Now, without further ado!

* * *

The flash blinded most of the occupants of the room.

"Turn!" The guard was a built woman in her 40's maybe 50's. The look in her eyes was void of any amusement.

"What if I don't want to turn? Hmm?"

The young lady speaking back was a mess. Her beautiful blonde locks of hair were matted down with sweat and grease. Her face was muddy and she had a tired expression.

Her voice was high pitched and full of sass, even as she had her mug shots taken.

But, alas, she was promptly ignored as the guard snapped a few more photos and called "NEXT!"

The next man who walked up had a nervous smile on his handsome face. His blinding white smile that would usually melt the hearts of girls on the spot did nothing to deter the ice cold guard. "I'm going to need you to change into these." She threw a pair of clothes.

"What?" He asked, catching them.

"Take off your clothes." She repeated, mildly annoyed.

"I don't strip unless it's for money", the man tried joking, to lighten the mood.

Nobody laughed.

"Tough crowd.", he murmured.

The next few people went through the same thing.

From an outsiders perspective, these 13 college students looked like the typical party animal gone wrong kids. Maybe 19 or 20. The only thing different was their beauty. Even the men had a certain look to them that made people look twice.

So...what were they doing in jail? Looking like they went through a garbage disposal?

And, who were these people? Where did they come from?

Well, you wouldn't believe me if I told you...

What's that? You want to know anyways?

Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you...

They're Olympians. That's right. Believe it or not, these 13 "students" are actually gods in disguise.

And oh boy, are they in big trouble...


	2. Zeus is greek for 'stupid'

**Disclaimer: I do not own PJO or any book for that matter.**

 **A/N:** Hope you like it so far! My take on some characters might be different than some other people's. I wrote this story a few years ago in my journal, and I was not the best a grammar, (psshh, I still suck at grammar. To this day I spelled grammar with an "er"...I don't know how I passed elementary school), so if you find mistakes, please tell me so I can fix them!

* * *

 **A few months earlier...**

"He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast and he's gotta be fresh from the fight! _I NEED A HEROOO! IM HOLDING OUT FOR A_ -"

"For Zeus's sake Apollo! SHUT UP!"

Zeus pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Yes, for my sake, stop your singing."

Artemis snorted. "Singing? More like screeching. I swear to Hades I heard better noises coming from a dying cat."

Apollo looked offended. "You would know what a dying cat sounds like. I bet you run over cats on purpose! Evil! Pure evil! Shame on you, little sis."

Before Artemis could yell, or damage Apollo in his, ahem nether regions, Hermes cleared his throat and nodded towards a glaring Zeus. Both siblings shut up quick.

"We can begin now that everyone is here." Zeus started.

"There are new powers arising, more powerful. We must investigate before doing any real damage."

He held up his hand to stop everyone from talking at once.

"Yes, I know. It's terrible, it's horrible. Now stop rupturing my eardrums!

There was silence. And Zeus smirked. Oh, the power he had.

"Now, there is someone who is willing to help us. She is a very powerful primordial."

Athena started listing all the primordial goddesses in her head. Could it be Hemera? Chimera? Nyx?

Right after her last thought, the door to the throne room opened, and a beautiful woman strolled in. She was gorgeous, yes, but in a dangerous way. She was tall, with skin as pale as snow, literally, with a purple tint. Her black shiny hair was long and fell in curls past her waist. She was wearing a lacy black dress as dark as night that resembled a corset, and black heels that looked painful to walk in. The most intimidating thing about her was her eyes, which had no irises or pupils. They were a bright white and glowed in the literal sense. Her aura was strong, waving around her as she walked slowly in front of Zeus.

He was slightly miffed that she didn't bothering bowing or showing an outward sign of respect.

"I am here for one reason only. And that is to give you some information regarding the strange occurrences happening around the world. So, hello... _Olympians_."

She said the word "Olympians" as if she was saying " _dirty socks_ " or " _vermin_ ".

Needless to say, everyone in the room looked mildly offended.

"If I may, Zeus, let us discuss this together."

Zeus nodded, as if to say "go on".

"Alone." She added, pointing to the exit doors.

Zeus huffed, annoyed that he had to move, but nevertheless followed , not wanting to anger the powerful goddess.

He felt the states follow him until the doors closed.

Everybody started talking at once.

"Who is she?"

"What does she want to talk about?"

"Why can't we be part of the conversation?"

"I wonder where she gets her hair products?"

Athena quieted everyone with her glare. Nobody liked being on the Wisdom Goddess's bad side.

A pissed Athena was a scary Athena.

Hestia, who was quiet the whole time, sent a grateful smile towards Athena.

"Now," she said. "We just need to wait it out."

Artemis nodded her head in agreement. "Father might be rash, but he's not suicidal. He wouldn't say something offensive. He's not _that_ stu-"

"HOW DARE YOU!"

The door flew open with such a force, that it wouldn't be a surprise if they broke. In walked, no, _stomped_ a very angry primordial goddess. Her aura, if possible, was even more powerful than before. And, oh was she pissed. Her glowing eyes were now black, and a deep scowl was etched on her beautiful face. The only other indication that she was mad, were her clenched fists.

Zeus walked in, equally angered, but wearing a slightly guilty expression on his face.

Uh, oh. This definitely couldn't be good.

Everyone looked a little anxious.

Except Ares. He just looked excited.

...Creep.

Furious, the powerful goddess glared at everyone.

"This is the reason why you have enemies and adversaries. Why you shall perish by your own hands. Vengeance shall take it's toll upon you all."

"Wow..." Apollo said, after a moment. "That's a great idea for a poem! Enemies! Perish! _Vengeance!_ Wonder why _I_ didn't think of that?"

Mostly everyone ignored him.

"Heed my words. You will pay for your disrespect, Zeus."

There was a huge cloud of black smoke, and a second later, she was gone.

Hera looked exasperated. "What. Did. You. _Do_?!"

"I might have said that we are more powerful than her, and I didn't need to plead for her help because we aren't _that_ desperate..."

Hera looked annoyed, murderous, and scared at the same time if that was possible.

"You might have? Or you did?"

"I might have did..."

Hades didn't look surprised. "Well, brother. I think congratulations are in order. Just when I thought you couldn't get stupider...this happens."

Poseidon interrupted before his two brothers could attack each other. "Um, well...That went..."

Demeter cut him off, waving her hand around. "Okay, I think we can all agree that Zeus is an idiot. And were in trouble. Well, in bigger trouble."

Poseidon rubbed his face and snorted. "You just _had_ to open your mouth?"

This time Hephaestus put in his two cents. "Instead of fighting each other, don't we need to focus on the problem at hand? What did she say again? We'll be punished or something?"

Hermes cleared his throat. "She said, and I quote _'Heed my words, you will pay for your disrespect, Zeus!'_ " He got many strange looks for making his voice higher pitched and feminine.

Artemis turned to her brother. "Apollo! You apparently know all, and see all. What does she mean?"

"Well, she could mean a lot of things. Revenge is a big word."

Athena stared at him. "It has 7 letters you idiot."

"Anyways, she probably meant that she won't be allying herself with us. Don't worry, don't fret. We'll be be okay, I bet." Apollo smiled at his poetry, and started mumbling to himself.

"Well," started Aphrodite, looking bored, "I, for one, am not worried. Like, what's the worst that could happen? I need wine."

Dionysus decided this would be the time to wake up. "Did someone say wine?"

Everyone decided to delay this dicussion for a later time. Athena and Hestia were still a bit worried. Powers greater than themselves were unpredictable.

But for the moment, everyone decided to deal with their own problems.

* * *

...Little did they know, in space somewhere, a certain powerful primordial was smirking.

 _Oh, yes_.

Revenge would be sweet. Maybe she was overreacting, but _nobody_ talked to her like that.

Checking the time, she closed her eyes. Soon, she was chanting a foreign language. It was softly at first, but slowly became louder.

After a few minutes, a change in temperature was felt around the world. There was a shake under the ground.

Finally she opened her eyes, and they glowed a red.

"You think yourselves powerful? What of you without your silly magic tricks?"

* * *

The first thing Hermes realized was that he was on the floor.

What was he doing on the floor?

His head spun as he sat down. He clutched his head in his hands and massaged his temples. His throat was dry.

Oh, _gods_.

He knew it wasn't the best idea to do Ambrosia shots with Apollo at 5am, when he was supposed to be delivering mail.

Oh, well. You're only in your mid-five thousands once!

But, wait.

Was he in the throne room? And why was he here? He was supposed to be in Sydney.

He heard a groan beside him, and noticed a blonde mop of golden hair.

"Apollo!"

The said god only groaned once more, and mumbled something incoherent.

He was about to ask a question, when a _very_ loud scream made everyone cover their ears.

 _Ugh!_ Everything was too loud and too bright. Since when did he have hangovers?

Since _now_ , apparently.

"OH MY GODS?! NO! WHY!?"

It was the identifiable voice of Aphrodite.

But, the woman currently screeching and crying was different. She looked about 20, give or take, with blonde hair, wearing modern clothing that was ripped and burnt. Right now, her face was red and splotchy with tears. Snot was under her nose as she wiped her face with her sleeve.

"I..I...My powers! They don't _work_!"

Standing up, Hermes realized that he felt smaller and shorter than usual. Looking at Apollo, he saw a look of disbelief on the sun god's face.

"Hermes? Why do you look...young?"

"Why, Apollo. I'm offended. You _are_ older than me." He joked.

When Apollo had no retort, and didn't even laugh, he got worried.

Hermes turned to the mirror that was always in the throne room, and nearly fell in shock.

The young man in the mirror was much younger.

His hair was now a dark brown with darker streaks.

His eyes were the same baby blue color.

The most surprising thing was his age. He looked about 20, which was strange. He never chose to look very young, preferring to look around 30 or older.

His gaping was interrupted by another scream, this time it was Hera.

"WHAT ON EARTH?"

She looked young, as well. Her beautiful face was scrunched up in outrage, and a tall man with black and electric blue eyes was comforting her. It took him a moment to realize, but...

"DAD?"

Apollo had a tone of defeat, and looked like he was going to pass out.

"I'm as surprised as you all, but we need to CALM DOWN!" Hades looked intimidating even if he was younger. His eyes were a dark brown, glaring at Zeus as if this was his fault.

Wait...

"HER! The primordial goddess! She...she made us...! Younger?"

Athena looked like was contemplating something. Her blonde hair was pulled into a bun, her grey eyes were calculating.

"Hermes! Try to summon something."

Hermes did as he was told, except...he couldn't.

"I...can't. I can't sense any powers or auras. What does that mean?"

Athena opened her mouth, but it was Hestia who answered. She looked older also, she was twirling her red hair and her brown eyes were full of worry.

"I'm afraid that we have no powers. We were stripped of them."

Ares took this time to talk. He actually _had_ hair now (bravo), but his permanent scowl was still there.

"What do you mean 'stripped of them'? How can we get them back?"

"For once I agree with Ares," Artemis said, looking utterly disgusted with that fact. "I have to ride my chariot tonight, like always. And I have to get back to the hunt. How will I transport myself?"

Poseidon nodded in agreement. "Yes, I have to get back to the sea. Amphitrite will have many questions. I'm supposed to be there right _now_."

Athena suddenly looked to Ares. "Do you have a knife on you?"

Out of nowhere, Ares threw a knife to her face with a fast pace.

She caught the knife in surprise and glared.

Then, she she pulled up her sleeve, and put the knife's edge to finger.

Everyone was confused. What was she _doing_?

Apollo took this time to act like his usual self. "Now, Athena.", he said in a mocking parental tone, "Now's not the time to go all emo on us!"

He was promptly ignrored, and threw his hands up in exasperation.

Finally, Athena cut herself lightly, and nearly dropped the knife in shock when blood dripped slowly from her bleeding finger.

You might ask "Blood dripping from a bleeding finger? Pssh, idiots! That's totally _normal_!"

But, the shock was understandable. Instead of the normal golden ichor that immortals bleed, it was _red._

There was deathly silence, you could hear a pin drop.

That silence was interrupted as Aphrodite burst into loud sobs.

Hermes chuckled nervously.

"Yep, were _so_ screwed."


	3. Bright ideas and Break-ins

**Disclaimer: Nope. Nuh, uh. Don't own nothing. I do not own the cities or towns I mention. Or the stores/places.**

 **A/N:** I'm going to try to make longer chapters.

Keep reading, and remember: reviews are appreciated!

* * *

"In the arms of the angel. Fly away from heeeere."

"Apollo, stop that! We're not _dying_!"

"We might as well wear t-shirts saying _'Former Gods. Please show us mercy'_. Seriously. Now we're mortal. Mortal. _MORTAL!"_

Athena sighed. "Yes, Hermes, I'm sure we're all familiar with the word. Yelling won't change the situation."

Ares grunted. "I agree with the package donkey."

"Hey!"

"Mortal? _Us?_ This is a nightmare. How will we _survive_? And the new enemies? How will we defend ourselves?"

Athena must have looked taken aback by the wisdom in his words because he rolled his eyes.

"I can be smart when I want to be. Wars are fun. Punishment is fun. But you know what's not fun? When _I'm_ the one being punished!"

Hermes nodded, although still pouting about the offensive comment. "Yeah, this is like a prank gone too far..."

Dionysus looked surprisingly calm about the whole thing. Knowing him, he must've seen and did crazier things. He looked rather handsome, (I know. Shocker.) with shiny black hair and violet blue eyes.

"Speaking of pranks Hermes, was it you who who put grape juice in my wine bottle? That was nasty trixies."

Demeter looked ready to hit the next person who talked. Hera wasn't doing any better. She kept poking her face in wonder.

Aphrodite finally calmed down, but she was still sniffling and hiccuping.

"So? What are we gonna do? I can't live like this! I need my abilities. What if I need to change my clothes? What if I need to check my makeup? Mhmm? I can't carry a...a _backpack_! I'm not lowering my standards to that extent!"

Hestia looked at her calmly. "Aphrodite. You must compose yourself. The sooner we figure out how to get back our powers, the sooner we can all go back to our normal routines."

Hades sighed exasperatedly. "I thought _that_ was obvious. We have to contact Nyx. It was obviously her who did this."

Poseidon nodded. "I second that. She's the only one who can help us. This time, everybody has to make sure we don't anger her. Okay? _Everybody_!"

He looked pointedly at Zeus, who looked away and pursed his lips.

"Fine. It's not like I said something _too_ bad."

Dionysus snorted. "Right. You basically told her to shove her help up her-"

Hera hissed, "Okay, we get it. No need to play the blame game. We need to work together. Forgive and forget and all that. We are family and family... _Zeus don't touch me_...sticks together."

Zeus pouted as he retracted his hovering hand.

Apollo clucked his tongue.

"Well, it's not like we can just call her. What do we need to contact her? A blood sacrifice? I vote Ares!"

Said God glared at him and cracked his knuckles. "You know, now that were mortal, I can kick your ass without your freaky healing powers in the way."

Apollo chucked nervously. "Heehee. It was a _joke_! You know. Just a good old ha-ha to lighten the mood!"

Artemis shook her head at her brother's antics. "So besides a sacrifice of some sort..."

"A blood sacrifice to summon the devil to do our bidding..." Corrected Apollo.

"Whatever. Anyone else have any other grand ideas?"

Hades looked tired. He rubbed at his face with the back of his hand.

"Why don't we just call for her? Send her a message via thinking?"

Hestia smiled softly at her brother.

"That sounds like a marvelous idea!"

And so, for the next hour, every god and goddess (albeit some reluctantly) prayed, thought, and pleaded for Nyx to come.

Finally, a wind blew, and there was a black fog.

Nyx walked towards everyone, smiling brightly, as if nothing happened.

Before anyone could yell, she held up a finger.

"I know you all must have questions, and I'm willing to answer most."

"Yeah," Zeus spat, glaring. "No kidding." Hera put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, warning him.

She smiled at Nyx, an obviously fake smile. "My dear, um, would you be so kind as do tell us what happened to us."

Nyx cocked her head to the side and smiled.

"Well, I thought that part was obvious. I stripped you of your powers. You are all now mortal."

Hephaestus scowled. "Yeah, we got _that_ part. The part we don't get, is why?"

Athena agreed. "Yes, and when can we get them back?"

Nyx smirked, and everyone had one thought in their heads.

 _Oh shit._

"Well, it's obvious you all take your powers for granted. You all are too proud, too _arrogant_. I thought this should knock you down a peg or two. Teach you something."

Hermes rubbed his hands together. "Well consider me pegged. We have totally learned our lesson!"

Apollo nodded vigorously. "Mhmm. _Totally_. Lesson officially learned. We did have a great teacher..."

Nyx looked unimpressed at the poor attempt at flirting.

Zeus spoke up. "I understand that I must have offended you. But, is this really necessary? What must we do to get back put immortality?"

Looking thoughtful for a moment, Nyx squinted her eyes.

"Well, I was just going to give you back your powers after a few hours. You know, just to frighten you all. But that would be too... _boring_."

Hermes shook his head. "What? No! We _love_ boring!"

Apollo quickly agreed. "Pssh, yeah! That's our motto. 'Olympians: Boring since 800 BC'. Quite catchy!"

Nyx had a wide and slightly creepy smile that made even Hades nervous.

"Well, I'll tell you what. I will take back my curse if, and only if, you do something."

Hera was quick to answer. "Yes, of course. Anything!"

"Well, I know you can all find this mysterious intruder of sorts with your powers. But, can you do it without? You would have to prove to me that you can all blend into the modern world, and investigate. You will have to prove your worth, that you all are not only powerful due to your immortality..."

Athena was the first to ask, "Excuse me for sounding forward, but for how long?"

"A year."

...

...

...

" _A YEAR?!_ "

"Yes, I believe that is what I said. If I see you have proved yourselves before a year, I might give you your powers a few months earlier." Nyx looked bored.

Artemis recovered first. "But, how will the sun rise and set? The moon? How will _anything_ be in order?"

Nyx paused for a second before answering. "That will be taken care of by me. You won't have to worry about any of that. Now, just blend in. That shouldn't be too hard."

"Well, I should get going! Tata for now!" Nyx looked waaaay too enthusiastic about the whole ordeal.

Smoke billowed around, and everyone coughed.

"Doesn't she get tired of doing that?" Grumbled Apollo.

Demeter looked around. "Well, that was...unsettling."

Poseidon grumbled. "You're telling me. I'm gonna be in so much trouble with Amphitrite."

Hades nodded. "Me too with Persephone."

Demeter glared. "Just another reason why you shouldn't be her husband."

Dionysus groaned.

"Oh, not _this_ again. I thought we were past this!"

Demeter and Hades glared at him, and he just rolled his eyes and mumbled something about "drama queens" and "need to get a life".

Athena snapped her fingers to get everyone's attention.

"We need to blend in. So...what do we need to do? And how do we get out of here without our powers?"

As if Nyx was listening to every word, everyone was suddenly engulfed in a dark purple smoke.

"Again with the smoke." Apollo sighed. "That woman needs to sort out her priorities and get some fresh ideas. This is getting _really_ old, _really_ fast."

Suddenly, they dropped onto a cold pavement. By this time, it was already nighttime. They didn't recognize the ally they were in.

 _Uh oh._

A dirty abandoned ally in the middle of the night?

Yeah...not the greatest idea.

Aphrodite looked the most disgusted.

"Oh my gods! Ew! This was _Gucci_! Now it's ruined ruined ruined!"

She emphasized her words by stomping her feet, and quite frankly looked ridiculous because of her current state of appearance.

Artemis luckily got used to being awake late at night, and focused her eyes on a warehouse across the street.

"Everyone! We need to go inside. It's freezing outside, and now that we're mortal, we could easily catch hypothermia."

Apollo smiled at his sister. "I heard dying in the cold was the happiest way to die!"

All he got were flat stares in response.

He just huffed. "The whole world is against me."

* * *

Luckily for everyone, the warehouse was abandoned.

Ares spoke up, "I found a sign that said 'KnocksVille'".

"Damn it." Hades cursed. "This is one of the most unsafe neighborhoods in LA..."

"Oooo. LA! I love California." Aphrodite said.

Hestia grabbed some random wood pieces to try to make a fire, but Athena stopped her.

"These wood bars look jagged. And look! They still have iron screws sticking out. Don't hurt yourself. I can't see anything! We need some light."

"Found a light!" Hermes yelled. "I'm just _that_ awesome. Looking after everyone. Call me hero. Just doing what's right."

He and Apollo high-fived.

It was an old hand crank lantern that people used for camping.

Hermes swore when he cut himself on this rough edge of the metal coating.

"Shit. I cut myself. Am I going to die? But I'm so _young_!

Apollo rushed to his side.

"My brother! Wait. You may get asbestos poisoning! Don't you _dare_ die on me!"

Athena rolled her eyes. With all the stupid things the wonder twins said everyday, it's a surprise her eyes didn't stay like that from rolling so much.

"Asbestos is in cement, electric insulation, and other appliances. Not in lamps, moron."

Poseidon cut in. "We don't need a history lesson right now, _bird brain_."

Athena pursed her lips before answering. "It's not history, it's science, _barnacle beard_."

A loud squealing noise made everyone turn to Hermes, who was cranking the lantern, until there was a soft glow. It was dim, but bright enough to see everyone.

Hephaestus took the lantern in his hands and twisted a few knobs, and rearranged some wires.

There was a noticeable difference. The light was shining brighter.

"Thank you, Hephy!" Hermes said.

For a few minutes, everyone was engrossed in their own thoughts. It was cold, and dark.

What would they do?

They had no shelter.

No money.

No _plan_.

Artemis was first to break the silence. "I'm guessing nobody has a plan." Everyone shook their heads or looked down.

"That's... _just great_. Here we are, stuck in a random city with no money and with no contacts. We look like we're _homeless_ , and I doubt anyone would help us. I've never been more humiliated."

Apollo's stomach rumbled. A reminder that they were mortal, and needed to eat in order to survive.

Hades's head suddenly shot up.

"Hold on. Money?" He reached into his pockets, and pulled out a ball of dollars crumpled up.

"I think I have a few hundred dollars. I collect dollars from some souls going into the Underworld."

Hermes looked in his pockets.

"I have...one, two, seven...seventeen. Eighteen...twenty! Twenty dollars. Tips from mortals."

Everyone started looking in their pockets. Apollo had about fifty dollars, Dionysus had ten, Ares had five, and so on and so forth.

"So," Demeter began. "Where do we start?"

"I suggest-"

Zeus interrupted his son. He wasn't in the mood for another brainless comment.

"Hermes. Do you have an _actual_ idea?"

"Yeah," Ares agreed. "You're so-called jokes are pissing me off."

Hermes huffed at being interrupted. "Now, don't take this the wrong way...but we should try to break into an empty apartment."

Apollo and Ares were quick to agree. Hestia and Artemis looked hesitant.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but Hermes _isn't_ wrong."

Everyone stated at Athena in shock.

"What? I may not agree with breaking and entering, but desperate times call for desperate measures."

Hera chewed on her lip. "You're right, Athena. We need a place to stay the night. In the morning, we can make plans and discuss everything."

Hermes frowned. "Wait. Why are you thanking Athena? It was _my_ idea! _I_ should be the one being thanked!"

Apollo patted Hermes on the back.

"Don't worry. I appreciate you. You the _real_ MVP, dude."

They fist-pumped.

Demeter pointed to the doors.

"We should leave now. We're just wasting time."

Slowly, they walked to walk down the road.

Apollo hummed to himself.

"I've been walking these streets at night, just trying to get it right..."

Artemis put her hand on his mouth.

"Seriously. Why are you always singing? Do you have some sort of disorder?"

Apollo sighed dramatically, before saying in a grave tone "I do, actually. I have... _mephobia_."

Athena narrowed her eyes.

"That's not a real disorder. I've never heard of it, so it must not exist."

"I'm afraid it does," Hermes said. "I've been infected with the same fear." Hestia looked worried. "What is it? It sounds serious."

Apollo nodded solemnly. "It is. It is a very _perilous_ and _dire_ fear. It is attacking our generation at an alarming rate."

Hermes covered his head in his hands, as if trying to cover his tears.

"It really is. For me, it was touch and go for a while. _Dreadful_ , I tell you!"

Everyone else looked worried, curious, or confused.

Dionysus closed his eyes for a second.

"I...I have to confess something. I think I've been infected with the same fear."

Apollo gasped in horror, covering his mouth with his hands and rushed to pull Dionysus into a hug.

Hermes wiped at his eyes and joined in the hug.

They started saying words of comfort to him.

"It's alright, brother. We will get through this _together_. Through thick and thin, we will be by your side. You will not go through this journey alone."

Hermes rubbed his back.

"Yes, let us be the candles that guide you through this terrible time of darkness."

Athena clears her throat. "So...?"

Apollo looked to Hermes, and put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay, little brother. I will explain this rare ailment that plagues us."

"Well, you see. Mephobia is..." Apollo swallowed, as if each word took effort on his part. "It's...the fear of becoming so awesome that the human race can't handle it. And everyone dies."

Athena stared.

Apollo stared back.

Artemis just looked to the sky, took a deep breath, and continued to walk past everyone, making sure to bump into Apollo. His gaze followed her retreating figure. He looked at her and shook his head in understanding .

"She cannot grasp the true feeling of our suffering."

* * *

"Alright, Zeus. You go first."

Zeus looked at Ares. "Why me?"

Aphrodite crossed her arms and glared impatiently.

"It's totally _your_ fault that we're here, cold and poor and alone. Now go!"

Zeus groaned. "Fine, sheesh. I get it. It's my fault. Let's move on. Mea culpa!"

He promptly climbed onto the fire escape. Slowly, he made his way to the window nearby.

"Ares. Any chance you've still got a knife on you?"

Ares pulled the switchblade out of his boot and handed it to Zeus.

He looked at the closed window, to the blade, then back to the window.

"I have no idea what I'm doing here."

Hephaestus climbed up by him and took the blade from his hands.

Then, he began unscrewing the screws on the side of the window. He pushed the knife's edge into the small space between the wooden frame and the glass.

After a few minutes, there was an audible pop, and the glass came off with the border still around.

Then, he turned to Zeus and waved his hand. "After you."

Zeus waited a money before climbing through the hole. He looked around the empty apartment, making sure nobody was home.

Then, signaled everyone to come in.

One by one, the little apartment was full of people.

Aphrodite looked around in disgust.

"We couldn't break into a _nicer_ apartment? Maybe a house? This _is_ LA. The possibilities are endless!"

Hera looked disgusted as well.

"This is degrading. I can't believe, the _Queen of Olympus_ has been reduced to sleeping in a...abandoned wooden structure that I _refuse_ to call a home!"

Artemis and Athena busied themselves by looking for tools that could be useful. Hermes was still cranking the lantern every few minutes, looking more tired than ever.

Poseidon walked into the room with a few sheets and pillows.

"Found these! We can sleep on them."

Demeter crinkled her nose in disgust. "That looks like it's infested with lice."

Athena nodded. "And termites."

Hermes crossed his arms. "We should've robbed a Bed Bath and Beyond..."

Poseidon just huffed, annoyed. "I took my time to find all these...rag-like bedding material. And we really don't have a choice. Either sleeping on the dirty sheets, or on the dirty floor. I think I saw a mouse..."

Aphrodite squealed in horror and jumped onto Ares's back.

"No! Ew! _Mice!_ I don't want to get rabies!"

Hestia took the pillow from Poseidon by her fingertips, and went to the bedroom that had an old mattress.

"Who wants to sleep with me?"

"Auntie Hestia! For shame. This is no time for canoodling!" Apollo scolded, shaking his finger.

Artemis thwacked her brother on the back of his head.

"Again with the abuse! I guess cats weren't _enough_ for you, huh?"

Demeter ignored the two siblings and followed her sister into the bedroom. She grimaced, but there wasn't much that she could do. She was tired and hungry. She needed rest, and she would need energy for the morning.

Artemis followed Demeter, looking down in resignation.

Athena decided to join her. The mattress was small, but they would have to make-do. There was a thought gnawing at her mind. She couldn't put her finger on it, though.

"I'm taking the couch. Hera, come on. We can sh-share." Aphrodite shook her head. "I can't believe I just used the 's' word..."

Hera curled up on the couch, too tired to think about the possibilities of bugs are dirt on the cushions.

Hermes was already sleeping in the chair, slouched in a way that looked very uncomfortable.

"I guess I'll take one for the team. I'm sleeping on the table." Apollo said finally.

Ares looked at him. "Taking one for the team? _We're_ the ones sleeping on the floor!"

Apollo waved him off, "You snooze, you lose."

Hades sighed. "I guess we've been reduced to sleeping on a dirty floor. How do mortals _live_ like this?"

Poseidon just put a sheet on the ground, before falling in a heap and closing his eyes.

Zeus grumbled and followed suite.

Soon enough, everyone was asleep.

In the other room, Athena's eyes shot open, and she smiled.

She remembered her idea. Looking to her left and right, she saw everyone else was asleep.

She sighed. This would have to wait until morning. For once in her life, Athena was happy that she had her whole family with her. She couldn't imagine facing something like this alone. But together, they could get past this...

OoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO

Birds were chirping. The sunlight was bright, reflecting through the window. It was a calm serene noise. Chirp, chirp, chi-

"For Gods' sakes! Shut that stupid creature up! I'm this close to throwing rocks. And trust me, I have good aim."

Dionysus looked like train wreck. He was sprawled out on the floor, mumbling against his pillow.

Hades snorted. "Why do I have a hard time believing that?"

Apollo was already up. He was looking to the up to the sun in curiosity. Who was riding the chariot? His chariot?

He shook his and a sunny bright smile (pun intended) took over his face. "Hey guys! Wake up! Everyone! Come on. Good Morning! Up up up!"

Ares moaned into his hands. "Why are you such a morning person?" Hades nodded "I hate morning people. And mornings. And people."

Apollo ignored them and skipped, yes skipped, into the bedroom. He pulled the cover off the girls and opened the blinds, letting the sun shine through very very brightly. Artemis covered her eyes. "Ugh! Go away before I hit you where the sun doesn't shine..."

Apollo pouted. "Well aren't we just two scoops of bitchy in a bowl full of grumpy this fine morning?"

Demeter mumbled, "There should be a rule against people trying to be funny in the morning..." Reluctantly, the girls slowly followed a very happy Apollo into the main room.

Poseidon groaned, sitting up. "I could be a morning person, if morning was at noon." Hermes agreed. "The only time of the year that I'm a morning person is December 25th." Hestia rubbed at her eyes, but smiled at Apollo. "We can get our rest once we find a solution an get out of here."

Athena yawned. "I have an idea. I was thinking about it a lot at night."Everyone looked at her expectantly. "So. We need more money, and shelter. It wouldn't make sense to have a group of young adults in ripped clothing running around. And how do we get money? We need a-"

"Job." Artemis finished for her.

Zeus nodded. "That sounds like a good idea. But as you said, we look like a mess. I don't think anyone would hire us. We need, and I can't believe I'm saying this, a makeover."

Aphrodite glared. "I've begged everyone in here if I could do a makeover on them at least a million times. But nooo. And now that I don't have any of my amazing talents, you want one? I can't believe this!"

Apollo put his arm around her.

"My dear, I didn't say 'no' because I doubted your capabilities. I said 'no' because I don't need a makeover. I'm flawless. Look at this body." He ducked before Artemis could hit him again.

"Aha! I've still got my amazing ninja skills. Nobody can touch this." Athena smirked. "Sure I can." And she punched his arm.

Zeus cleared his throat. "If you all can just be quiet and stop with your childishness, we have more pressing matters to discuss. Athena? You were saying?" She nodded. "So, I was thinking we could use the money we have right now to buy some cheap clothes, just enough to look decent. We need to find a place to clean up though..."

"How about a public pool? I visited them many times, and each on has shower stalls." Poseidon suggested.

Aphrodite was still grumbling about buying cheap clothing, and how she deserved only the best. "And I know that there's a Walmart nearby. I think I delivered here once." Hermes said, looking thoughtful. Hera paled at the word "Walmart".

Aphrodite's bottom lip quivered. She looked like she was ready to burst into tears at the prospect of shopping at Walmart. Hephaestus looked at Athena. "How about blending in? Wouldn't somebody find it strange if a random large group of people wanted jobs. We have no identities or licenses!"

Artemis nodded "Yes. It would seem strange to everyone. We need new names. And we would have to all get different jobs."

Aphrodite grimaced. "Me. Have a job."

Dionysus snorted. "Imagine that. The little princess needs to work. The world must be ending."

Aphrodite glared at him and Ares growled. "Hey grape face. Shut it, or I'll shut it for you."

Hermes shook his head. "Grape face? Really? That's a terrible comeback. You need a thesaurus." Hades stood up and stretched.

"What are we waiting for. Let's get a move on."

OoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOoooooooooooooOooooooooOoooo

They ended up sneaking into Walmart. (Apparently, it opened at 6am, and nobody want to wake up at 6am on a Saturday. Well, except maybe Apollo. But he was not normal even by the gods' standards.)

Aphrodite had a brown paper bag in case she had to "dry heave from the atrocious colors and textures of the pieces of cloth that should not be considered clothing". She picked out the outfits for everyone, admitting that if they had to wear cheap clothing they might as well look decent wearing it.

The outfits were pretty basic.

The men had comfortable pants of varying colors, a pair of shorts, with shirts and a sweater. The women had the same, except each girl had "necessary accessories". Oh, and the most vital garment: underwear.

Aphrodite decided to buy some simple makeup. "If I break out because of these cheap harmful ingredients, I am sooo suing Walmart."

They grabbed some necessary things (like a lighter, hairbrush, and gum) and grabbed a few snacks. Okay, not a few. After walking to different aisles, they bought their items, and bagged everything.

"So. Where are we off to now?" Apollo asked. He was distracted enough with his new sunglasses to not bother with his jokes.

Hermes looked at the map. "Hmm.. Well judging from this map, we are...10 miles away from the Westwood Public Pool."

Dionysus looked like he needed a drink. "I'm guessing we need a car. Or a bus. Or a truck. Which we DON'T HAVE!"

By some miracle, there were two men with a moving van. On the van, there were the words "Westwood Mold Company". Hestia pointed at it and said, "Look! I think they might be leaving. We should ask for a ride. Maybe they would help us?"

Ares looked confused. "What are we going to do with a mold company? We need to go to a pool, not clean one."

"It says Westwood on it. They must be going there. If we go with them, we could just walk to the pool." Hera explained.

Hades thought for a minute. "I really doubt they would accept all of us. They don't exactly look like bleeding hearts." Demeter tsked. "I agree. They don't look like the friendliest people. But what are we going to do, otherwise? Sneak in?" She said the last part sarcastically.

OooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO

Everyone was cramped together as they tried their best to be quiet. The noise of driving muffled everyone's breathing, but with the plastic bags, it's a wonder the two men hadn't decided to check the back. Everyone held their breath as the van came to a stop. Hermes, who was closest to the window, looked outside discreetly.

"We're at a gas station. It's less than a mile away from the pool. We should hurry. Let's try not to get in trouble this early on..." Everyone hurried, making sure not to trip or break anything.

Lord knows they couldn't afford a mistake like that. Literally.

Apollo was looking left and right, then signaled with over dramatic hand signs that it was all clear.

He started humming the mission impossible theme song. "Dun dun dada Dun dun dada Dun dun dada Dun dun dada Dun dun dada Dun dun dada doo de doo doo de doo..."

The bell signaling that the door of the gas station was opening rang, and everybody ran as fast as they could behind an alleyway.

Poseidon frowned. "It is just me, or am I feeling a sense of déjà vue?" Athena shushed him. She peeked from the edge of the wall. "All clear. So Hermes. Which way?"

Hermes looked at his map, cursing that he didn't have his GPS, which would've made their lives much more simpler. "Well, it's...north. Less than a mile. So, about 10 minutes if we walk fast. We'll have to make sure there won't be a lot of people."

Dionysus rolled his eyes. "I sincerely doubt anybody wakes up early in the morning on a Saturday to go swimming..."

"Who the hell does anything in the morning?" Hades said flatly.

Apollo raised his hand in the air. "Oh, oh! I do! I do! Waking up at the crack of dawn is so relaxing."

Everyone looked at him as if he lost his marbles.

"You're insane." Concluded Hermes.

"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it." Apollo corrected.

OoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO

When they arrived at the door, there was notice that said "Closed. In construction".

Athena groaned. "It's closed!"

"Really. What gave you that idea?" Poseidon said sarcastically.

Suddenly, Hermes picked up his pace and ran to the back gate. Demeter frowned.

"It says 'No Trespassing'" Hermes handed his bags to Ares. "Here. Take this for a second." He began climbing the fence, and when he got to the top, jumped to the ground of the other side. He motioned everyone to follow his lead.

Artemis looked at him in disbelief. "We can't do that! It's illegal!"

"It's only illegal if you get caught." Apollo retorted. He tied his plastic bags, making sure they were closed, before throwing them over the fence, where Hermes caught them and placed them on the clean floor. He then started climbing the fence, and jumped to the other side.

Hestia shrugged. "It seems to be the only way. And as Athena said before 'Desperate times call for desperate measures.'" She made sure not to cut herself as she carefully jumped to the other side.

Apollo grinned widely and patted her on the back. "Atta girl! Come on people! Time is money. We need to shower, stat. No time for rethinking our life choices."

Grunting, Ares did the same thing. Then Zeus, Hera, and everyone else.

Artemis was last. She exhaled loudly. "If I become a criminal, this is on you!"

They made their way quietly to the doors of the bathroom. Making sure there was nobody, Hephaestus took the pocketknife and fiddled with the lock. A few seconds later, an audible click was heard and the door opened.

Hera looked inside for a second before entering.

"Thank the Gods!"

"You're welcome." Hermes said brightly.

Slowly, everybody began to take a stall. There were thankfully two shower rooms. The men took one, and the women took the other.

They stayed a bit longer than necessary, making sure to wash away all the dirt and grime, to make themselves look presentable. Drying was the hard part since they had no towels, so each person took a turn with the hand dryer.

About an hour later, everyone was dressed and clean. They made sure to throw away their original clothing, much to the happiness of Aphrodite. She wanted to burn them.

She was now putting light makeup on, frowning at the rough tip of the inexpensive eyeliner. She was currently wearing a pair of black gym shorts with a pink top that said "I woke up like this!" in black print. Her blonde hair was still wet and tumbled down her back. She was still wearing her brown heeled boots, since they weren't ripped or very dirtied.

Hera was hopping on one foot, trying to put on her socks without touching the ground. One hand was on Zeus's shoulder. The said God was trying to push back his black hair with some gel.

Apollo was winking at himself in the mirror. He was wearing a sky blue shirt that complimented his eyes. "Damn! Who's that's sexy beast? Oh, I just looked in the mirror."

"What's our game plan?" Ares said. He was tying his lace up boots looking annoyed with his hair, which was a brown color, and kept covering his eyes. "This is why the buzz cut is the best cut." He mumbled.

Hermes looked at him. "Well. I thought we'd just wing it..." Athena shook her head in horror.

"We need a real plan! We can't just...wing it!"

Hermes looked back at her, straightening his baseball tee. "Well, I don't suppose you have a better plan."

All he got was an annoyed look in response. "I'll take that as a no..."

"We all look presentable. We look like respectable young men and women. All we need to do is find a job. It can't be that hard." Poseidon reasoned.

"Hold your tongue." Artemis warned. "We don't want to jinx ourselves."

Hestia took the map laying on the bench and hummed to herself. "Well, I see a few places here that might hire. I see a diner, a few libraries, a mall, many restaurants, a sports center, schools, and other places. It's a big city." Athena nodded and took the map from her hands.

Hades snapped his fingers. "What about names?"

Everyone looked at each other. "I guess we'll figure it out later. I guess we should start with the..." She read the name. "Westside Pavilion Mall. I suppose they might always be hiring." Demeter suggested.

OoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO

The mall was very big. It was filled with people, even though it was morning. Everyone decided to meet in from of the fountain in an hour.

Athena went to the library nearby to ask if they were hiring. She went to the front desk and smiled politely at the old lady.

"Hello. I was just wondering whether or not you have any open jobs?" The old lady smiled at her. "I'm afraid we're not in need of any librarians." She must have seen Athena's face fall, because she quickly said, "But, since the school year is starting very soon, we're always looking for new tutors!"

Athena smiled brightly.

"That sounds great! Can I sign up somewhere?" The lady put up her finger, signaling Athena to wait as she looked for a paper. "Aha! Here it is. Name?"

Athena panicked for a second.

"Um...Aubrey...Manolis." She decided to stick to a greek surname.

"You can call me Lenore." Lenore said. Athena nodded. "Age?"

Athena was quick to answer. "19. I just turned 19 this past August."

A few clicks on the computer later, Lenore printed something out and handed it to Athena.

"These are the hours when we're open. We can sign you up with children of all ages and you get about 5-10 dollars an hour depending on the client."

'Perfect' Athena thought.

OooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO

Apollo was walking past stores when he saw a Hollister. Seeing a sign that said "Help Wanted", he entered and went to a man who looked about his age.

He cleared his throat. "Excuse me?"

The young man turned around and almost dropped the box in surprise. He had messy brown hair and hazel eyes, with a light tan. He smiled. "My name is Eric. How can I help you?"

"I'm looking for a job. I'm not sure if you guys are hiring?" Apollo asked.

Eric nodded and pointed to a door that said "Manager".

When he entered, there was an older woman who looked about 40. She had a permanent scowl on her face.

"So you're here looking for a job?" She said. He read her name tag. It said "Beatrice". Apollo gave a charming smile. "Yes ma'am. My name is...Dayton. Dayton Kellis."

Beatrice looked at him suspiciously. "I've never seen you around here before."

"Well, my sister and I moved here recently. Just trying to help my family." He said.

She didn't look impressed. "Alright, Mr. Kellis. Luckily we're looking for a new employee. Come back here Monday to get all your information and work schedule."

Apollo waited a moment.

"You may leave now." She said impatiently.

He quickly left, and shut the door behind him, catching the amused expression on Eric's face. "I'm guessing you weren't expecting that?" He laughed.

Apollo laughed nervously.

"Nope."

OooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO

Hermes was thirsty. He passed a diner and smelled the most amazing scent that stopped him in his path. His stomach grumbled.

Looking at the name of the diner. "Macy's Diner"

Walking inside, he saw a some people sitting around. There were some chefs cooking food on the grill. A red-haired waitress walked past him and smiled.

He walked over to the counter.

"I'll have a coca cola." He said.

Something caught his eye. There was an apron with the name of the diner hanging on a hook at the corner of the room.

"Excuse me Miss." He asked the waitress. He saw her name was Megan. "I was wondering if you had any openings for a job?"

"Of course! My aunt Macy actually owns the diner. We're always packed. We could always use a hand! I'll just need you name and phone number. And email if you want."

Hermes paused.

Crap.

He recovered quickly. He was, after all, an expert at lying.

"My name is Ryder Harris. I just moved here about a week ago. I don't have a phone number."

She nodded in understanding. "I get it. I moved here last year from Nevada. It can be such a hassle. I'll write down you name, and give you my card. Whoever you have a phone number, give me a call!" He smiled at her and she blushed before walking away.

He sipped his coke and looked at the business card, smiling.

OooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO

Aphrodite was walking alone, ignoring the jealous states of girls and leering of the boys. Ares was aparently in the sports section looking, testing his luck with that.

She paused and looked at the familiar store.

Sephora.

She went inside, and looked around. Oh, the beauty of Dior and Chanel. Looking in the mirror, she fixed her hair and checked her makeup. It looked perfect.

She saw a girl about her age with a shirt that said "Sephora". She obviously worker here and she was chewing a wad of gum, looking bored.

"Hi! My name is...Isabella. I'm wondering if you might have any job positions here?" Aphrodite asked. The girl looked her over with a blank stare. She curled her lip, as if the sight of Aphrodite annoyed her.

"Nope," she said with a fake smile. "Sorry, hun. We're just so full."

Aphrodite gave the girl a fake smile in return. As she was about to retort, a voice behind her said, "Now, Jessica. That's not true. Amanda quit last week. We need someone." The woman looked at Aphrodite politely. "You can call me Darla."

Aphrodite smiled at the girl, Jessica, before looking back at Darla.

She put her hand up, "My name is Isabella. Isabella Prima. But everyone calls me Bella."

Darla shook her hand and motioned for her to follow. Aphrodite couldn't help but turn her head and give a sarcastic wave to Jessica.

She got a glare in return. She followed after Darla, with a smirk of victory on her face.

OooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO

It was almost noon when everyone arrived at the fountain.

Zeus looked at Athena. "So? Did you find anything?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "I found a job as a tutor."

Dionysus snickered. "I pity the children you'll be teaching..." Athena smacked him.

Aphrodite spoke up, "I got a job as Sephora! There was a bitchy girl there. But, I took care of her." She said triumphantly.

Ares smirked and kissed her head. "That's my girl."

"I'm going to teach kids how to swim." Poseidon added. He looked proud of himself.

"Wait." Hestia said. "Wouldn't this be very suspicious? 14 adults that randomly moved here and we're all looking for a job just for money."

Hades nodded. "We need to blend in more. I chose my cover name. It's Alastor Costas. Poseidon and Zeus should keep Costas as a last name as well."

Zeus nodded. "I chose Donn."

Poseidon raised an eyebrow. "Donn? Nevermind. I chose Dorian. It means 'Of the sea'."

Athena looked mildy impressed. "Okay. I think I know what we need to do to blend in." Everyone looked at her.

"We need to be like any other kids our age. Summer is ending, and you know what that means?"

Apollo groaned. "No! Anything but that."

Hermes understood after a second. "The school year will be starting."

Athena smiled.

"Yup! Get ready everyone. We're going to college..."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: Hey guys! Sooo! Who can guess which college they're going to? How will they blend in? Where will they stay? And what of these new foes?

Stay tuned for more!:)


	4. Funky First days and Flour Fails

**Disclaimer: I own nada. None of the characters, cities, countries, anything I mention.**

 **A/N: Hello my little pineapples! BAM! You are all officially pineapples. Embrace your new life as a fruit. Anyways! If some things seem unclear/confusing, just know that I'm abiding my time. All in due time, I promise. I love Apollo and Hermes. They are my little snugglemonkeys**

 **EDIT: OMG GUUUUYYYSS! I didn't save this draft for some reason (YOU HAD ONE JOB COMPUTER!) so I had to manually delete all the coding in between the words of the chapter. I was just trying to correct one error. Technology man!**

* * *

 _A few days later..._

Adjusting to a "normal life" wasn't exactly a walk in the park. They were currently staying at the modestly large apartment of Aphrodite's "friend". Nobody wanted to know what that meant. He apparently owed her a favor.

Hermes decided that he would put his talents to good use.

He stole a car.

Artemis was annoyed.

Hera was horrified.

Apollo hugged him.

Celebrating the theft was the good part. As always, Athena had her logical thoughts. "What if someone recognizes the car? And how are we going to pay for the gas? How about the plates?"

Hermes looked crestfallen. "Well, I thought to myself 'Steal now, think later.' And we can ask Hephy to alter the plates. I bet there are over a hundred cars like this in California alone. Relax!"

Athena crossed her arms.

"Relax? Relax? We need to-." She was interrupted as there was a shake under the ground. It wasn't strong enough to harm anyone, or cause destruction of any kind, but it was noticeable.

Poseidon frowned. "That was an earthquake. That's strange."

Hades looked at his brother. "This is California. There are always earthquakes. I live in LA, remember?"

"Yes, I know you live here. That's the main reason why I always sent earthquakes here. But, if you haven't noticed, this time it was definitely not me!" Poseidon looked agitated.

Hestia looked worried. "Maybe it's those new enemies that we have to find. Now we know that we're in the right city."

Meanwhile a certain Sun God was looking sulky. He apparently saw an ad for "back to school" and it supposedly depressed him.

"I don't want to go to school! Remember the spring of '89?"

"1989?" Zeus asked.

Apollo shook his head.

"Nope. 1489. I went to that university. Oxford! I learned something. You try for things, you're just hurting yourself."

Athena looked at him. "Everything might not work out to begin with, but you have to always try. When I don't get something the first time, which rarely happens, I keep trying. You know why?"

"You're a slow learner?" Apollo guessed. A scream was heard as Athena was about to answer.

Aphrodite ran out of the bathroom, soap suds still in her hair, a towel wrapped around her. She was rubbing at her eyes, and screaming hysterically. "It's in my eyes! It's in my eyes! I'm blind! I'll never see again!" Ares tried to comfort her, but she slapped his hands away. Artemis just dragged her back to the bathroom. They heard the water running, and a few minutes later both girls walked out, Aphrodite hugging Artemis and saying "My savior!", and Artemis unsuccessfully trying to push her away. Apollo looked back at Athena as if nothing happened.

"How are we supposed to pay for college anyway?" He said.

Hermes agreed.

"Yeah. Tuition is so expensive, it's ridiculous. Especially in California."

Dionysus pouted. "Why couldn't we be stuck in another country, like Finland or something. They have a free tuition, I've heard."

"Everywhere in Europe, and mostly everywhere else, including Canada, has a free tuition." Hestia said.

Demeter frowned. "Why didn't we go to Canada? I like Canadians. That's it. After this whole...thing, I'm leaving the US for at least a year."

"But we're stuck here. And we have to investigate. The whole point of this quest is to test if we're capable of doing things ourselves. We had to get jobs, find a home, and now we need to get into a college. Nyx wouldn't have given us something easy to do." Hades reasoned.

Hemes thought for a minute.

"We could ask for financial aid." He pointed out. "We're poor now, remember?"

Aphrodite looked like she was deciding whether to hit someone or cry. "Stop saying that word in my presence. It upsets me..."

Athena was quiet. Suddenly she snapped her fingers, and waited a second before saying.

"I've got an idea." She looked at Hermes and Apollo.

"What is it?" Poseidon asked, a little scared of the expression on Athena's face.

She ignored him and looked at Apollo. "Apollo. How good are you with methods of distraction?"

He huffed indignantly. "Are you questioning my abilities?" He asked, crossing his arms.

Athena then looked at Hermes.

"And you. You're good at hacking, right?" Hermes puffed up his chest and nodded proudly.

"Honey, I invented the internet."

"Good." Was all she said, before leaving the room. Everyone looked at each other. This couldn't be good.

Entering the room again, Athena put on a hat and pair of sunglasses.

"We're paying our new school a little visit..."

* * *

Apollo and Artemis were the 'distraction' part of the plan. Meanwhile, Athena and Hermes snuck in the back room and went through files. Hermes was in charge of sending all the sealed files of UCLA in the directory to Hephaestus who was in the cyber-cafe nearby.

Ares was standing guard outside.

Artemis looked determined, but a bit hesitant. "Are you sure that this will work?" She asked her brother. He just nodded easily.

"Hell yeah. I'm a delicious piece of man meat, my dear little sis. Don't question my sexiness." He said briskly.

She snorted, muttering "What sexiness?"

Entering, they went up to the main desk. There was a short woman with mousy brown hair and glasses who looked like she was in her mid to late 20's. She was writing something in a notebook, and occasionally clicked on the computer's mouse.

Apollo and Artemis looked at each other. Apollo winked at his sister.

"Follow my lead." He put on his sunglasses, his expression changing into a smirk, and he swaggered up to the desk.

Artemis rolled her eyes and followed.

"Excuse me, mate," he said with a fake accent that sounded Australian. The girl was staring at him, practically drooling, much the annoyance of Artemis.

"Yes, we're new." Artemis said, copying his accent as she internally groaned, but went with it. Apollo nodded.

"We're actually celebrities." He whisper loudly, looking around, as if he was afraid of paparazzi popping out of nowhere.

The girl looked at him curiously, and nodded.

"I think I've seen your face before."

"Yes. We're models. I've been on the cover of GQ a few times. You know, 'Sexiest Man' and all that. All in a day's work, I suppose." Apollo said smugly.

Artemis gritted her teeth, but put on a fake smile. "Mhmm. We just moved here from Australia."

Apollo smiled. "Exactly. From Queensland. Such a beautiful...land...made for queens..." He sighed dreamily.

The woman gasped. "My brother is there now, he's studying abroad. What a small world! Which city are you from?"

Apollo's smile faltered.

"Oh, you know! _Around_..." He waved his hand dismissively.

Artemis cut in before they were asked more questions that they wouldn't be able to answer.

"So, we were wondering if we could sign up for the new school year. We already sent in our applications and the tuition money through our account. Could you be a dear and double check?" The girl nodded and began typing on her laptop.

Artemis caught Athena's eye. Athena looked at Hermes for confirmation, before nodding. Artemis quickly looked to Apollo and gave a slight cough as a signal.

"I see a...Kellis. Dayton Kellis?"

Apollo gave a thumbs up.

"And a...Selene?"

Artemis internally shook her head at the unoriginal name. Way to go.

Realizing that the woman was staring at her, she quickly said yes.

"If you could hold on, I'll get the papers in the back room. It'll take just a few minutes."

Apollo's eyes widened and whipped his head around to look at Artemis, who was trying to look calm.

She quickly looked at Athena and brought her hand up to her neck in a "code red" motion. Athena quickly took the initiative to shake Hermes and grab some papers.

Just as the girl was about to turn around, Apollo cleared his throat.

"So! What's your name, babe?" He leaned in close, giving a toothy grin. She paused, blushing before answering him.

"I'm Julia. I'm working here part-time."

Apollo continued his flirting, distracting Julia for enough time to let Athena and Hermes to sneak out of the room.

"What's over there?!" Artemis yelled, pointing to the left side of the room.

Julia, surprised, wildly turned her head to the left.

Athena and Hermes hurried and rushed out of the door.

Julia turned back to the two of them.

Artemis played dumb. "I thought I saw-...Nevermind. Oh, would you look at the time! We should get going." She grabbed her brother's arm and pulled him with her through the doors.

She looked around until she spotted Ares, Athena, and Hermes trying and failing to look nonchalant.

Hermes was sweating considerably.

"Wow. That was some Inspector Gadget type shit. My hands were shaking! But did you see me? I was like a pro!"

"I felt like Erin Brockovich." Apollo said dramatically.

Artemis turned to him.

"Why did you choose Australian?" She asked.

"Lots of models are from Australia. It's on the other side of the world. Plus, the cool accent gives me more sex appeal." He replied, numbering off the reasons on his fingers.

"Not that I'm lacking in the sex appeal department." He added quickly.

Artemis and Athena shared look. Artemis smiled at her brother, obviously forced.

"You're a special kind of moron."

* * *

"I'm having a bad day today. The sooner we get this over with, the happier I'll be." Athena said, running her hand through her hair in an annoyed way.

Poseidon looked at Athena in disbelief. "So when you have a good day, you want to have morals. When you have a bad day you want to illegally hack into the database of one of the most popular universities in the United States. What happens when you have an okay day? Oh, I wanna get a hamster!"

Apollo burst out laughing."Oh, zing!" He put up his hand. "Slap it high, Uncle P!" Athena pursed her lips before grinning evilly. "Aren't you going to be late for your new job? Remember that you're joining the normal ranks now, so you should make punctuality part of your schedule." She said seriously.

Apollo yawned carelessly before replying. " _Pu-leaze_ , sweetie. My shift starts at 2 in the afternoon. It's only..." He checked the clock and his eyes widened comically in panic. "1:45! _Shit!_ I'm gonna be late!"

He practically ran to the room and changed in record time. Muttering curses as he grabbed the keys to the "new ride", he yelled at everyone that he was taking the car. "I'll be home in a few hours, try not to miss me too much!"

He could practically hear the eyes rolling. "Oh, I'll be counting the seconds." Hades deadpanned.

"Yes," Artemis added dryly. "I'll try to keep my tears at bay."

* * *

"You're late!" Beatrice's patronizing tone rang out not even a second after he stepped foot in the store. A few customers looked over to them, but Apollo just looked at the clock near the register. It read: 2:02.

"I'm two minutes late!" He cried in disbelief. Eric, the boy that he met last time, stood next to him, making a 'cut it out' gesture. "It only gets worse from here. Just walk away." He said quietly to Apollo. The latter nodded and faked an expression of hurt.

"I apologize for my tardiness. My sister's dog...Orion...passed away. It was tragic." He said regretfully. Beatrice just turned away and marched into her office. "I get the feeling that she doesn't like me." He said to no one in particular.

Eric widened his eyes sarcastically. "Oh, you just get the feeling?"

Apollo shook his head in wonder. "It's strange. Everybody likes me! I'm me!" He cried. Eric nodded solemnly. "She's in denial. Sometimes...I get the feeling she doesn't like me. But it's just how Bea is." Apollo smiled brightly again.

"So why were you late?" Eric busied himself folding shirts on the shelf. Some people couldn't refold a damn t-shirt.

Shrugging, Apollo joined him, separating the colors. "I was on a secret mission. Real secretive CIA type shenanigans. I guess in the midst of saving humanity, my watch bailed on me." He sighed dramatically.

Eric, bless his heart, didn't seem to mind the theatrics of his new coworker. "And that 'dog' of your 'sister'?"

Apollo's eyes darkened for a split second. "I actually do have a sister; her name is Ar- Selene. And that dog is gone now...so all is good." He said, waving it off.

Eric nodded, and let it go, getting the feeling that it might be a touchy topic. "We had a new shipment arrive. I need you to organize the boxes in the closet." Apollo was led to the back room and Eric went to help a customer, leaving Apollo alone.

"What was I supposed to do again? Organize...the boxes." His eyes flickered to the numerous shelves with countless boxes piled on top of each other. Some had FRAGILE stamped in red on them while others were slightly open and overflowing with bubble wrap.

"Piece of cherry pie." He shrugged, cracking his knuckles. "I'm Apollo. I can handle moving boxes. Bow before your conqueror you puny pieces of cardboard!"

The boxes didn't move. Thankfully.

He started with carrying each box to the side with a wheeled dolly, but that took too much time. Apollo stopped and began pushing the boxes roughly to the corner with his feet.  
"There we go. Simplifying life." He said, proud that he found a shortcut.

"Fucking wasting my time with this dolly bullshit." One kick was particularly strong, and the box ended up toppling over, the contents inside spilling to the ground. He heard something similar to the sound of glass breaking. Whipping his head around to see if anyone was around, he quickly rushed to the box.  
"Goddamn it! Fuck!" He hissed. Finding a broom in the corner, he swept the shards of glass that fell on the ground. "I need tape. Where is the-" He found some duct tape on the shelf and grabbed it before shakily closing off the box, making it look like nothing happened. He sighed in relief, and almost jumped as he heard a voice behind him.

"Looks good so far. How are you holding up." Eric was leaning against the doorway, his arms crossed. "Sorry if I scared you, dude." He added, not looking at all apologetic as he saw Apollo clutch his heart. Apollo closed his eyes for a second, thanking whoever was listening that it wasn't Beatrice.

"Yeah. I'm totally fine. Just peachy! I'm practically Georgia. Yup yup yup. nothing to see here. Let's get some water." He laughed nervously, pushing Eric out of the room, and heading in a random direction.

Eric looked confused. "I thought you said you wanted to get some water?" Apollo hummed absentmindedly in response. "This is the way to the restrooms." Pausing, Apollo brushed it off with a smile.

"I knew that! I just need to...wash my hands! Yes. Wash my hands. My hands need to be washed." Blinking, Eric accepted that as an answer, mouthing 'Alright then' Trying to change the topic, Apollo decided to initiate small talk.

"So...Eric, pal, how long have you been working here?" He inquired. Eric looked lost in thought before shaking it off.

"It's been a little over a year. I moved here with my family from Arizona a few years ago. I got a job to pay for my apartment. I got a scholarship to UCLA." Apollo nodded before his eyes widened in surprise. "UCLA? You got there?"

Eric chuckled. "It's the only university in the neighborhood. Of course I go there. I'm a majoring in sociology and philosophy, and a freshman. How about you? Since you moved here I'm guessing that you'll attend UCLA?"

"Uh huh. I'm majoring in...music history and literature. I just love music." Apollo smiled. As Eric was about to answer, a girl who was a few years younger than the two came up to Eric. She looked bored beyond belief.

"Eric. I'm taking my break now. Make sure to text me if you don't see me in half an hour, okay? Either I'm asleep, running away, or I've been kidnapped by aliens." Eric nodded before looking at Apollo.

"Dayton, this is my friend Elizabeth." He said, pointing to the girl. She had layered black hair with pink and blue dyed strands in it. Her green eyes were rimmed with black eyeliner, and she had red lipstick on. She also had a nose piercing. Overall, she had the ' _fuck with me and I put you six feet under_ ' look down pat, even though she was short.

She smiled sweetly before punching Eric's arm. "Call me that again and the punch will be lower." She whispered fiercely.

Gulping audibly, Apollo tried his charm on the obviously intimidating elf. "Pleased to meet you, Lizzie." She raised one eyebrow, looking unimpressed. Eric wasn't even trying to hold in his laughter.

"She doesn't really like men." He explained "You wouldn't understand."

Thinking about a certain auburn haired sister, Apollo looked at them both.  
"Oh, trust me, mi amigos. I totally do."

* * *

Aphrodite was practically running through the mall. Her shift started in 5 minutes. She completely forgot about her new...job.  
'I guess working at a beauty store isn't the worst thing in the world' She thought to herself.

"Finally, the familiar black and white pattern was visible. She sighed in relief, composing herself before entering with a large smile.

"The store was full of people, but she managed to dodge the masses in order to go to the closet to change into the "Sephora" t-shirt that showed she worked there. "Isabella!" Darla's voice was loud, but full of kindness. Aphrodite turned to look at her. "Darla. Sorry that I'm late! I had a...family emergency." She said. Darla waved if off. "You're not late. Come, I'll show you around."

After showing Aphrodite all the sections of the store, in case anyone asked her where something was, Darla left. Walking around, Aphrodite glanced wistfully at all the expensive makeup. There were perks about working here. She had an employee's discount for everything in the store. But 20 dollars off a 100 dollar lipstick was hardly a bargain. She huffed, suddenly annoyed. Since when was everything so damn expensive? Since her idiot father decided to plunge them into a pool of mortality and poverty. Her train of thought stopped as she heard voices, one she recognized unfortunately. It was the unmistakable nasally voice of that girl, Jessica. The other voice was younger and sounded shy. Peeking, she saw a young girl, maybe 10 or 11 years old.

"I'm sure your mom will appreciate the thoughtful gift. These products may be more expensive, but you can't put a price on your mother's happiness." Jessica smiled fakely.

Oh no she did _not._

This was low, even for a bitch like Jessica.

"Hey there Jess!" Aphrodite put in as much enthusiasm in her voice as she could. The mentioned woman turned around and her face turned darkened momentarily.

"I know it's your first day here Bella," the emphasis on her nickname was laced with venom, "but I have a client here." She faked an apologetic expression.

Geez. Was there anything about this girl that _wasn't_ fake? Certainly not her boobs…

Crossing her arms, Aphrodite feigned an innocent face. "Darla wants to see you."

Immediately Jessica brightened up. "Probably for a promotion." She bragged. As if being promoted in a department store was a thing to brag about. She sashayed away, as if she were on a catwalk.

The goddess smiled happily as she looked at the woman leave, before turning her attention on the girl in front of her. "Why hello young lady! What's your name?"

The girl blushed, shyly avoiding eye contact. "My name is Cassie." She looked up, meeting Aphrodite's bright smile.

"Good afternoon Cassie! I'm Bella." She winked. "Is there something I can help you with?" In Cassie's hands were several high-end makeup products that were very pricey. "No offense but aren't you a little young for Dior?"

Cassie shook her head. "It's for my mom. Her birthday is soon and I want the best for her. That lady," she pointed to the direction Jessica took off in, "told me that these products would be thoughtful and show that I care." She looked nervous nd confused.

Oh Jessica you twit.

Aphrodite put on her best smile. "Oh honey! Your mom won't care how much it costs! A thoughtful gift means you put a lot of thought into it, not money." She shook her head and gently put out her hand to take back the ridiculously expensive products that even she couln't afford. "So what does your mother like?"

Lost in thought, Cassie rubbed the back of her neck. "Well, she's always talking about lipsticks. But my little sister ruined one last week." She admitted. "And she's obsessed with natural products!"

Nodding, Aphrodite told Cassie to wait two minutes for her to find something. Returning, she gave Cassie a few lipsticks and face masks that were both affordable and made with all natural ingredients. Cassie seemed so happy that she hugged Aphrodite, although she seemed embarrassed afterwards. Aphrodite wrapped the items in beautiful paper and sprayed perfume, adding several free samples.

"Have a great day!" She waved to the girl who skipped out of the store, smiling widely.

Aphrodite turned around only to face a nasty ogre.

Well, close. It was Jessica.

"What was that?" Jessica asked, voice sweet like sugar. Aphrodite wasn't fooled. She heard the subtle threat.

"I was just helping a lost little girl." She responded, pushing past her scowling coworker. Jessica rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, keep rolling those eyes. You might find a brain back there." Aphrodite smirked.

 _Aphrodite-2 Jessica-0_

* * *

Back at the apartment, Hera was attempting to make a cake, trying to prove to herself her maternal abilities. She was sitting at the dining table, open cookbooks strewn across the table, dirty bowls and utensils on the counter. Flour and powder was was on the table, dirtying the cookbooks. The milk and sugar were open on a chair.

Hera was tiredly looking down at the recipes, her brown hair tied in a messy ponytail. She had flour on her hands and forehead.

Zeus walked in, taking in the state of the room. He looked at her. "Are you baking?" He asked, surprised. She looked up and hummed in response and looked back down.

"Are you finished?" He asked, looking around, expecting something that she made.

"No, I'm not finished yet." She said moodily.

Zeus looked around. "Really? Because it... _looks_ like you finished."

Hera suddenly stood up. "I can't do it! Each time I try to mix something, it becomes a clumpy mess! And all these so-called professional recipes all cancel out one another. One says to put in the wet ingredients before, and one says after!" She looked exasperated.

"And how in Hades do you fold an egg? That's not possible! It's...it's _sorcery_!" She cried out.

Zeus put a hand on her shoulder and kissed her on the cheek. He would never admit it out loud, but she looked adorable. Her eyebrows were scrunched together in frustration, and her cheeks were flushed.

"Why don't we take a look at this again?" He grabbed the book, wiping off the flour that spilt on it.

After choosing a simple pie, they started mixing the ingredients. Zeus shook out a napkin that had powder on it, and it accidentally went all over Hera. She stared at him, and he widened his eyes.

"I'm very sorry! I thought-" He was cut off as Hera grabbed a handful of flour and threw it at him, covering him and making him close his eyes.

He looked at her in shock for a few seconds before smirking evilly.

"Oh, it's on!" He yelled before grabbing the bowl of sugar and took cover behind a chair.

* * *

 **A/N: THIS. TOOK. FOREVER. TO. REWRITE. I swear I am never trusting my computer again. With the help of Chinese food and "Despacito", I was typing like a pro. Jobs are tough! And so is school. I will be going to college next year so I'm not speaking from experience, but I've heard stories! Oh, the expenses! Oh, the homework! I'll do research I promise! Sorry for the coding. I rewrote some of the parts because I lost them. It was like a jigsaw! Trying to find all the missing parts was confusing. I had to dig through my email. I found some old photos and music. Cringe! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed!**


	5. How to get kicked out of Target 101

**Disclaimer: Blah blah blah. No, I do not own the PJO characters. Or anything I mention. I don't want to be sued.**

 **A/N: Hello my lovely kiwis! (That's the fruit of the day). I was so happy to get all the views and reviews! I was like..."Wait, people are reading this?" I did a little dance on the bus and got stared at weirdly. So thank you! **

**And this chapter is basically what I do. So if you say "Pssh. This isn't real!" Hell yes it is. I have no shame. So cue theme music...And here we go!**

* * *

Athena was irritated.

No, she was past irritated. She was _infuriated_.

Everyone was getting on her last _nerve_. All she wanted to do was get back to her home. She longed to feel the power thrum beneath her veins. She wanted to teleport herself to another country. She wanted to smell the salty ocean breeze, feeling everything and hearing everything as she closed her eyes.

She didn't _want_ to be in California, it brought back memories she'd rather keep locked away. And nobody was helping. They were behind schedule.

Feeling tears prick her eyes, she shook her head. Why was she crying? She was actually happy moments ago as she joked around with the girls.

Oh. Emotions. _Yikes..._

Mortals have strong emotions, especially women. That's why she felt her mood swing without warning from one minute to the other. And that's probably why Hera felt more loving towards her husband. The icy barrier Hera tried to put up as a goddess to rid herself the pain of adultery, was melting as she felt these new stronger emotions.

Pulling herself together, Athena decided to check on the others. She walked into the living room seeing Dionysus upside down on the couch, his eyes closed.

"You're upside down." She pointed out.

He opened one eye before closing it again. "Ooo. _Someone's_ been watching Blue's Clues." He said sarcastically.

"Where is everyone?" She asked, scratching the back of her neck.

He sighed and mumbled something about _"Gods forbid being able to meditate in peace"_ , and sat down.

"Well, Darren and Samantha are still in the kitchen cleaning." He looked up at her, smiling.

" _Get it?_ Samantha? Because Hera's a _witch_?" He snickered. "I'm hilarious."

"Wow. Your humor amazes me. Please _do_ teach me your ways." She said dryly.

"Hephaestus and Hestia are sleeping. Poseidon left for his new job as a swim instructor. Hermes is still working the computers. And Hades is still holed up in his room..." Dionysus continued. Just as he finished, Hades walked out, looking like a zombie.

Dionysus pointed at Hades. "Oh, _look_. The thing came out of its cave!"

Hades ignored them both and walked to the kitchen. A minute later he walked out of there with a grimace marring his features and he say on the couch, rubbing his eyes. "That can never be unseen."

Dionysus shook his head and closed his eyes again. "I don't even _want_ to know..."

Tired of the two, Athena went to check on Hermes. As she walked to the room, she saw Artemis walk in the same direction. She smiled, and her smile was returned. They both entered Hermes's room and their smiles dropped.

Saying it was a mess was an understatement. Empty pizza boxes, clothes, papers and more were covering the floor. Artemis looked around in disgust, muttering "Men are pigs" under her breath. Athena glared at him.

"What in _Hades?_ Hermes! I said to clean your room!" She cried.

Hermes looked up from the laptop, bags under his eyes.

"I did!" He said defensively, before looking down again and typed furiously.

"Are you blind? A tornado would make a neater mess! When I said clean, I meant actually _clean_. Not making a path from your bed to the door!" Athena said in disbelief. Organization for her was a number one priority.

Artemis nodded. "It's a pigsty. This is taking messy to a whole new level!"

"You two are mistaken. It is not messy, it is purposely designed as an obstacle course to keep me in shape. See, I'm _smart_!" Hermes said cheerfully, pointing to his brain.

Athena pinched the bridge of her nose. The things she had to deal with daily were ridiculous.

"I'm not kidding. Clean your room. Now." She said seriously.

Hermes pouted and crossed his arms.

"No. Dobby has no master. Dobby is a _free_ elf!" He said.

"Don't you have a new job? Don't want to ruin your non existent career." Artemis reminded him.

Hermes shook his head. "I called Megan. She said Macy's diner was closed for a few days because there was a problem with the... _thing_. I don't remember." He reassured.

"So you girls can fully enjoy my company for hours on end!" He said joyfully.

"Marvelous." Artemis muttered. She walked out of the room fists clenched, followed closely by Athena.

Hermes grabbed the laptop and walked in the same direction. He took a seat in the nearby chair. Zeus and Hera walked out of the kitchen, looking drained, and white powder was still in their hair.

"What are you doing over their, _oh elfish one_." Dionysus asked Hermes.

"I'm making each of us a Facebook." He replied, still absorbed in the screen.

"Facebook?" Zeus asked, confused.

"It's the _new_ MySpace." Hermes said absentmindedly.

"MySpace?" Hades asked, equally confused.

"It's the _old_ Facebook." Hermes said.

"Facebook?" Zeus asked again, more agitated.

Dionysus sighed, and answered for Hermes. "It's where sluts complain about other sluts being sluts." He waved his hand around airily.

Hermes nodded. "Perfect explanation. Most college kids have a Facebook. I'm using photoshop to make pictures of us... Here I am in Oahu looking fine as hell. Ooo _fancy._.."

* * *

"Why are we doing this again?" Zeus said, looking at the window, contemplating his chances of survival if he made a run for it and jumped out.

Hera turned around and smiled, pleased. She took the two notebooks off the shelf and looked at both of them, eyes narrowed. "Green or blue? Blue or green? Hmm. Blue is the color of wisdom, but green is the color of life and self-respect. Choices, choices..." Hera mumbled.

Zeus looked up to the ceiling, before looking back to his wife. "Green is also the color of _money_. Which we are lacking, if I remember correctly..." He reminded her.

"Nonsense. I'll just get both." Hera said finally. She put both notebooks in the basket that Zeus was carrying, and looked at the next thing on the list.

Zeus grumbled, and looked over to Dionysus who was holding nothing. He went up to his son and dropped the basket into Dionysus's arms. Then he turned away quickly and hid behind his wife who didn't seem to notice.

Dionysus stared blankly at the crap in the basket. Too much to carry. He walked over to a cart in another aisle, whose pusher was too busy looking at the items in the shelf. He quickly dumped out the stuff and pushed it to where everyone was.

"Well that's fuckton easier. This is the _right way_ to do things..." He said, whistling.

Hestia was shaking her head, amused. Demeter stared at the cart. "Now that's what I call _lazy._ "

Dionysus paused, leaning his body on the front of the shopping cart. "It's called conserving energy." he replied.

"Lazy." She repeated.

"Selective participation." He corrected.

It was at this time Hermes came running into the aisle, breathing heavily as he pressed his back against the fruit snacks shelf and peeked over the shelf before snapping his head back.

"Life Lesson: Never wear a red polo to Target." He shook his head, traumatized.

Apollo was too busy trying to push the metal object at the end of the chain on the shopping cart, into the hole to get back his quarter. He was growling to himself. "I worked hard for this goddamn quarter! And I wont let a _shitty_ metal... _thing_ get in my way! Move you stupid piece of..."

He was interrupted as Hermes took the end of a sharp object, and pushed it into the hole, making the quarter fall into Apollo's hand.

Apollo looked stunned for a second before looking over to Hermes, who started to back away with his hands up. Apollo ran up to Hermes and reached for him.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH HERM-HERM! _Come here!_ I wanna cuddle you so hard!" Apollo cried happily. Hermes tried to run away and Apollo pouted.

"LET ME LOVE YOU!" He yelled loudly, attracting odd looks from people nearby.

Apollo finally caught up to Hermes and hugged him tightly. " _Sshh_. Just let it happen."

Finally, Hermes gave up on trying to escape, and awkwardly patted Apollo's back. He thought of something to get out of his brother's hold. "Hey Polly. Wanna do something?"

Letting go, he quietly went up to a cart that was half filled. The person was crouched down, reaching under the shelf, looking for items. Hermes took cereal from the shelf and put it carefully in the cart. Smirking, Apollo followed his lead, putting in cans of soup and peaches. They filled the shopping cart to the brim, and walked away just in time to see the man turn around and widen his eyes. Hermes quickly took a can of tomato sauce from the shelf.

"Here it is! By golly these gosh darn things are hard to find. Oh, well. Let's get a move on, Oliver!" He said, pulling on Apollo's sleeve.

Demeter looked unimpressed. "Isn't that a bit immature at your age?"

Apollo snorted and looked at his brother who was putting condoms in a couple's shopping cart. Then he added some boxes of pregnancy tests and backed away, before skipping to the next victim. "We are never too old to put random shit into people's carts. It's the beauty of being an _eternal youth_ who never ages." He explained.

"On a scale on one to a hundred, how immature do you think you are?" Hestia asked.

Apollo though for a second before answering. "69." He smiled.

Demeter and Hestia shared a look. Hestia took a small bag of something from a box and whipped it at Apollo's head, laughing.

Apollo didn't manage to catch it, and it hit his face. "Oh! Ouchie! What is this...fertilizer? Auntie, why did you throw fertilizer at me? Violence is never the answer." He reprimanded.

She smiled mischievously. "You needed to grow up." She answered.

Demeter burst into giggles. "Good one!" Hestia mock-bowed.

Apollo shook his head. "Oh, I get it. It was like a joke. Except, not funny."

Hestia rolled her eyes, still smiling.

"You think I need to grow up? Well, hmph. Guess who isn't invited to my treehouse! That's right, be sad!" He pointed at them, a smile of victory on his face.

"My brother! Come quickly!" Hermes was yelling excitedly. Apollo followed him and saw a pile of bouncy balls. A bunch of them were styled into poke balls.

"You know what that means..." Hermes said slyly. Apollo smirked and grabbed a handful of balls. Hermes did the same. They saw random people walking by.

Apollo suddenly opened his mouth and let out a loud battle-cry. "I CHOOSE _YOOUUU_!" He screamed on the top of his lungs and whipped the balls hard at the scared looking people.

"What the hell?" A teenage boy said, looking confused.

"I've been searching for a man. All across Japan. Just to find, to find my _samurai_!" Hermes started singing.

Apollo joined in. "Someone who is strong. But still a little shy. Yes I need, I need my _samurai_!"

Hermes and Apollo sang louder. "AY AY AY! I'M YOU'RE LITTLE BUTTERFLY! GREEN BLACK AND BLUE MAKE THE COLORS IN THE SKYYY!"

They continued throwing the poke balls to any person they saw pass by, yelling, " _PIKACHU!_ "

Demeter and Hestia were long gone, choosing to not associate themselves with the obviously crazy duo. Artemis face-palmed, and massaged her temples.

"I need to remember to buy some Aspirin..." She sighed. She heard the horrible screeching of her two brothers.

"And duct tape..." She added.

Deciding to walk away and find her relatives that were normal, she ran into Athena.

"Thank the Gods! You wouldn't believe what I had to deal with-"

Athena seemed to be preoccupied. She was in the books section, growling to herself as she read the information in the books. "We use only 10% of out brains? That is completely _false_! And lightening never strikes the same place twice? That is-... _Who_ wrote this Gods Forsaken books?" Athena looked mad.

"Dr. Merlin? I wish you were a real wizard so you could make yourself disappear! How dare he comment on the ozone layers field of the solar system as if it weren't in danger as a protective-" She went on, insulting the so-called professional authors, correcting their errors.

Artemis cleared her throat, hoping to get Athena's attention. "Athen-"

" _OH HADES NO!_ That mortal Jonas Salk did NOT discover the cure for polio! It was a  vaccine, and _my_ child was the first to develop it! Salk took his work!" Athena look angered, ready to rip the book apart.

Artemis stared at her.

 _'Guess not'_ she thought.

She walked over to another aisle. It had numerous toys and figurines. She saw someone familiar, back facing her. She realized it was her Uncle Poseidon and was about to ask him something, but he cut her off.

"I am King of the Waters! Nobody shall rule me! **Bow** peasants!" He said in an overdramatized voice. He was holding a nerf gun and he pointed it to everyone who passed by, spraying then with water.

"Ah ha! Suckers! I need this in my life! Why don't I have this back in my realm?" He talked to himself softly, gazing lovingly at the item in his hands. Then, a little girl came smiling, holding a doll in her hands. Poseidon smirked and sprayed her face, making her run away crying. He looked worried for a second before smiling brightly. He looked way to amused than considered normal, and petted his new best friend.

Artemis groaned. Not this again. She decided to find Demeter.

Finally, she found Demeter in the plants section, mumbling to herself. "This plant needs to be exposed to sunlight in order to grow. And why did they put the _wrong_ information on the little tab? It does not grow in a few weeks, it takes at least a _month_!"

"What is this flower doing here? It's going to get ruined by the fluorescent lights! Do these mortals know _nothing_ about nature?!" Demeter cried, annoyed.

Artemis looked to the side, where she saw Hestia giggling and jumping around while blowing bubbles. People were staring at her weirdly, but Hestia didn't seem to notice. Huffing, she turned around violently, abruptly running into a man. His hazel eyes were filled with worry as she almost fell. He caught her, but she pushed him away, disgusted. He frowned, confused, when a voice echoed through the store.

"ERIC! My man!" Apollo smiled, putting an arm around him.

Eric smiled back. He turned his head to Artemis who was glaring at him and muttering about 'Dirty men laying their hands on her'.

"I'm really sorry. I wasn't paying attention!" Eric said, worriedly.

Apollo shook his head. "Don't worry, my sis can handle it. She's a little firecracker." He put up his hand to ruffle Artemis's hair, but it was slapped away by a scowling Artemis.

Eric's eyebrows shot up and his face lit up in recognition. "Oh! This is Selene, the sister that you told me about!" He said in understanding.

Apollo nodded. "Yup." He said popping the p.

"So, Eric. What are you doing here?"

Eric rolled his eyes and said sarcastically, "Oh, you know. Hunting elephants. The usual."

Apollo looked around in wonder, as if he was searching for elephants. "Maybe they're in the banana section." He then took a safari hat from a cart nearby and walked away cautiously, humming "The Lion Sleeps Tonight."

Eric stared after him, amused. "He has way too much energy for someone his age."

"You have no idea." Artemis murmured.

Eric turned to her. "I'm very sorry about your loss." He said sympathetically.

Artemis blinked. What was this man yapping on about?

"You know, you're dog" He continued.

Artemis looked confused. "My _dog_?" She asked.

Now it was Eric who looked confused. "Your dog who died. Orion?" He said.

" _Orion_?" Artemis repeated.

"Yes. Apollo told me." Eric said, a sad look on his face.

Artemis was red in the face, her hands fisted. "Oh did he? How _thoughtful_." She said, her teeth clenched.

She started walking away, in the direction that Apollo went.

"Where are you going?" Eric asked.

"I'm going to go make myself an only child." She replied cheerfully.

"Nice meeting you, Erin."

"Eric." He corrected, but she was already gone.

" _Wow_ ," he said dryly, "Just like Lisa and Bart..."

* * *

Looking for Apollo was, Artemis was embarrassed to say, pretty difficult to say the least. She felt like she checked every aisle twice. Franky, she was tired.

Stopping for a few minutes, she saw Dionysus lively pushing the shopping cart and putting snacks inside, well, more like flinging, as he read from a magazine. Artemis contemplated asking for help, and ended up sighing.

"Have you seen Apollo, by any chance?" She asked.

Dionysus looked up from his magazine, which she saw was 'The Wine Spectator.'

How _fitting_.

Thinking for a moment that Dionysus would protect Apollo and tell her no, she was surprised when he nodded. "Of course my dear huntress." He answered, waving his hand in the other direction distractedly while continuing to read an article. "Last I saw, he was in the technology section, modeling for pictures as Hermes used the cameras. But I also saw him go frozen food section, eating the testers..."

A woman marched up to them, looking angry and anxious. "Excuse me, but have you seen my cart? I turned around and it was gone! Someone must have taken it!" She cried.

Dionysus looked at her in disbelief. "How _dare_ they! For shame! I swear some people have no respect...Would you like us to aide you?" He asked politely.

The woman smiled at him and shook her head. "No, thank you. I see you look busy. But thank you. Men like you show me that chivalry is not dead." She said.

"Oh, _stop it_." He waved her off, smiling innocently. "I'm just doing my civil duty."

The woman walked away, and Dionysus looked back to his article. He snorted. "Chardonnay is the best wine? _As if!_ Sherry is the way to go. Don't you agree Art-" He looked up and realized Artemis was gone.

"Talking to myself again, eh? I'm going to go _borrow_ a wine cooler..."

* * *

Aphrodite was looking at the clothes at the nearby Thrift Store.

 _Cringe Level: Over 5000_

She was surprised to actually find cute outfits for half or a third of the real price at more expensive stores. Ares was looking like he'd rather not be there, busying himself by imagining all the ways he could kill an annoying person with a spoon. He listed 52 so far...

"Babe, are you sure we can afford this?" He asked tentatively, pointing to the pile of clothes she put on a chair.

"Of course we can. Jordan gave me a credit card in case of emergencies. And this is an emergency. A _fashion_ emergency." She said, distracted.

"I don't think that's-" He started.

"Just let me shop and no one gets hurt." She warned.

"To be honest, I think you're a shopaholic." Ares said truthfully.

"I'm helping the economy." Aphrodite retorted.

She looked at the price tags and smiled. "Look! This normally goes for at least $80! Now it's $19.99! Can you _believe_ that?" She said happily.

Ares snorted. "Yeah. $19.99, because $20 is a _scandalous_ amount of money."

Aphrodite ignored him in favor of holding a black long sleeve shirt in front of him, furrowing her brows and thought very hard. She finally nodded and put the shirt on a hanger, putting back another blue button down shirt on the shelf.

"We are going to walk into that college like it's nobody's business." Aphrodite said excitedly.

Hades took this time to walk up to them, holding a plate of cookies in his hands and a look of betrayal on his face. Nobody bothered to ask where he got the plate of cookies in a Thrift Store.

"Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are one of the main reasons I have trust issues." Hades pursed his lips.

"Well, _that_ and I'm a manic depressive sociopath at times. I'm leaning more towards the first reason. Yeah, let's go with that for everyone else's sake." He said, looking down at the cookies. He dumped them on the ground and stomped on them until they were crushed.

The cleaning lady went to grab a mop, but Hades put his hand up.

"No," He said, glaring at the cookies, "I want to watch them _suffer_."

The cleaning lady looked at him, before shrugging and walking away looking creeped out and very puzzled.

Aphrodite was looking at graphic tee, " _'When a guy calls you at 3am just to tell you he loves you.'_ " She put it back on the shelf, snorting. "Wake me up at 3am, and I _kill_ you."

Ares gulped, laughing it off nervously. "We live together. And I have no phone. So all is good. No killing necessary."

She looked at him, a glint in her eye. "Or is it?"

She laughed at the expression on his face. "Close your mouth, darling. You look like a dying goldfish."

* * *

Apollo was prancing through the aisles. He stopped at the women's department, ignoring all the stares. Nobody said anything.  
"I guess I have to step up my game." He muttered.

He picked up a lacy nightgown and exclaimed loudly, "This would look _fabulous_ on me!" He put it across his arm while searching for other clothes. He saw a bright pink shirt with a kitten on it.

"Oh," he gushed. "This will match my _baby_ Leopardo DiCatrio!"

At this point, everyone in the surrounding area was looking at him, and some people were whispering to each other. He suppressed a smirk.

 _Wonderful._

An employee came up to him as he was looking at the stilettos in the corner. "Hello, sir. Would you like to check out men's section? We actually have a sale on-"

Apollo put on his best offended expression on. "Just what are you _implying_?" He started blinking wildly.

The woman looked at him worriedly. "Are you alright?" She asked.

"The nice people in the white suits said if I take my pills, I'll be okay. And I did!" He nodded furiously, showing her a bottle of chewable Vitamin C's.

"The people...in the _white suits_?" She asked. Apollo just smiled secretly, and skipped away, dumping the clothes in a baby stroller.

Hemes was covering his mouth with his hands, trying to suppress his laughter and he composed himself.  
Then, Apollo and Hermes looked at each other in the eye for 2.534 seconds before bursting into uncontrollable laughter.

"Du-ude. Tha-a-t was hi-hilarious!" Hermes tried to breathe, but he was laughing too hard.

Apollo couldn't talk, so he just nodded. Finally, he stopped laughing for long enough to say, "You owe me five bucks, man."

Hermes pouted. Apollo, sensing his best friend's mood dampen, decided to suggest something.

"Hey. Want to run people over with shopping carts?" He suggested.

Hermes nodded and smiled. "Extra points for kids."

* * *

Artemis was outside with Athena, wondering where everyone was, when she heard protesting.

"No! Anything but the light! Oh, it _burns_!" Hermes screeched.

Apollo was arguing with the security guards who were pushing them outside. "Doing the can-can in a public place is perfectly legal. And what's wrong with men wearing dresses? What happened to this _equality_ everyone keeps talking about?" He fell to the ground. "Personally, I think I looked fetching."

The man glared at Hermes. "Next time, don't sing _'Too Sexy for My Shirt'_ while stripping in front of the 6 year olds in the _children's section_!" He said angrily.  
Hermes shrugged. "Believe me. When I woke up this morning, I didn't have plans to be this sexy. But hey, shit happens."

Athena decided to intervene before they were arrested. "Haha! There you are!" She pulled both men by their arms roughly, ignoring their protests.

"I'm do glad you found them, good sirs." She shook the men's hands.  
"They have... _issues_. My father calls them _special_. They were banned from most stores, but they must have escaped!" She said.

The security guard on the left nodded. "Just make sure they don't come back here. We have to go inside back and neutralize another situation. Something about a drunk man threatening to turn people into dolphins or something..." He said, walking back inside.

" _Oh boy_." Athena sighed.

Looking to Hermes, she asked, "You stripped in front of children?"

"They needed to learn self-confidence early on!" He defended.

Aphrodite ran to them, looking elated. Behind her, Hades and Ares walked slower with endless amounts of bags in their arms. They looked like they were trying to avoid tripping and dropping the bags, fearing the wrath of a certain love goddess.

"Hey everyone! Guess what! So...I bought us back to school clothes. I measured all your sizes as you slept, and now we shall conquer the world with our jaw-dropping fashion!" She exclaimed.

Artemis groaned. "Aphrodite. I do not need more clothes! And stop getting ones with sentences such as _'Dark Side of the Moon'_ or _'I'm a virgin who can't drive.'_ It's undignified!" She said, looking irritated.

Apollo looked at Aphrodite, smiling.  
"Clueless. Nice." He said.

Athena looked at him, glaring. "No, no, no. You are not getting out of this. You are hereby grounded from leaving the house for the next 24 hours." She told him.

Apollo gaped. "But...but- I had plans to take coins from the wishing fountain from the mall!" He cried out.

Ares looked at him, eyebrows raised. "That's a whole new level of stupid."

"And besides, Athena, you are not the parent here! You don't get to tell me what to do." He said, crossing his arms, looking ready to stomp his foot.

Athena smiled. "Oh, but that's where you're wrong by buddy friend! Zeus gave me full permission to act as appointed supervisor when he isn't here." She said smugly.

Demeter walked out, hands dirtied by soil and she was soaked in water. "I was searching everywhere for you, Athena!"

"What happened to you?"

"Well," Demeter began, "I was finishing rearranging the plants the correct way, when I heard a commotion. Poseidon decided to collect all the water from the drinking fountain into the water gun. He was shooting everyone on sight! I tried to pry it from him, but we both fell and the pipe in the bathroom burst. We ran before the security guards came." Demeter looked out of breath as she finished.

Artemis covered her face. "I'm surrounded by morons."

"Arty! That's not nice." Apollo complained.

Hera walked out quickly from the store, Zeus behind her, carrying a very clearly drunk Dionysus who was still yelling. Poseidon, who was shivering in his soaked clothes, followed behind.

"I'll kill ya- you old... _hag_! At least my face doesn't look it caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a baseball bat!" He shouted. "And guess what else-"

Zeus put his hand on Dionysus's mouth, and pulled it away as he felt his son bite him.

"No! I will never give in to the system. Never! I would rather _die_..." Dionysus cried, looking serious.

Hermes didn't look surprised. "Where are Hestia and Hephaestus?" He asked.

Demeter tried to wring out her shirt from all the water. "Hestia drank the bubble solution in order to try to make bubbles with her mouth. Let's just say, there's a reason a warning is on the label. Hephaestus was near her, since he was _'escorted'_ out of the power tools section, and he walked her home." She explained.

Poseidon spoke up after a moment. "Well, that went... _swimmingly_." He then burst out in laughter at his own joke.

Athena looked unimpressed. "Am I going to hear a water related joke everyday?" She asked.

Poseidon sobered up and huffed at her. "Not with _that_ attitude, you won't."

* * *

 **A/N: Hey peoples! Hope you enjoyed that pile of siliness! I actually did most of that at stores. I was politely told to never go to that Target again. Psshh, they're missing out. I'm making everything up as I go, so the gods won't go directly to college in the next chapter. So, who's your favorite charcter so far? Who do you want to see more of? Just keep in mind that I've never been to Cali, so if I make a mistake...my apologies.  
**

 **If you liked this chapter, review!:D They sate my never-ending thirst for verification. And if anyone has any suggestions, please message me!**

 **~Uni**


	6. It's not lying if you believe it

**Disclaimer: I don't own anybody, or anything.**

A/N: Hey, bananas of the world. So thank you so much if you reviewed!:) I'll answer some of the questions from the last chapter:

 **Guest:** I'm glad you think that! I wanted to make Aphrodite a little vain/conceited and at times very bitchy. But, at the same time she ha a sweet side.

 **shadowluminus:** That, I did. I'm a rebel (I'm actually just careless). And thanks so berry much! I'll have to put an alarm to remember to update. I'm forgetful...

 **Icee:** I'm so happy you feel that way.:) I tried to shape them into what I think they're like. And remember, they're younger now, so they're more childish! *cough*ApolloHermes*cough* And for the ships...hmm. Didn't really think of everyone, but Aredite and Zera are definite. I'm thinking of Oc's who I can pair some people with. I'm keeping a lot of ideas hush hush. So stay tuned;).

And oh my Lordy! So many views!

I cannot explain how much happiness at you guys reading my story! I'm using a lot of exclamation marks...so I'll stop...

Anyways. This story does have swearing in it, (I toned it down from my usual speaking...this is not M rated), so I apologize if you get surprised by my potty mouth. (Naughty, Uni...Baaad.)

Also! The outfits mentioned in this chapter (and the next) are on my polyvore account, so I'll put the link on my profile!

Drumroll please...

AND GO!

* * *

"Three hundred dollars? _Three hundred fucking dollars_ for a goddamn book? Does it come with a motorcycle? What the hell does this book do?" Hades cried.

"What do you think it's going to do? It doesn't _do_ anything. It's a book." Hestia said.

"For three hundred dollars, it better come to life and give me a lap dance!" Apollo said.

Artemis looked at him, disgusted, and she was looking slightly annoyed that she was across the room from him so she couldn't hit him. "You are a repulsive freak of nature..."

Apollo rolled his eyes at his sister. "Oooh, _zinged_ me there! How long have you kept that one in the holster?"

Just as Artemis was going to stand up, Hermes put his hands in a calming motion. "Guys. Can we at least _try_ not to be douchbags to each other?"

Aphrodite raised her hand. "I agree. Seriously. All this bad energy is killing my vibe."

Apollo snickered. "What's with the gloves, Minnie Mouse?"

"Um, moisturizing gloves?" She said in a 'duh' tone.

Apollo raised an eyebrow. " _Riiight_."

Aphrodite ignored him and sighed.

"We should really commit ourselves to winning the lottery." She said.

Hermes suddenly jumped up and ran to the room. A minute later, he came running back, laptop in hand. He opened it up, tapping his fingers impatiently. "Why does he have a _Windows_? Slow beyond belief..." He mumbled to himself.

He typed away in a speed could match. "Okay! I found a few PDF's of our books, except one. I can easily download these."

"That's great. But we have no laptops. Or phones." Hephaestus said.

"Well, we'll figure that out. I here they have a lot of used books in the library." Athena suggested.

Poseidon nodded. "We can just slap some tape on them and call it a day."

Ares looked deep in thought. "Wait. When I was looking around the mall, I passed a place that lets people borrow laptops. I'm pretty sure it was cheaper for students." He said.

Aphrodite smiled and kissed him for his idea.

Athena looked impressed. "That's a good one! We can just contact them. Hermes can you..." She stopped short, looking for Hermes, as he was not by the laptop.

"Where did he go?" She asked.

Apollo raised his hand, eating his crackers very loudly. "He got this look when Hephy mentioned that we have no phones. I'm not sure where he went...he's probably doing something _incredibly_ responsible." He said.

Dionysus shook his head. "Hermes doing something responsible? The end is nigh!"

Hera looked pointedly at Apollo. "You have to go do something!"

Apollo put a sheet over his head, covering himself. "I'm not here. This is my invisibility cloak."

"We can still see you, moron." Athena said.

Apollo huffed. "Yeah, well. It's still in beta."

* * *

Not even an hour later, a certain someone came running though the door. Actually, not through. More like hit the door with extreme force while attempting to open it with his head. He was holding a backpack that looked a bit heavy, and most of the occupants of the room were looking at it cautiously or curiously.

Dionysus was holding a wine glass with water in it. He wasn't allowed alcohol since 'The Target Incident'.

"You have returned, Legolas! What have you in that sac? A ring I suppose?" He said in a dramatic voice.

Hermes grinned at the movie reference. "No, my fair lad. I have acquired a more valuable set of items on my travels. They are a rare luxury from a village far, far away named 'Apple'. This magical device is called an iPhone." Hermes took out the iPhones from his backpack. There were black and white iPhones, and many different cases.

Athena immediately rushed in front of him, looking horrified. "What is...? What... _WHAT_?"

Hestia walked up beside her, looking worried. "What she means to say is...how did you get all of these?" She asked. She looked scared of the answer.

"Well. At first, I was going to see if I could possibly get a deal on phones. You know, as a package for 14 people. But the man was a dickwad and refused to give me a deal! Each of them were hundreds of dollars. And the man said the only way they were free was if I was part of a company." Hermes started.

"So what does my genius self do? Well, I'll tell you what. I walked out of there! Yup yup yup, I did. Luckily, the restaurant nearby was the sort that was very expensive and fancy. So, no judgement, I borrowed a suit from the back room. Then, I took sunglasses, and gelled my hair very sophisticated-ishly."

Athena interrupted him. "Sophisticated-ishly? You're sticking with that word?" She asked.

Hermes glared at her, looking miffed. "As a matter of fact, yes. Yes I am. Can I get back to my super epic awesome and cool and fabulous and supercalifragilisticexpeala...expeala...umm...what was the last bit again? Meh who cares. Anyways! My story."

"So, I dolled my sexy self up and walked into the same Apple store looking like new man. I walked the walk of a confident dude. Then, I managed to convince the other worker that my name was Darren Lowes, CFO of a new company across the country. And in need of new iPhones. Score one for me! It took a bit longer than expected, but after 20 minutes talking to the manager, I walked out of that store with new phones and a new suit!" Hermes finished, breathing heavily after explaining rapidly.

Artemis rubbed her eyes. "So, you basically stole thousands of dollars worth of technology?"

"And a suit. I think it's Armani." Hermes corrected, wiping the lint off his shoulder.

"Not relevant." Artemis groaned. "Seriously? You faked being a CFO?"

"That was the sequence of events, yes." Hermes said.

Athena crossed her arms. "I know that we needed these, but stealing is not right! Isn't that correct Hera. Hera?"

" _Ooo!_ It has a peacock case! It's so preeeetty." Hera said, looking at her new phone in wonder.

"Well that was a swing and a miss." Artemis muttered.

Athena pursed her lips. "Either way, it was a stupid move."

Apollo was quick to disagree. "It was actually a smart thing to do!"

"No. It was not." Athena argued.

"Um, si señorita." He replied.

"Um, no señor." She retorted.

"Okay, don't go Spanish. I went Spanish." He huffed.

"Guys!" Hermes interrupted. "Just be happy!"

"Yeah, Athena", Apollo agreed. "Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."

"Here, here! You should accept us for the mind blowingly-gorgeous people that we are." Hermes said.

Dionysus snorted. "Athena enjoying your humor? That would be a snowball's chance in hell." They turned to see him taking selfies on his new phone.

"Oh Gods. The selfie disease has infected him!" Hermes gasped.

Dionysus ignored him, and looked at the pictures he took. "Wowza! I should call a modeling agency. I think I'm ready to go pro.."

"Yes, yes. You're a special little snowflake." Poseidon nodded.

"Actually," Athena began, "No two snowflakes are the same..."

"Ssshh. Hear that? That's the sound of no one caring.." Dionysus said.

"I didn't tell you all of my story." Athena pouted.

"That okay, it gives me something to look forward to." Demeter replied.

Apollo was laying face down on the couch. "The days are approaching close! I still don't want to go to school. It should be called hell!"

Hestia pulled him from the couch lightly. "We need to do this. Remember? Blending in and everything?"

Apollo fell in a head on the couch again. "It could be dangerous!"

"And social." Hades agreed. "Bonfires and pep rallies and..people. Lots of people."

Athena stared at him. "Okay, we're not going to _Rydell High_."

"Well, anyhow. We should expect the unexpected." Poseidon said.

Suddenly, he was slapped in the face by Hermes, who grinned.

"Bet you didn't expect that, now did ya?" He said.

* * *

"No."

"Come on!"

" _No!_ "

"Please!"

Artemis closed her eyes and tried the method of counting to ten to avoid hurting her twin in a very painful place.

"What part of 'no' did you get stuck on? The 'n' or the 'o'?"

"But we live in LA now! There are so many parties that we could attend. We're going to college, might as well party like the teens we are!" Apollo argued. "Dad! Can I.."

Zeus was trying to sleep, and looked like he would mind-zap that next person who interrupted his nap. "No. Ask Hera."

Apollo turned to the woman. "Hera, can I.."

"No." She answered.

Apollo looked dejected. "I wish I had Dora's parents. They let that bitch go _everywhere_..."

He looked at Hermes who was typing away at the computer. "You know, Hermes. You're a great story-teller. I feel like there should be a 'Story Time With Hermes' series, because of how many cool adventures you had and need to share." Apollo commented.

Aphrodite nodded. "Yeah. And you would sit on a big plush chair in a library in MasterPiece Theater, wearing a knitted sweater and smoking a pipe while telling us all your stories."

Dionysus looked bored. "I'm sure that show would be canceled after the first day. Scratch that...after the first hour."

"Do you have no happiness or do you just give none of the fucks?" Apollo said, looking affronted.

Dionysus huffed. "I do, actually, give a bunch of fucks. Tons and tons of them. I'm a hooker of sentiments."

Hermes looked up from the computer. "You should try out all the technology. This is rad."

"When you're able download food, we'll talk." Dionysus retorted.

"GUYS!" Aphrodite raised her voice, massaging her temples. "I feel a spree coming on. Not sure if it's a shopping or killing one. So shut your Dorito chutes, _now_ , before I test it out."

There was silence.

"Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning, thundercloud?" Hera asked.

"I'm not a thundercloud, I've got plenty of sunshine. At least I'm not like Zombie Man over there who hates everyone." Aphrodite said, pointing to Hades.

"I don't hate everyone. Hating is an action that takes too much energy on my part. I just pretend they're all dead." Hades shrugged.

* * *

"Brandais."

"..."

"Brandais."

"..."

" _Brandais_!"

Dionysus's head suddenly shot up.

"Oh! Me! Yeah...um. Brandais Lois."

Demeter sighed and wrote something on her notepad.

"Okay, next. Zeus, you are Donn Costas."

Zeus nodded.

"Hades will be Alastor Costas and Poseidon will be Dorian Costas. You'll all be brothers, capeesh?" She said impatiently.

"Andro Drakos? Really, Ares?" Aphrodite said.

He nodded. "It sounds badass."

She shrugged. "Oki-doke."

Athena turned to Hermes. "Your name is Ryder Harris, right?" She asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, and I put Hera down as Regina. Regina Vasco."

Aphrodite pouted. "Why not Regina George?"

Hephaestus looked at his name. "Hadyn Nicolas? Well, I guess it's not the worst name...What's yours, Hestia?"

"Candice Zika." She answered. "I chose Demeter's new name as well. It's Fonda Tocci."

Athena looked relieved. "Well, at least we all have Greek surnames. If anyone asks, we can say that our parents immigrated from there."

Apollo smiled. "Yes! We could tell a _heartbreaking_ , _tear jerking_ tale of our determined parents who dealt with blood, sweat, and tears for a new life. They were _dirt poor,_ and they had _nothing_. But they wanted their children to live the American Dream, and decided to leave everything they knew! Oh, the drama!" He exclaimed.

"Or", Athena interrupted. "We could just say that they had family here and decided to move...?"

"Mainstream and boring." Apollo muttered.

"Oh, and you're such a hipster? You wear Ray Bans for crying out loud!" Aphrodite said.

"Can we focus? Just for a few moments?" Hera sighed.

"Yes, let's follow the checklist! We still have a lot to do." Demeter agreed.

"In the meantime, I need to go to work." Hermes said, getting up.

"I do, too." Athena and Dionysus said at the same time.

Everyone looked at Dionysus.

"You have a job? You?" Zeus asked surprised.

"You underestimate my powers." Dionysus replied. "I got a job as a bartender."

Apollo fist pumped the air. "Now we can get free drinks! This is all turning out splendidly!"

Artemis looked at him. "Since when do you use the word 'splendidly'?" She asked.

"Since I grew up into a mature adult. See, Polly's a big boy now!" He replied.

"Oh, so never then." She said.

"You need to cool it with the whole 'holier-than-thou' attitude. This isn't Burger King, you can't have it your way." Apollo argued.

"I will not take advice from someone who believes that television was created by the government to control our minds." Artemis said, looking annoyed at the situation.

"You just can't handle my smartness. You don't want me stealing your thunder! What I say is correct, and tough nuts to you if you refuse to believe them. How sad the life you must lead." Apollo declared.

Artemis refrained from slapping her brother. "Fine. Write all your ideas in an abstract composition book. Go wild! Buy post-its with crazy colors!" She said with fake enthusiasm.

They both turned when they heard Hera's stomping feet. She looked annoyed. Very annoyed.

"It wasn't me I swear." Apollo said, just in case.

He was ignored as Hera passed him, walking straight towards Hermes who was looking calm. _Too_ calm.

She crossed her arms. "Why did you eat all the donuts?" She asked, her eyes narrowed.

Hermes looked up, putting on an innocent face. "Donuts? I wasn't even aware that we had donuts. I didn't eat your precious round pastries, dear Hera." He said calmly.

Hera growled. "You have white powder all over you!"

He looked down at his lap which was in fact covered in white powder, seeming to notice it for the first time.

"It's cocaine." He said finally.

Dionysus looked amused. "Not your best lie, messanger boy." He said, smirking.

"Silence!" Zeus yelled. Everyone closed their mouths.

He smirked. "Still got it.."

"Now", he began, "We still have much to do. College is upon us. That will pose a challenge. We also need to figure out how we will find the new threats. There is no time for fighting!"

The silence was broken by Dionysus, who announced his departure.

"Hasta la vista, baby."

Hermes looked disappointed. "Well, I can't top that awesome exit. So, ninja H. out." He said, lacing up his shoes.

Hestia raised an eyebrow. "You're not a ninja."

"Did you see me do that?" He replied easily.

"Do what?" She asked, looking confused.

He looked smug. "Exactly."

* * *

"In what universe are you over 21? Certainly not this one." Dionysus said knowingly at a girl who was trying to get a drink.

"This is _totally_ me! I swear. I just, like, dyed my hair and wore contacts." The girl, Alicia apparently, said. She was twirling her hair, and trying to show more cleavage. Dionysus was not impressed.

"Who are you trying to fool, child?" He asked.

The girl scoffed. "Child? You look 20! So don't even!"

"Want to list anymore invalid arguments before I slap a no on you?" Dionysus retorted.

"You're a jerk!" She cried.

"It's called 'fuck off' and it's located over there." Dionysus said, pointing to the exit doors.

The girl looked like she was about to cry and stomped away. Her friends glared at him. Another girl came up to him, looking angry and tried to look intimidating. Dionysus tried not to laugh out loud.

"Guess where Alicia is now!" She said angrily.

"Guess who doesn't give a shit." He replied.

"I'm telling the manager! You're getting fired, loser." She declared, looking proud of herself for whatever reason.

"I'm beside myself with joy. I can hardly contain myself." He said in mock happiness.

The posse of girls turned away, walking in the opposite direction of the manager.

Dionysus closed his eyes and massaged his face with his hands. "Dear Fates, when I asked if this day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question. Not a goddamn challenge."

"Excuse me?" A man's voice called.

Dionysus looked up and saw a man and woman who looked similar. They both had the same pale skin with freckles, brown eyes, and red hair.

"We're hoping to get some alcohol. College is soon. Stress, you know?" The girl asked.

"Yeah. Nothing like a good cup of wine to relax." The boy said.

Dionysus grinned at both of them.

'I've found my people.' He thought.

"Righto." He agreed, getting two bottles of wine and grabbing three glasses. "Chardonnay or Sherry?" He asked.

"Sherry." They both said at the same time.

The boy chuckled. "Chardonnay doesn't even compare!"

Dionysus smiled widely. "We three need to talk. Who are you guys, may I inquire?"

This time, the girl answered. "I'm Trina and this is my brother Dawson. We moved from Toronto. Starting college here. You?" She sipped at her wine.

"I'm Brandais. Moved here too, from Long Island. Starting college too." He answered. What's the harm in making a few acquaintances?

"Cool." Dawson said. "I'm studying law and Tiny Trina is majoring in the sciences department."

Dionysus nodded. "I'm majoring in psychology." Because, why the hell not?

Trina smiled. "So, what are you doing working at a bar?"

Dionysus smirked. "As you said before, nothing like a good cup of wine to relax."

* * *

Hermes heard the jingle when he entered Macy's diner. Hopefully he wasn't late. He couldn't afford to be late on his first day.

"Good. I was hoping you wouldn't bail."

He turned and saw Megan leaning on the counter. She was holding several plates and cups in her hands.

"Since it's your first day, you don't need to do the night shift. Not yet." She explained. "Hold up, I'll get your uniform in a sec."

Megan put the dirty dishes in a sink nearby and crouched down to grab something in the drawer. Luckily, he caught the clothes as Megan threw them with force.

She smirked and crossed her arms. "I'm on break, so I'll give you the grand tour."  
He followed and tried to follow her pace.

"Okay, this is the kitchen. I don't think newbies are allowed to cool until they prove that they won't burn the oven while trying to heat up water to make tea..." She trailed off, seeming distracted for a second before clearing he throat.

Hermes smirked. "Seems awfully specific."

Megan shoved him lightly. "Watch yourself, rookie."

Hermes rolled his eyes. "Rookie? You've been working here a year, so don't even."

Megan looked amused, but didn't answer and continued to walk. "So, this is the back room. Usually new shipments arrive here. You can change in here. I'll give you a few minutes." She said, and walked out.

Hermes looked down at the uniform. It was similar to Megan's, but instead of a black skirt, they were pants. The white shirt was accompanied with a black bow tie. There was also a white hat.

"What is this? A diner from Happy Days?" He groaned.

Reluctantly, Hermes put on the black pants and white button up shirt. Fingering the bow tie for a few seconds, he finally tied it around his neck.

"Get a job, they said. It's good for you, they said. Pssh. Look at me now. And what's with the hat? I look like Goldie Wilson!" He exclaimed.

He almost jumped when he heard a voice behind him. "I'm pretty sure he was the Mayor of Hill Valley. Somehow I doubt you'll be able to pass as the Mayor."

Megan was taking off her apron as she stared at him.

"Right. So, you start your shift now. Ever been in hell?" She teased.

Hermes smiled secretly. "Define hell."

"Come on, I'll show you the orders."

* * *

"I'm sorry ma'am. We don't have...brown mayonnaise..." Hermes said tentatively, eyeing the pregnant woman who looked ready to burst into tears.

"But...but I need them with my pickled sardines!" She cried.

"I have brown mustard.." He suggested. He wasn't very good at dealing with crying woman.

Instantly at the mention of brown mustard, the woman brightened and grabbed the little packets from his hand.

"Thank you so much! Do you happen to have chalk?" She asked.

Hermes scratched his neck. "I'll...check in the back."

Hurriedly, he walked to the counter and rubbed his eyes. He heard Pete, the cook, laugh at his exhaustion.  
Finally, he walked to the nearby table to take a woman's order. On his way, a middle-aged man stopped him.

"Excuse me, young man. When does the Four O'clock 99cent coffee start?" He asked, looking curious.

Hermes stared at the man, before answered. "Um...I'm pretty sure it starts at 4..." He said.

The man smiled and nodded, walking away. Hermes shook his head and walked to take another order.

"Hello. My name is Ryder. Can I take your order?" He said as politely as he could. The woman looked up and smiled.

"Yes, I would like a crispy chicken sandwich." She answered.

"Which one?" Hermes asked, taking out his pen and notepad.

"The crispy one." The woman replied.

"Yes, you mentioned that. We have different kinds of chicken sandwiches." Hermes explained.

"I just want the normal crispy chicken sandwich." The lady frowned.

"We have 4 different ones. The spicy one, the one with a few new sauces, the one with different veggies and the special of the day." He sighed.

The woman looked thoughtful. "Which one has bread with it?" She asked, looking completely serious.

Hermes took a deep breath and tried to suppress the voice that was screaming for him to zap her.

"All of them do. They are _sandwiches_." He replied.

"Yes, I'm quite aware what a sandwich is. I'm not stupid." She said snappily. She looked at the menu once more.

"But which one has the _crispiest_ chicken?" She questioned.

 _Lord, give me patience._

* * *

An hour later, Hermes was ready to explode with pent up annoyance and anger.

 _'And I thought being a messenger was tough.'_

Megan looked at him and smiled knowingly. "I'm guessing the first day wasn't the best?"

Hermes groaned and covered his face in his hands. "I had a man complain to me that his ice cream was too cold. What even is that?" He exclaimed.

Megan started laughing. "Well, this is one of the hardest jobs to have."

"I'm going to disagree. Working at a bubble wrap factory. Oh, the self control!" Hermes argued.

Megan shook her head and put on her jacket. "Heard you got chewed out by the assistant manager today."

"A customer complained that she ordered the ice at the bottom of the glass, and it was at the top. So sorry! Let me rearrange the fucking laws of physics and you should be hunky dory!" Hermes said sarcastically. "When I planned to 'grow up', this shit was _not_ expected."

Megan snorted. "You're telling me. My career plans were much more exciting when I was 7."

Hermes closed his eyes.

"Screw this, I'm going to Narnia."

"You do that." Megan smiled. "Being me back one of those swords, will ya?"

* * *

Fourteen adults stood in front of a university, looking at it as if it was a monster.

"Well," Hades began, "This is pretty anticlimactic."

"Yeah." Apollo agreed. "I was expecting explosions of some kind. Dramatic music at least."

Hermes looked at him, a mischievous expression on his face. "We could make our own expressions."

Athena interrupted. "No, no, no. This is the first day of school. We are not blowing anything up!"

Apollo and Hermes pouted. "Party pooper."

Aphrodite looked please with herself. "Does everyone like the outfits I picked out?"

Athena touched her owl earrings. "I like the owls."

Hades rolled his eyes, but was secretly pleased at the black outfit he was wearing. "Yeah, _real subtle_ with the colors and symbols."

Aphrodite smiled and twirled, her pink dress flaring out.

Hestia looked at her paper. "I have history first."

"I have math." Hephaestus said.

Demeter nodded. "We all have different classes. Meet under the tree during the lunch period?"

Everyone agreed.

"Ready?" Athena said.

"This is it. _Education_. Yay for us." Dionysus groaned.

They all calmed themselves before entering the building.

School had officially began.

* * *

AN: How do like them apples? (I actually hate apples. I hate them with a passion...)

Bit of a cliffie at the end there, kinda. Check my profile for the outfits mentioned at the end of this chapter and the next.

Sorry for the long wait, I was on vacation. No wifi, it was tough.

So! I am planning to do a dremcast of my characters here. I've got a few, but if you have any ideas for actors/singers/models who you imagne to look like these chacters, please tell me.

As always, thannks for reading and reviews give me feedback.

Till next time!

-Uni


	7. Welcome to the 9th realm of Hell

**Disclaimer: *sigh* I still do not own anything.  
**

 **A/N: OH MA GAAASH! I am so so happy for all the views! I wish I could hug you all! *virtual hug* Thank you for reading my story, because it means a lot to me:)**

 **Responses:**

 **Nicole-Witch-Poseidon'sLilGirl: AW SHUCKS! I'm glad you like it:D Apollo and Hermes are my snugglymuffins. I always imagined them to be besties who wreck havoc upon everyone. And I am so happy I made you laugh. Normally, people stare at me weirdly...BTW, great username!**

 **ResidentOfCabin6: Thats so sweet, and thanks! I get the warm and fuzzies when people say that:)**

 **ehwe: I'm relieved that you think that! I randomly get hyper and write down my ideas, so I hope I don't come off as _too_ crazy. ****And I love all of them too! They are like my babies!**

 **Icee: Working in the service industry is like hell. Hermes seems like a worker bee with all his messages. And Katie as Athena is awesome. She seems like the wise, regal kind.  
**

 **breakout214: I imahine Dionysus to be really sarcastic and witty. And bored with everything. My first day is soon...*cringe***

 **shadowluminus: Thank you so much! You better review soon, as well;)**

* * *

Aphrodite was walking to her first class which happened to be Chemistry. Walking past the halls to find room 134, she heard a wolf whistle.

"Damn girl, you're one fine stallion." A man with obviously dyed spiky blonde hair said with a smirk. What was with the hair? Seriously, didn't he know he looked like a troll doll from the 90's?

Aphrodite rolled her eyes. She had no time for this crap. "A stallion is a _male_ horse you moron."

The man crossed his arms in what he apparently thought was a 'cool' gesture. As if...

"Woah there, woman. Just because you're on your rag doesn't mean you have to be a bitch." He growled.

"And just because you have a dick doesn't mean you have to be one." Aphrodite said flippantly. "Now if you know what's good for you, get the hell out of me way!"

Aphrodite didn't wait for an answer as she pushed the annoying man out of her way. As she storemed away, a strong arm grabbed her.  
"If you want my opinion, I'd say that you're just playing hard to get." He said, that stupid smug smirk still on his face.

Aphrodite ripped her arm free and glared at him. "I don't believe I asked for your opinion, so kindly _drop dead_."

Then she grabbed something on the floor, and stomped away. The man smirked, looking at her as she walked away. Then, he went to get his phone from where he left it, and realized it was gone. He looked back to the place the girl had just left, and groaned.

Several feet away, Aphrodite smirked and she looked at the phone in her hands. As she was about to throw it in the trash, she paused. This phone could be useful in the future. She put it in her bag and walked into her class. Most of the students were already there. She took a seat next to a girl who looked harmless enough. The girl had black hair tied into a braid, and green eyes with large glasses. The glasses actually went well with her facial structure. The girl turned to her and smiled lightly.

"Hi. You look new. I'm Seraphina. But call me Sera." She introduced herself, holing out a hand. Aphrodite accepted it and gave a smile of her own.

"I'm Isabella. But call me Bella." Aphrodite replied.

Sera nodded. "I think I saw you at Sephora once..?" She asked.

Aphrodite chuckled. "Yeah! I work there, there's actually this girl.." She was cut off as the teacher finally arrived and cleared his throat. He was a middle-aged man with circular glasses, and a serious, but not strict , look on his face. He wrote his name on the board. 'Mr. Reynolds'

"Okay, class. Since today is the first day of school, I won't give you a quiz." He began.  
The students cheered and most sighed in relief.  
"But, who are we kidding, this is college. You have an essay due tomorrow along with a debate on..."

Aphrodite zoned out, groaning as she was lost in her own thought. She was shaken lightly as she heard a voice.  
"Bella. _Bella_!" It was Sera.

Aphrodite sat up straight and realized everyone was packing up and leaving. Gods damn it, she slept through her first class...

"I fell asleep? Aw. I'll get in trouble!" Aphrodite cried. Sera shook her head as she put away her books.

"Nope. I didn't even realize you were out of it, until I asked you a question." She answered. "Most people were on their phones anyway."

Aphrodite looked confused. "Wait. The teachers allow us to sleep and mess around in class? Isn't that...not allowed?" She asked.

"This isn't high school. Professors don't give two shits what you do. If people want to screw around and waste their time, they don't care." Sera explained. "Don't worry, I zoned out too. But, I recorded the whole lecture. I'll send it to you."

Aphrodite sighed in relief. "Oh, you saved my life! I owe you." She promised.

Sera laughed lightly and grabbed her bag. "I'll hold you to that. Let's get going, I have Lit. next." She groaned.

Aphrodite, on the other hand, looked ecstatic. Literature always included romance, and romance was her specialty. "I do too!" She cried happily.

Sera raised an eyebrow as she walked beside Aphrodite. "I thought you were a Fashion Major? These classes are mandatory, you know." She said, looking a bit surprised.

"I like reading. Especially romance novels. Not those cliché cheesy ones, though. I prefer the star-crossed lovers, the greek tragedies, the complex love lives..." Aphrodite trailed off, a far away look in her eyes.

Sera chuckled. "I'm still waiting for my knight in shining armor."

Aphrodite put her hand on Sera's shoulder. "Beware. At this point, you may think you've found your knight in shining armor. But, he's just another retard in tin foil."

Passing the halls, she noticed many girls swivel their heads towards a man with his head down. Only when he looked directly at her, did she realize it was her Ares.

Sera whistled lowly. "Damn. That boy is fiiine. He's new around here, I would've noticed someone who had that kind of face..." She trailed off.

Aphrodite smirked, not looking the least bit jealous. She walked in Ares's direction and pulled Sera along with her. Sera was whisper-yelling protests.

"What are you doing? We can't just walk up to him!" She cried.

Aphrodite ignored her and finally was in front of her boyfriend. "Hey there. Drakos, right?" She feigned curiosity.  
Ares smirked and went along with it.

"Mhmm. And who might you be, pretty lady? Let me guess...you look like a...Bella. Isabella." He pretended to try really hard. "Am I correct? I'm usually right about these kinds of things. Some say I have, ahem, _special powers_."

Aphrodite nodded, trying to look impressed. "Wow. Some might say those powers were, dare I say it, _godly_." She winked. They stared at each other for a few seconds before laughing.

Sera looked back and forth at both of them and pointed at Aphrodite. "Um, Bella? Do you know each other?" She asked.

Ares put his hand to his heart. "Oh, how you wound my heart! You didn't mention your darling love? I feel the pain." He said dramatically.

Aphrodite rolled her eyes and turned to Sera. "Yes, he's my idiot boyfriend." To make her point, she turned to Ares and kissed him in front of everyone. She heard some gasps and whispers.

Sera smiled. "Well, you look like an adorable couple."

Aphrodite turned to Ares. "How was history for you?"

Ares growled. "Horrible! That idiotic professor had no idea way he was doing. And how dare he say that the war of 1812 was not..." As he continued to ramble about war and conspiracies, Aphrodite put a hand on his shoulder.

"Honey, as much as I'd love to here you tell your exceedingly interesting tales of woe, I have to get to Literature." She said, pecking him on the cheek before grabbing Sera's arm and running to the next class.

Sitting down in a seat, she promised herself she wouldn't fall asleep again. The teacher came in a few moments later. She was an older woman in her mid to late 40's. Her brown hair that was slightly tinted with red, was pulled back into a messy bun. Her skin was slightly tan, and made her hazel green eyes stand out. She was wearing a a long flowy skirt with many colors. Her shirt was black and plain, but many necklaces were clasped around her neck. She had bangles and a few rings. All in all, she looked more like a hippy than a teacher.

"Hello class." She began in a happy voice. "My name is Rita Lorens. You can call me Miss L, Miss Lorens, or simply Rita if you wish."

"This semester, we will primarily focus on the older tales. The more tragic, the more romantic, the more drama!" She cried.

A student groaned. "Oh, god. What is she _on_?"

Rita didn't look the least bit faced. She turned to him and smiled, a bit of a scary smile. "Young man, I am not forcing you to stay in this class. If you do not wish to participate, don't bother showing up." She tuned to face the board.

Sera nudged her slightly. "So", she whispered. "What do you think of the new teacher?"

"Man, this woman is a chameleon. I have nothing but props for her." She answered.

Rita turned and smiled at everyone. "So, I'd like to start with asking you all what we should study first? Which love story should we..." She trailed off when she saw several hands shoot up.

"I think we should modern love stories. Maybe something with gang violence?" A girl said. She looked very shy.

Rita nodded. "That's actually a great idea! Anyone else?"

"How about any war love stories? World War 1 and 2 were bound to have those." Another boy suggested. He got a few looks. "If we'll be studying love stories, at least war will keep them interesting."

Aphrodite was thinking of an idea when she heard a disgustingly familiar voice. "I think we should do the Titanic." Three guesses on who it was.

Aphrodite peeked to confirm and...yes, it was that irritating bitch Jessica. She groaned. At work, and now at school too? What's next, was she going to move in right by their apartment? Choosing to annoy Jessica, Aphrodite put up her hand.

"Yes." Rita smiled at her.

"I don't think that counts since it's a movie. And I think we should something not discussed very much. Bonnie and Clyde were always a favorite of mine." Aphrodite smiled.

"That's a fantastic thought, Miss...?"

"Prima. Isabella Prima."

Jessica was pointing ignoring her, choosing to glare at the wall instead. The girl from earlier raised her hand.

"I think Bonnie and Clyde is a good idea." She said.

The boy who spoke earlier nodded. "Yeah. There are many conspiracy theories. Besides, they were criminals. That could be exciting to write about." he explained.

Rita smiled. "It's settled then. We'll do the story of Bonnie and Clyde!"

She turned to Aphrodite. "Great work, Bella. I'm sure you'll do amazing in this class."

Yes, this teacher was _definitely_ making it onto her list of favorite people...

* * *

Athena was surprisingly totally okay with how the day was going. Her classes were very easy so far. Her second class was with Hestia and Hephaestus.

Checking her next class, she realized it was Civic Education. Splendid! She sprinted so she wouldn't be late to class, since it was on the other side of campus. Finally, she arrived, short of breath. Taking a free seat, she noticed the professor wasn't here yet. She sighed in relief. Turning to the person to her left, she decided to make polite conversation.

The man to her left had gelled up chestnut hair and blue eyes. He was wearing black rimmed glasses and seemed to be bored with the world.

"Excuse me." She said. The man turned to heard and raised an eyebrow, as if he wasn't impressed with what he saw. "Sorry, I just wanted to say hello. So, what's your name?"

"Oliver Van Duke." He replied snootily. "You can tell me your name, but I doubt I'll care." He turned back to stare blankly at the board, then seeing someone wave to him, he stood up and grabbed his books.

Even the way he walked was infuriating. Athena really hated the way he felt the need to include a swagger into his every footstep, hands shoved into his pockets, as if he thinks he's the coolest shit to walk the earth. Just as she was about to stand up and give him a piece of her mind, she remembered that the plan was to blend in. A girl sitting near Athena laughed softly.

"You just got Oliver-ed." She teased. "That's Oliver Van Douche, as everyone likes to call him. He's one of the richest kids here, and one of the smartest. Rumor has it that all the Ivy League schools wanted him, but he turned them down because he wanted to go to California. He's basically just a huge jerk and..."

"Let me guess, his world revolves around him?" Athena finished off.

The girl nodded. "I'm Sandra. Everyone calls me Sandy. Please don't mention Grease though! That well is dry, the eagle has flown. It is done, over!" She explained. "Sorry, but if I hear _'Sandy! Why-y-y-y oh, Sandddyy!'_ one more time...I will hurt somebody."

Athena laughed, but got shushed by a boy in front of her. Feeling childish, she shushed him back. He shushed her back, and the pattern went on until they were loudly shushing each other and everyone was looking at both of them. Tired of this boy, she threw a pencil, just as the teacher walked in. Luckily, he didn't see anything.

He did look at the boy who shouted "Ow! Oh, fucking _hell_! That hurt like a-" He trailed off as he stared at the professor.

"Hello students. Welcome to ECON 119. If you don't know my name from orientation, my name is Mr. Heath. Don't call me Rob, Robby, Robert, Heath, or by god 'The H Man'." He said exasperatedly.

"This semester, we will be studying the introduction to the basic tools of micro- and macroeconomic analysis. Economics, itself, was actually founded thousands of years ago. Can anyone tell me where it began?"

Athena's hand shot up. "From Ancient Greece, of course. The word 'economics' comes from the Ancient Greek word 'οἰκονομία' (Oikosnomos). Oἶκος (oikos) means 'house' and νόμος (nomos) means 'law'. Therefore, together they form 'laws/rules of the house'." She finished.

Most of the occupants of the room were staring at her. Mr. Heath looked impressed with her knowledge.

"That is shockingly coherent." He said. "Thank you for your opinions Miss...?"

"Manolis. Aubrey Manolis." She answered proudly.

"Manolis? I'm guessing that you're greek?" He asked. Athena nodded in affirmation.

"Huh. A met a young man, who was apparently greek, in the halls. He was rhyming about himself in greek and referred to himself as _'Super-hella-sexy-gorgeous-expialadocious'._ Do you by any chance know him?" He asked.

Athena tried not to roll her eyes at her half-brother's idiocy. "No, I'm afraid I don't." Feigning indifference.

After class, she she decided to discuss some things with Sandy. She saw her having a heated discussion with Oliver.

"No, you can't be serious. You will not be president of that club! I don't care how much money you have-" Sandy was interrupted by the jerk himself.

"I can do whatever I want. Just because you think you have the capacity to-" He started.

Athena cut him off before things could escalate to the point of no return. "Hey Jimmy Neutron, take a walk." She said pointedly at Oliver, who scoffed and stalked away like the drama queen he was.

"Thanks for that." Sandy said gratefully. "He's just so...ugh! Infuriating! Sometimes I want to slap him and other times I want to-"

"Murder him slowly with a spoon and dump the body in a river?" Athena offered.

Sandy looked thoughtful for a moment. "Huh...Never thought of that one."

Then, an irritating person decided to reveal his presence. "Are you gals taking about murder? Want some advice?"

Athena tried walking away from Apollo, pulling Sandy with her, even though Sandy wasn't putting much of a fight. She was too busy trying not to drool.

"No, I really don't. But I'm sure you'll tell your advice anyways. So, you don't give me much of a choice, now do you, SuperMoron?" Athena said tiredly. She dealt with enough stupidity today.

"You're completely right! So. In order to be a criminal mastermind." He started, stage-whispering as if they were gabbing about gossip like old friends. "You have to stab them with the best weapon in existence. An icicle."

"An _icicle_?" Athena looked unconvinced.

"Yes! An icicle!" Apollo nodded furiously. "If you weren't aware, my dear Thee-Thee-"

"Don't call me that." Athena looked more tired than annoyed.

"-all that melts. The whole solid-liquid-gas shit lesson that nobody paid attention to in class. Therefore, evidence=nada. And _tada_! You're so very welcome." He finished off with a smug expression of pride.

Sandy looked amused and even Athena was smiling and shaking her head. Leave it to Apollo to cheer her up.

"As PBS style educational that murder-motivating speech was, I think you should be getting to class?" She suggested.

Apollo froze for a minute before running past them...

In the wrong direction.

Sandy looked unsure for a minute. "Does he know that-"

"Wait for it..." Athena said.

Seconds later, Apollo came running the other way, tripping on a pencil on the ground and falling. "Mother. Of. _ASS_!" He yelled before throwing the pencil away (which hit an innocent person who was walking by) and running to his next class.

Well, hopefully his next class.

Sandy looked after him. "Well, he seems like he's got a lot of... _energy_."

"That is my half-brother Dayton." Athena chuckled.

"He's got a lot of misplaced enthusiasm."

* * *

"The Fates have a vendetta against me. It's because of that poem..." Apollo decided. He looked to the sky. "I'm sorry guys! When I said you were ugly people, I meant that you were... _beautiful_ monkeys!"

Distracted, he whacked himself on the wooden bench and ran into a tree. A kid nearby laughed hysterically.

"Ha ha, loser! You failed!" The small boy pointed out.

Apollo glared at the little spawn. "So did your dad's condom."

Rushing through the doors, he climbed the stairs two by two."I did not fall. I do not fall. The floor hates me. And...and tables and chairs are bullies! And the wall gets in the way!" Apollo tried to reassure himself as he ran through the corridors.

He dropped all his papers and books and swore loudly. "Mother _fluffing_!"

He crouched down and gathered all his books. "Goddamn it." Trying to balance all his books and backpack on both arms, he ended up making everything drop to the ground again. Apollo sighed.

"Well, that happened..." He rubbed his face before getting on his knees and shoveling everything inside his bag. "The L in my luck has been replaced by an F..." He groaned.

"Uncoordinated much?" A sarcastic voice said behind him. Apollo turned around and saw a man who looked snooty beyond compare. He had brown hair and blue eyes, with black glasses.

"It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces." Apollo defended.

"I'm sure. Now excuse me as I go smoke my e-cig in the bathroom..." The guy said smugly, as if that was such a badass thing to do.

"Wow. That's so _risqué_!" Apollo gasped fakely. "Very Rebel-Without-A-Cause."

The man had the audacity to laugh. "Well, I imagine your offspring would have the intelligence of a fruit fly."

...Not cool. Not cool at all.

"How about you fall this time. But instead of falling into the wall, you can fall into a coma." Apollo suggested. "And if you get better, I'll make you a nice hot cup of 'shut the fuck up'. It should work _wonders_."

With that, Apollo turned around and strode to his next class.

Screw it, he was already late to his class by at least 10 minutes. What could 5 more minutes do?

Finally getting to the right hallway, he did a cha-cha victory dance.

Was this a university or a damn labyrinth? Because at this point, Apollo wasn't entirely sure.

He saw a familiar face as he almost found his room. Could it be...?

"Hermes!" He cried out.

The said man shushed him and looked around carefully, before smiling. "What are you doing here, Poll?" He asked.

"Looking for a class, what else? It's number 274." Apollo said, looking at his schedule.

"I feel you, man! This place is seriously giving me the heeby-jeebies. I can't find where anything is. My last class, I had to follow people. That's not how I roll!" Hermes explained.

"Truer words may never be spoken. I was insulted by this...mortal. Well, that word has an empty meaning since we are...you know. But, he made a jab at me! How dare he go there!" Apollo huffed angrily.

Hermes narrowed his eyes. "How tall was he?" He asked.

"About...6 feet, I guess. Around my height." Apollo said, puzzled. "Why do you want to know?"

"Oh, you know. Nothing much." Hermes shrugged nonchalantly. "Just needed to know how big to dig the hole in the backyard. Anyways, I should be getting to class. Later!"

Hermes hurried to the other direction as Apollo smiled. They always had each other's backs.

He shook his head and ran to the door. He should at least get some information. Entering, he tried to do so quietly, but found the room was loud. Everyone was talking, sleeping, on their phones, or just messing around. He must have looked lost because a random student faced him.

"The teacher is apparently a no-show. We had a free period."

So...he rushed, fell multiple times, got insulted, dropped everything, thought he was a failure at life due to tardiness, and fell again...only to discover it was all for nothing?

 _"Son of a mother!"_

* * *

Apollo's next class was Theater. Which was a major relief. At least he'd have a subject that was something he understood. Trigonometry wasn't the highlight of his day. He couldn't see how linear functions and solving formulas by determining the square root of X, was going to help him.

The auditorium was pretty big, and there were quite a few people there. Where should he-

"Dayton! Dude, this is weird." Eric smiled. "I thought you'd be dead after what happened at Target. Your sister is scary."

"Tell me about it." Apollo agreed.

He looked around the room.

"I didn't know you liked theater." He told Eric, who rubbed the back of his neck bashfully.

"Yeah. It's sort of a hobby. In high school I was never the sports kind of guy, so I did Drama Club." Eric explained.

Their conversation was interrupted as a loud clap was heard. "Okay, students! So you think that you're ready to act? You think you've got the right stuff?" The teacher said. She looked about 50 years old, her greying hair loose, and her face stern.

A girl raised her hand. "This is Theater, right?" She asked timidly.

The girl looked down as the teacher gave her a harsh glance.

"Moving on." The teacher continued. "My name is Mrs. Johnson. Do not call me Andrea."

"Can I call your Mrs. J?" Apollo asked.

Her stern glare was the answer.

"Guess not..."

"You will have to get into groups that I assign and learn new things about each other. Teamwork is essential." She said.

She started listing names and the people got into their groups of 15. Since their were about 150 people in the class, and 10 groups, 15 people had to be in each group.

See, that was math, wasn't it?

"Lolita Kane, Dayton Kellis, Eric Kevins..." She listed off.

"Your last name is Kevins?" Apollo asked.

"Yours is Kellis, so you don't get to judge." Eric retorted.

They both walked to the circle (more like a square) and sat down. The girl named Lolita looked at him curiously for a second.

"Your name sounds Greek, but you don't look Greek. You're blonde and stuff..." She pointed out. "What's your race?"

"Um... _human_." He answered. Apparently he said something funny, because the surrounding people laughed.

"Alrighty then..." He said quietly.

There was an awkward silence as everyone tried to avoid each other's gazes. They weren't going to get anything done if this continued.

"Guys, guys, GAIZ!" Apollo started. "Maybe we should start with our names and why we're here today."

Eric nodded. "Seems legit. I'm Eric Kevins. 19, and a freshman. And I'm here because I like theater."

"I'm Lolita Kane. I'm 19, too. I'm here because I love, love, love plays and production. I've always wanted to go on broadway!" She said excitedly.

"I'm Dayton Kellis, 19 and freshman. I'm here because my half-sister put my schedule together, and knew I liked acting. She calls me a Drama Queen. That offends me because I should be called a Drama King." He shook his head. "And she calls herself smart."

The introductions continued. Some people loved Theater, and some admitted that it was just a class they took for the credits. One guy said it was a dare. He didn't want to ask. That guy had meth lab written all over him.

They don't have much to say to each other, so everyone just sat quietly, or busied themselves with other things.

One guy who looked like a major player and jerk, was telling some friends about a new 'chick' he saw.

"I'm telling, you she was the hottest girl I've seen. I'm pretty sure she's new."

Apollo decided to join into the conversation, because, why not?

"Ooo. Met a broad, have we?" He questioned, a smile growing. Ah, young love.

The man smirked and nodded. "She is the woman of all women. Auburn hair, silver eyes, and an attitude to match. She told me some pretty nasty things after I tried to cop a feel, but she just likes playing cat and mouse."

Apollo's smile fell and he clenched his hands. _Nobody_ touched his sister.

Eric tried and failed to hold him back.

And Apollo guessed that being written up for _'unacceptable aggressive behavior towards another student'_ , wasn't the worst punishment.

* * *

Dionysus decided to take his sweet time walking to his next class. The amount of stupid people he had to deal with today was ridiculous. Actually, this whole situation was ridiculous.

It was as if reality decided it was time for a vacation and logic got really drunk. It all went downwards from there...

And what was with all these couples? Was it _mating season_? You would think with all the young adults eating each other's faces, that the Zombie Apocalypse was upon us.

Well, truthfully, all the lovey dovey crap going around like the flu, Dionysus felt a tad homesick. He missed Ariadne. Her glowing smile, her long flowy hair, her beautiful eyes.

Shaking away his thoughts, he went to a nearby washroom to kill time. When he entered he heard muffled sobs, and he suppressed a groan. He tried to make a detour, but a hand grabbed his leg.

"I don't belong here! This...this univeristy. I'm _worthless_!" The man sobbed.

Dionysus made a clucking noise and tried shaking his leg. He stopped when he realized that the man's damn hands tightened around his leg.

What was he, an anaconda?

The only other option was to just go with it.

Dear God.

"There, there." He consoled, patting the man's head like a dog. "You aren't worthless."

The sobs subsided a bit, and the man looked up. "I'm not?" He questioned.

"Of course not. Organs are very valuable in the black market." Dionysus explained.

That seemed to stun the man for enough time to escape from his stubby clutches. Running was the best option at this point. Dionysus heard a 'ding' sound coming from his pocket. Realizing it was his phone, he unlocked it and saw it was a message from Apollo.

 _'I would rather get frostbite and die, than give into the system.'_

Was he supposed to know what that meant?

Typing took too much effort, so he decided to give Siri a try.

"Siri. Reply to..."

Dionysus looked at the contact name. 'Sexy Beast' Dionysus changed it to 'freako'.

"Freako. Tell him 'What the hell'."

Apparently, the power of technology was lacking, because Siri wrote _'What the help'_

"No, Siri. Hell. _Hell!_ " He exclaimed.

 _'Not a word'_ popped up on his screen.

"Hell, is a word. It's a _noun_. Don't play games with me Siri." He said snappily.

Dionysus got a few stares, probably from talking to his phone. He decided to just text the three words, and hit the send button.

Walking into his classroom, he saw it was an art class. Since when did he have art? Athena probably did it to spite him.

As he was about to sit down, he saw two familiar faces. Red hair.

"Brandais! Over here!" Dawson called.

Trina, who was by him, smiled as she put her hair up in what appeared to be an updo.

"Hey Bran! How does this messy bun look?" She asked.

He looked at the ball of scrunched up hair tied by an elastic. Is this what hairstyles have come to over the years?

"You look like a homeless drug dealer." Dionysus said bluntly, and threw himself into a chair.

Dawson burst out laughing and Trina huffed indigently, but she was smiling.

"Thanks for the honesty." She said.

"Anytime." Dionysus answered. "So, what are we doing?"

"We are creating a new species with only paper!" A perky woman cried happily. She was obviously the teacher.

Wasn't this just the cherry on top of a great day?

"What now?" He asked again. But, the teacher skipped away, eagerly talking to other students.

Dionysus looked over to the twins, who looked equally lost. He took the piece of paper and folded it. Then, folded it again. Then he crumpled it up.

"I didn't sign up or this origami bullshit." He growled.

By some miracle, the paper must have heard him and got offended. Dionysus got two paper cuts.

"Stupid piece of..." He threw the offending wad of paper into a random direction and heard a shout.

Trina and Dawson both looked at him.

"Whoopsy fuck." He shrugged.

"You swear a lot, you know that?" Trina pointed out.

"I like to call them ' _sentence enhancers_ '." Dionysus corrected.

* * *

Hermes never felt more bored in his entire life. Math was definitely not his thing. He saw Hephaestus listening, and probably judging. He was forbidden from playing pranks on the professors. Hera was such a buzzkill!

"Okay, I'll put this into terms you party kids most likely understand. I have 7 bottles of alcohol in one hand and 6 bottles of alcohol in the other hand. What do I have?" The teacher looked expectant at Hermes.

"A drinking problem?" He guessed.

Needless to say, the professor was not amused.

"Mr. Harris. We are not here to play fun and games. Where is your book, may I ask?" He questioned sternly.

"At home." He answered.

"And what is it doing there?" The teacher asked.

"Having more fun than me, apparently."

Luckily, the class ended, and Hermes rushed to pack up his items and went to the next class. He was seriously hoping that he wouldn't get lost.

That was brutal. Whoever said that putting an 8am class as Mathematics, was seriously disturbed. What was this, Shawshank Redemption: The Sequel?

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice where he was going, and bumped into someone. Well, that bump was more of a collision of two people that resulted in the other person's books falling onto the floor.

"I am so, so sorry!" He cried out, falling to his knees and picking up the fallen objects. He noticed that sunglasses were on the floor, also.

Looking up, Hermes saw a girl about his age, groping the floor to find something. She had a long pointed object in her other hand.

He handed her the sunglasses, and she smiled gratefully. The strangest thing was that her eyes seemed to be unfocused. She stood up and took her books from Hermes's hands.

"Thank you so much. Normally, people don't help me. True gentleman you are." Her voice was soft and soothing.

"Oh, I'm just the typical savior. Saving cats from trees, helping old ladies cross the street. Rescuing damsels in distress." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, but she didn't seem to react.

"My hero." She said dryly, but she was clearly amused.

He looked at her appearance. She was pretty, but in a sweet girl-next-door way. Her hair was a dark blonde with highlights. Before she put on her sunglasses, which was weird since it wasn't sunny inside the building, he saw that her eyes were a pale green color.

"So does that lovely face go with a lovely name?" He asked. "By the way, nice necklace."

The girl smiled. "I'm Allison. And thanks. I got this locket from my-" as she reached for the locket that she was positive was clasped around her neck, she felt nothing.

"Ryder." Hermes introduced. He produced the necklace from his pocket, and went behind her to clasp it.

"How did you do that? I didn't feel a thing!" She looked curious, but not annoyed. That was a better sign than being beaten with a purse.

Not that he had experience with that.

Actually he did, but that was another story...

"I've got _mad skills_." Hermes said smugly. "Aren't I just the most _wonderful_ thing that you've ever met?"

"You are something else." She agreed, looking serious, before laughing.

Hermes decided that he liked the sound of her laugh. It was filled with joy and youth. He stood up and held out his hand for Allison.

"Shall we part from this dreary corridor, Angel Eyes?" He said in a fake English accent.

"You sure like being dramatic, don't you." Allison pointed out.

"You think I'm dramatic? You should meet my brother. He recited a poem about getting out of bed. He said it was a haiku and it went like this:

 _No, nope, never, nah,_  
 _Get the hell out of my face,_  
 _No no no no no_."

Allison burst out laughing and snapped her fingers in praise. "Sounds like a real poet."

His hand was still in the air, and she seemed to ignore it. So, he played it cool and put his hand in his pocket.

"Need help carrying your books?" He asked.

"I've got it." She answered, standing up. She held the object in her other hand, and extended it, tapping the floor a couple of times.

It took a full minute before Hermes finally understood that the object was actually a cane.

Allison was _blind_.

* * *

"So how long have you been blind?"

They both had no class, so they decided to walk around the campus grounds.

"I wasn't born blind. A couple years back, I was in a car accident. There was a freak storm with lightning and my dad lost control of the wheel. Luckily, everyone in the car was fine, and only suffered minor injuries. But, my vision was damaged because of the glass." She explained.

That was rough. It got very serious, very fast.

"At least you get to have a dog." He tried to lighten the mood.

Allison's tinkling laughter was heard. "Yeah. Rosie's a real pal. Everybody treats me like I'm this fragile little glass figurine. That I could break at any time."

"That must suck. Since I'm not the smartest, or the most handsome or most accomplished, I feel like my parents were never proud of me." He admitted.

"I'm sure that's not true. You're a joy to be around. That isn't going to inflate your ego, is it." She teased.

"Too late. Ego is inflated. And it's all your fault!" Hermes joked. It was good to talk to someone who didn't know him for thousands of years. Someone who had a non-biased perspective on life.

"Do you have any other siblings besides the poet?" She asked.

"Yes, I've got a few. Aubrey is the smartest person I know. She can be a control freak at times, but she's always there for everyone." Hermes explained.

"She sounds nice." Allison commented.

"Yeah, she's good people."

Their conversation was interrupted as Hermes got distracted. Looking across the street he saw an ice cream truck.

"What's your favorite ice cream flavor?" He asked.

"Strawberry, why?"

Suddenly, he took off running in the ice cream truck's direction, flailing his arms wildly for it to stop. Apparently, the driver was also blind, because he almost hit Hermes with the truck.

"Can I help you?" The old man asked.

"I would like two cones. Mint chocolate and strawberry." He took out a few dollars and paid the man.

Jogging back to Allison in victory, he took the book from her hands and laid them on a table nearby. He took the strawberry cone and pushed it into her hands.

"This isn't poisoned, is it?" Allison raised and eyebrow.

"If I wanted to poison you, I would be more discreet about it." He said seriously.

Taking deep breaths to calm his racing heartbeat, he sat down. This much exercise was taking a toll on his new body. He was apparently out of shape. At least he was healthy... _physically_.

"Seems like you went all James Bond to get two cones. What would you do for a Klondike Bar?" Allison chuckled.

"Rob an ice-cream truck." He answered truthfully.

* * *

Hades wasn't having the greatest day.

You may ask, _"Oh, Hades! What's wrong? Is the big bad Univeristy scawwy?"_

Well, currently he was locked in storage closet with his two brothers. So, yes, this moment didn't really go on the list of _'Best Memories.'_

How did Hades get to this point in his life, you may be wondering?

 **1 Hour earlier...**

 _"Poseidon, for the love of llamas, get out of the bathroom stall!" Zeus groaned. He was massaging his temples._

 _"For once, I agree with Thunder Boy." Hades wrinkled his nose. "I can't believe we're on the same wavelength..."_

 _They heard a click and saw Poseidon walking out, looking like a mess._

 _"What happened to you?" Zeus asked, covering his mouth to keep from laughing._

 _"Life." Poseidon said tiredly. "I fell into a ditch and now I look like-"_

 _"A lizard that got stuck in the drain and died from asphyxiation?" Hades guessed._

 _Both his brothers looked at him strangely._

 _"I was going to say 'like I need a shower'." Poseidon said slowly._

 _"We need to find the office. Or at least some new clothes. It wouldn't be fair for you to die of hypothermia and escape the misery of living like a normal human." Zeus shuddered at the word 'human.'_

 _"You're an angel, Zeus." Poseidon said dryly, and washed his face with soap._

 _Hades snorted. "Yeah, and I'm Frosty the Snowman."_

 _"You're lucky that I don't have pointy objects near me." Zeus warned._

 _"What are you going to do, sweetie? Zap me with your lightning bolt? Oh wait! You can't. What a shame!" Hades said theatrically._

 _"Oh, so you want to be Shakespeare now?" Zeus asked, miffed._

 _"You mean the old dead guy from half a millennium ago, who wrote about a stupid man marrying his mother?" Poseidon questioned, looking between the two._

 _"Let's just get out of here. I feel like punching something in the face with a hard object." Zeus sighed._

 _"That is hardcore." Hades gasped in mock surprise. "No, really! We should expect a message on our answering machine. 'Son, I'm here to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative.'"_

 _"Thor is already in the Avengers, though. You snooze you lose, Zee." Poseidon shook his head solemnly._

 _"You are both comedic geniuses." Zeus rolled his eyes. "And as much as I would love to listen to more of your endearing jokes, we need to make sure Poseidon doesn't resemble a drowned ferret."_

 _Poseidon paused for a second. "Did you just call me a ferret? I'll have you know that I am a very sexy man! I am manly-icious."_

 _"I'm sure you are." Hades said sarcastically._

 _"I found a closet. Let's see if they have any useful items here." Zeus called out, about 10 feet in from of them._

 _"Are you sure there's something useful in the closet?" Poseidon asked. "Let's talk about this first."_

 _"Yes, Zeus." Hades agreed seriously. "Come out of the closet."_

 _Zeus ignored them both._

 _Looking through the small, dark strange closet was irritating. They found a few clothes, a worker's uniform._

 _"Ssh! Guys, I hear voices!" Zeus whispered._

 _Poseidon shut the door, and they waited for the voices to go away._

 _Luckily, they did._

 _Unluckily, the door didn't open._

 _"It's..it's locked!" Poseidon realized._

 _"You closed a locked door? You are...ugh! What is wrong with you?" Zeus glared at his brother._

 _"Excuse me for not wanting to get caught! You're the one who said you heard voices." Poseidon defended. "So don't blame this on me!"_

And that is how they ended up locked in a storage closet for 45 minutes.

"How did you even fall into a ditch? I didn't even know they has ditches anymore. This is LA. They like to maintain their image." Zeus asked.

"I was chasing a squirrel." Poseidon said nonchalantly.

Hades and Zeus both stared at him.

"Don't look at me like that! I was outside, and dropped the bracelet Aphrodite gave me. Then, I saw the squirrel take it. I didn't want to face Aphrodite's wrath, so I had to get it back. When I finally caught up to the squirrel, I fell into a ditch where there were construction signs." Poseidon explained.

"Of all the stupid things..." Hades trailed off, shaking his head.

The three of them looked at the door as the lock jiggled and the door opened. Hestia stood with a hair pin in her hands.

"You guys are very loud, you know that?" She told them. "What are you doing getting locked in a storage closet?"

Hades and Zeus both looked innocent, and pointed at Poseidon who looked at them with an expression of betrayal.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Artemis was fed up with the man-infested building. She was not a dog, so why did men find it necessary to whistle at her? Did they think that she'd find it appealing?

It was annoying her, really. The amount of threats she made was a record on her part. She honestly thought that by tomorrow every man in a 5 mile radius, besides her idiotic siblings and the rest of her family, would steer clear of her.

She already broke two noses and dislocated someone's shoulder. Also, she forgot how many men she kicked in there nether regions. It brought her great joy to see the pain and fear etched on each man's face.

Now, she was by no means a psychotic freak who enjoyed seeing others in pain. But, if she heard one more pick up line or, gods forbid, a sexual promise, she would make sure to cause the person bodily harm.

She saw two figures in the abandoned part of the staircase.

"Come on, Olivia! I've been a good boyfriend for a month. You didn't think that I wouldn't come knocking?"

"What's going on here?" Artemis intervened before anything could get out of control. The girl looked much smaller in comparison to the man.

"Whatever, we're through." The man said, stomping away.

Why was everyone so dramatic? This could be mistaken for a damn soap opera.

Artemis heard sniffling and looked at the girl. "Are you okay?" She asked.

The girl looked at her an nodded. "I'm fine. I guess I'll just have to wait for my Prince Charming."

"You should try and find him. Maybe he's stuck in a tree, or lost in Walgreens." She said with humor.

Luckily, the girl laughed, and wiped at her tears. "I think I'm done with guys for a while. First day and I get dumped. Brownie points for me."

"Crying over a guy? Nuh-uh. Your tiara is going to fall if you keep looking down, princess." Artemis said reassuringly.

"You should be a therapist." The girl commented. "I'm Olivia, by the way."

"Selene." Artemis introduced.

"Like the goddess." Olivia realized.

That was too close to the truth, and Artemis struggled to keep her laughter at bay.

"You know your history." Artemis nodded. "You shouldn't waste your time with guys like that."

"I guess I've always been attracted to the 'bad boys'. Even in kindergarten, I had a crush on the trouble-maker Brian. He let me borrow his purple crayon, and I was smitten. We played in the sandbox during recess, and I planned our wedding. Then, I tried grabbing his hand and he pushed me into the rocks, saying that I had cooties. We ended it mutually." Olivia explained.

"Looks like you had a bad romance." Artemis teased, until she realized her song reference. Damn her brother...

"I have my next class in about 5 minutes. I should get going." Olivia said regretfully. "What class do you have?"

"Chem Lab." Artemis read on her schedule. Why the hell did she have chemistry?

"What a wonderful coincidence. So do I!" Olivia exclaimed, and linked her arm through Artemis's.

"You'll have to help me on some things. I'm not exactly the best at labs." Artemis groaned.

"Worry not, it's not called cheating. It's called teamwork." Olivia reassured.

"I'm so glad that it's group work! I don't understand half these questions." Artemis looked at the paper filled with words she didn't understand. Science never interested her much...

"Nobody does any of these questions anyways. They're just practice for the exams." Olivia waved her hand.

"How are you holding up with your boy trouble?" Artemis asked, a little curious about the girl's calm demeanor.

"It's fine. I always knew he was a douchecanoe. It was today that made me realize I didn't need him. It's his life's goal to do the 'freshman 15'." Olivia rolled her eyes.

"I heard of that before. Isn't that when you gain 15 pounds?" Artemis asked.

"Yeah, but another version is for a guy to sleep with 15 freshman girls. It's a disgusting tradition." Olivia wrinkled her nose.

"I hope my brother doesn't follow this tradition, he's a bit of an idiot. Actually a big idiot. A very very big idiot." Artemis

"Men are men. Nothing surprises me anymore." Olivia commented.

They high-fived.

"I like you because you join in on my weirdness." Olivia decided.

"This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." Artemis nodded.

* * *

"And I have to write a 5000 word paper. I don't even _know_ 5000 words!" Apollo cried.

"I have to explain why chemistry is essential in life, using real life examples." Artemis complained.

"Well, I'm excited for me homework!" Aphrodite squealed.

" _'Excited'_ and _'homework'_ shouldn't even be allowed to be used in the same sentence." Hermes shuddered.

"I have to write about why Bonnie and Clyde were the definition of 'love against all odds'" She sighed in happiness. "I have so many ideas!"

"All you kiddies don't have to read books while I'm forced to read a book about a sorry excuse for a man's journey to kill a whale. _'Call me Ishmael.'_ Even the first line makes me want to punch this dick in the face." Dionysus groaned.

"You can't punch a dick in the face." Hestia corrected. "But, you can punch it in the head."

Everyone stared at Hestia, open mouthed.

Hermes pointed at her. "You...you just made a _sexual_ joke!" He cried in horror.

"Who are you and what have you done with my innocent sister?" Demeter questioned in surprise.

"School has corrupted me." Hestia waved her hand.

"Doesn't it corrupt everybody?" Hades raised an eyebrow.

There was a chorus of agreement.

"Speaking of corrupt. I heard you beat up a guy in your theater class." Ares asked, looking excited at the prospect of violence.

Everyone stared at Apollo.

"He had it coming. He was talking about women as if they were objects." He defended.

"Apollo. _You_ talk about women as if they're objects." Poseidon pointed out.

"Yeah, but he was talking about Arty. And I can't let that pass." Apollo practically growled.

Artemis surprised everyone by smiling.

"Did you hit him hard?" She asked.

Everyone looked at her.

"What? I know what guy he's talking about. Creepy guy. He asked me out. My exact words were 'not even at gunpoint' and apparently that translated to 'I want to have sex with you'. I think he had hearing problems." Artemis shook her head in disbelief.

"I met a very annoying man as well. His name was Oliver. Thought he was the ruler of the university or something." Athena shook her head.

"I was insulted by someone today. Brown hair, blue eyes, glasses. I need to find out who he is..." Apollo started.

"So we can prank him." Hermes finished.

"Wait! I think you met Oliver, too." Athena realized. "I never thought I would say this, but I'm going to be included in the pranking."

Artemis spoke up. "Well, I'm the only one who can insult my brother, so count me in."

Ares raised his hand. "I'm in, no question."

Aphrodite nodded and smiled brightly.

Poseidon agreed and so did Zeus.

"I need some excitement in my life." Hephaestus nodded.

"Hollah! Here, here!" Dionysus shouted.

"I enjoy seeing others in pain, so of course." Hades agreed.

Hera sighed and joined, and so did Demeter. There was only Hestia left.

"As long as nobody gets hurt... _much_." She smiled.

And so, instead of doing assignments, the 14 deities plotted against a certain brown haired teachers pet. The Olympians may fight like cats and dogs, but in the end, they looked out for each other. And this Oliver fellow messed with two family members.

He'll get what's coming to him...

* * *

 **END SCENE!  
**

 **Did you guys lurve it? Didja? Didja?**

 **The fruit of the week is a melon.**

 **I tried to do many povs in this chapter. By the way, I hope the guys' perspectives were accurate, since I'm a girl. I know, right! Such a surprise! I want to thank you all again for reading. KUDOS TO Y'ALL!**

 **I lost most of my documents, since my laptop is a FUCKING PIECE OF CRAP THAT I HATE and decided to NOT SAVE all my work! I cried for an hour straight and hit whoever tried to hug me...**

 **Anywho! I'll update soon. So, who's your favie character so far? Who do want to see more of?**

 **Stay tuuuuned:D**

 **-Uni the Unicorn Potato mutant**


	8. Mission: Improbable

**A/N: Oh ma gawd guys! I know, I know...Its been toooo long. I blame school. I just started a new school and had to deal with so much drama and stuff. I'll try to update as best as I can. Would you guys prefer longer chapters but not frequent; or shorter chapters but more frequent?**

 **Anyways, thank you soooo much to everyone who read. And the reviews are outstanding! It makes me so happy to know that people enjoy my story.:)**

 **Thanks for the reviewers!:**

 **Guest, Jaspercabeth83, Lanonasa Enllyn Avery, Supersized McShizzle, shadowluminus, breakout214, chocolatebackgroung, Icee, JaDe In NighT, and NerfGodPoseidon**

 **This chappie isn't very long, but the next will be a bit longer:)**

* * *

"MoonHead."

Artemis rolled her eyes. "In position."

"ThunderStrike."

Zeus nodded. "In position."

"WingFoot."

Hermes looked to his sides suspiciously before pulling down his ski mask. "WingFoot in position."

"HeartBreaker and Skull."

Aphrodite peered over her sunglasses and looked at Ares who removed the newspaper from in front of his face. "In position." They said in unison.

"The Brain."

"I've got eyes on the target. He's at your 6 o'clock." Athena answered lowly.

Apollo removed his binoculars and looked at his watch. "RetinaBurn in position. We move in T minus 3 minutes."

"StormBringer in position. Walking towards target's transport. Briefcase in hand." Poseidon whispered. He started walking slowly to the car, a briefcase grasped in his fist.

"We went over this many times. The PowerPoint and flash cards weren't for nothing. Do not screw this up!" Athena warned.

Poseidon rolled his eyes. "Yes I remember the constant yelling and numerous books being chucked at my head."

"People, people!" Hermes warned. "Stay focused on the task."

"We have no room for disasters." Zeus agreed. "If we get caught...well, let's just look at the glass that's half full."

Hades shook his head. "It's not half full, it's half _empty_."

"Meaning it's half _full_!" Zeus argued.

"Technically, you're both wrong. The glass is half water and half air." Athena corrected.

She was ignored.

"It doesn't matter if the glass if half full of half empty. There's _clearly_ room for more wine." Dionysus countered. "Actually, screw the water, just fill wine all the way."

"You're missing the point." Zeus disagreed. "This is about optimism and pessimism."

"I know that. I keep a positive attitude with my glass half full." Ares answered. "Of hard liquor. Preferably vodka."

"That's not the point!" Zeus rubbed his temples.

"So, would a _man_ get a full glass?" Artemis demanded.

"Who wants glasses anymore? I want a mug." Apollo put in.

" _Ooo_! Are the glasses crystalline? Do they glimmer in the light?" Aphrodite asked.

Zeus tried counting backwards from ten.

"Just add some ice cubes and two shots of whiskey." Poseidon smiled.

"Jack Daniels? Hell yes!" Apollo whooped.

"Democrats would say the glass is half full. Republicans would say it's half empty." Hephaestus said.

"Nope." Hestia disagreed. "Republicans would think the glass is theirs."

" _Holy fillet of fuck mignon!_ EVERYONE! Shut the hole! We're not here to talk about fucking _glasses and shit!_ We're here on a mission, so _CONCENTRATE_!" Zeus yelled.

And there was silence.

"Not with _that_ attitude." Dionysus mumbled.

"Let's go back to the mission. Comprende everyone?" Hermes said weakly. Turning back to their mission, they all realized everyone was staring at them.

"Looks like we lost the element of surprise." Hades sighed.

* * *

"Okay. This is a second attempt. We must not fail!" Athena said encouragingly.

For the second time that day, everyone was spread out throughout the parking lot. With the exception of Hermes, who was in a tree. Aphrodite had an armful of useless papers and pencils. She was the distraction.

"HeartBreaker. You're on in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and _GO_!" Apollo directed.

Aphrodite walked, faking a clueless dumb expression on her face. Then, she dropped all get items on the floor. "Oh no!" She gasped. "I'm going to be late! I wish I had someone to help me..."

By now, she caught the attention of many people. A lot of guys came to help. Probably because they were good samaritans...

Or probably because Aphrodite was wearing a mini skirt, stilettos, and her V-neck shirt was leaving little to the imagination.

Since most of the attention was now in the big commotion, they had an advantage.

"StormBringer. Green is a go!" Hermes whispered loudly.

Poseidon nodded twice and walked nonchalantly with a briefcase in his hand. It was a fairly big briefcase. When he got to Oliver's car, he paused and raised his hand for conformation.

"Mission is a go, people. Mission is a go." Apollo declared.

Hera and Zeus walked on opposite sides of the parking lot. Then, they met at the intersection and walked subtlety to the car.

"Let's do this." Poseidon smirked. He opened the briefcase and revealed a few cans of adhesive. He passed one to Zeus and one to Hera. Each of them put a big glob of adhesive randomly all over the car. Meanwhile, Hades and Dionysus mingled with the tires. Hephaestus picked the lock and entered the car. Then, he started playing with the radios to make it repeatedly play loud terrible songs.

Poseidon stood up and whistled three times while making wild motions with his hands. Artemis and Apollo came with two brown bags in their arms.

To outsiders, it looked like groceries, but these brown bags held something more precious.

It held...

Apollo looked around before dumping the contents and Artemis followed suit.

... _toilet paper rolls_.

Everyone looked to Hermes, who was acting as the watchtower.

He looked at Ares who was walking around acting as the guard. Ares nodded and gave a subtle thumbs up. Athena was observing the time, and gave two five fingers. That meant they had 10 minutes.

Back at the car, they stuck all the toilet paper to the car, making it look vandalized. Hephaestus fiddled with the brakes so that every time Oliver stepped on the brakes, the horn would honk.

After about 10 minutes, Ares clapped twice, making Hermes signal Zeus.

"We have 5 minutes to pack up and leave." Zeus told them.

They all nodded.

"Remember. We meet at the fountain. Go in two's. And don't make it too obvious that we know each other." Artemis reminded everyone.

"Don't worry sis. We got this." Apollo reassured. 

* * *

"So since Mission TP worked out, we should try planning another." Athena smiled, taking a sip of her RedBull. Usually, she hated all the chemicals in energy drinks, but she definitely needed energy with all the homework she had.

"We need to make it good." Hermes nodded. " _Very_ good. _Very very_ good. _Very very very_ -"

"Okay, we get it!" Demeter interrupted. Her hair was up in a messy bun, wearing pajamas, and she was scribbling words onto a piece of paper. "I have stress already with all of this work. Why do teachers want to torment us? What did we ever do to deserve this treatment."

Poseidon thought for a second. "We wanted an education?"

Apollo shook his head vigorously. "If I remember correctly, I was totally against the idea of going to school. I made valid points and expressed my opinion in a _very_ respectful way." He said. "And look at us now. Working on useless information that dampens are well-being and happiness."

"How articulate of you." Athena rolled her eyes.

"In a very respectful way?" Hestia asked. "You basically told us that education was bad for the brain and for imagination."

"I did say that. It's true." Apollo nodded.

"And you said that if you ever found the person responsible for such an abominable thing, you would castrate them with a rusty spoon." Hestia reminded him.

"Wait, wait, wait. Castrate?" Artemis demanded. "That implies that the intelligent person that created education, was a man."

"So?"

"So how do you know it's a man? It could've been a woman! You just assume that intelligence derived from a man!" Artemis raged on.

"Why are we having this conversation again?" Poseidon rubbed his temples.

"The wrath of a feminist is never a good one." Dionysus reminded him.

"I hear that." Apollo murmured.

Hermes came out of the kitchen with a bag of chips in one hand, and a pizza box with a pizza and fish sticks and hash browns in the other hand.  
He dropped them on the table to go back to the kitchen and get a bottle of Pepsi. Then he realized everyone was staring at him.

"What? All this planning and being awesome takes a toll on my appetite. I need food for fuel." Hermes defended, with a mouthful of pizza.

Apollo nodded. "'Tis the breakfast of champions, my friend."

"No. No it is not. First of all, those are terrible things to eat." Athena reprimanded.

"Well, it has grains. And tomato sauce counts for being a vegetable. And cheese counts for dairy." Dionysus listed off. "Therefore, it is nutritious."

"Very nutritious." Hermes smiled.

Demeter shrieked. " _Nutritious?_ This would be the opposite of nutritious! Tomatoes aren't even vegetables. It's considered a fruit."

"Second of all." Athena continued. "That's a terrible meal."

Hermes scoffed. "Tomatoes are put in salads. Therefore, they are vegetables."

"There are fruit salads." Demeter put in.

Hermes paused. "True."

"And third of all." Athena ignored the others. "It's not breakfast time. It's after lunch."

Hermes waved his hand dismissively. "It's morning in Japan. So hah!"

Dionysus tried to grab a slice of pizza, but Hermes slapped his hand away and hissed. "My pizza. _Mine_. My preeeecious."

Dionysus just looked at him, and ripped the box from his grasp, giving a slice to everyone. "Smeagol is dead. So will you if you deny me the cheesy orgasm that is pizza."

Artemis looked like she lost her appetite, but then shrugged and took a bite.

"Woah, Aph." Dionysus looked shocked. "You're eating pizza?"

"I always eat pizza. Pizza is a beautiful thing, it really is." Aphrodite smiled dreamily. "Besides, I'm doing Pilates later. And Zumba!"

"Oh yeah." Hera said glumly. "I forgot that we can gain weight."

"And break out." She added.

"In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have eaten the bucket of vanilla ice cream." Hades said thoughtfully. "And dipped fries in it."

"You ate _ice cream_ with _fries_?" Ares asked. "What did it taste like?"

Hades just stared at him. "...like ice cream. And like fries. The fuck kind of question is that?"

Poseidon grabbed another pizza slice. But before he could take a bite, Hermes put his hand up.

"Woah woah woah. Hold up. You just grabbed the cheesiest slice." He complained.

"I grabbed a random slice." Poseidon retorted.

"You grabbed the placeholder for all the cheese from the other slices to fall onto. It's _science_." Dionysus explained.

"It's Pizza 101, dude." Hermes agreed.

"Okay." Poseidon said slowly. "I'm going to eat this now. Or is someone going to throw a punch?"

"Go head and eat it, you cretin." Zeus said impatiently.

"Hey peeps! Just enjoy. We still have planning, if you forgot!" Apollo interrupted.

"Did you just compare Zeus to a small bright-colored marshmallow chick eaten during Easter?" Hades snickered.

"The only bird Zeus can be compared to is Donald Duck." Poseidon agreed.

"Thanks for ruining Donald Duck for me, you guys." Dionysus said glumly.

"I'm standing right here." Zeus pointed to himself. 

* * *

"Round two, here we go." Hermes said from his standpoint.

"Everyone in position?" Athena murmured. There was a chorus of agreement.

"Okay, Hephy. Do what you do best." Apollo gave a thumbs up. Hephaestus saluted and took out a pin to unlock the dorm room. Before walking towards the door, he looked to Ares for clarification, who nodded.

"Step one in action." Hephaestus reported.

"Okay, ThunderDunder." Apollo started.

"It's Thunder _Strike_." Zeus corrected.

"Right." Apollo nodded. "And HeartWoman."

"Heart _breaker._ " Aphrodite corrected.

"Righto." Apollo nodded again. "MoonBeam."

"Okay, how about we stop it with the ridiculous nicknames. How about that, hm?" Athena offered.

"They're not nicknames, they're _code names_. Get with it." Apollo corrected.

"Yeah, _I'm_ the weirdo." Athena mumbled sarcastically.

"I agree with Athena. The names are confusing me." Artemis agreed.

"Well, that's because you're obviously not smart enough to multi-think and keep up with everything." Hermes smiled.

"Well I can think of one thing I'll do to you that doesn't require me to multi-think." Artemis growled.

"For _shame_ , Artemis!" Hermes gasped, looking affronted. "Talking about such promiscuous things in from of the fam-fam. You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"You can't shut up for 5 seconds can you?" Hades said tiredly.

"My mouth enjoys exercise." Hermes shrugged.

"I'm sure it does." Aphrodite said innocently. Dionysus high-fived her.

"People, people. Look alive. We're getting into phase two." Apollo warned.

"What's phase two, again?" Aphrodite asked. She pulled her hair into a bun, because Hermes was worried a strand would fall, and it would leave evidence.

"Well, after gaining access to the premises, we shall call in order the right of utilizing items that aren't at this moment being utilized." Apollo explained.

"That's just a fancy way of saying that after breaking and entering, we'll ' _borrow_ ' his very important stuff." Dionysus clarified.

"And by ' _borrow_ ', you mean ' _steal_ '." Artemis commented.

"Exactemente." Dionysus nodded.

"We're going in." Hades muttered.

It took 20 minutes, but they managed to rearrange the dorm room, and take important files. Hephaestus decided to copy the data of Oliver's computer, just for leverage.

Just as they were about to leave, Ares cleared his throat loudly.

 _Uh, oh_. That wasn't a good sign.

"He's here! Damn it!" Hades swore, as he tried to look discreet.

"The red coats are coming, the red coats are coming!" Hermes said loudly.

"Okay, he's not _british_!" Athena huffed snappily.

"Well he's wearing a red coat. So your argument is invalid!"

"Code _red_. I repeat code _red_! _Abort mission!_ " Apollo panicked.

"Every man for himself!" Dionysus opened the window and climbed down the fire escape.

"Run, run, run!" Artemis whispered loudly.

"Honey, did you not see my heels? I can't run in these!" Aphrodite complained.

"Why in the hell did you wear heels to prank someone?" Athena inquired.

"Your tone sounds very condescending. Heels give me confidence." Aphrodite took off her heels and started running barefoot.

"No, wait guys! I'm not a runner. I'm more of a _walker_. And sleeper. And non-mover in general." Poseidon complained.

Everyone froze as they heard Oliver's voice closer. They all took off running. After running for a few minutes, they finally exited the building. They continued to run until they made it to their apartment.

Everyone was panting heavily and sweating. They all looked like messes. All except Hermes, who looked fine after running like a crazy person.

"That was exciting!" He exclaimed. "Who's up for some Hot Pockets?"

He got flat stares in response.

* * *

The next few days were a series of small pranks on Oliver. Hair dye in the shampoo, laxatives in drinks, and a lot of prank calls.

"Chuck, darling, don't swear at me. It's very unbecoming." Aphrodite said in her best posh accent.

"I don't know why you keep saying you don't know me! We had a _beautiful_ night together, and now you're going to throw that all away?" She said emotionally.

She cut Oliver off by hanging up.

"He needs to educate himself on the art of politesse." She sniffed. "One does not simply yell at a lady."

"We should teach him manners." Hera agreed.

"But these tricks are so...junior high. We're collegers for Oreo's sake!" Hermes argued. "We need to think of something cool and over the top."

"Something terribly inappropriate?" Aphrodite asked.

"Check."

"Something that'll be unforgettable?" She asked again.

"Check."

"I've got an idea." Aphrodite smirked.

"That. Is. _Crazy_." Artemis choked out.

"It's not crazy. It's genius. It's hilarious. It's the work of comedians." Apollo defended. "What do you call a man streaking through the middle of Times Square?"

"Um...a felon?" Athena guessed.

"Either way, it's a great plan. I think it's going to be funny." Dionysus said.

"Not you too!" Artemis cried.

"This Oliver fellow has what's coming to him." Poseidon shrugged. "He messed with us. This is a declaration of war. THIS IS SPARTA!"

"Woah there, cowboy. We're not killing anyone." Hermes said. "Not yet, anyway."

"Sooo, who's going to call?" Zeus asked.

Before anyone could answer, Apollo's hand shot up in the air as he stood up suddenly.

"I _volunteer_!" He shouted. "I volunteer as tribute." Dionysus threw him the phone after dialing a number.

"Ssh, ssh, everyone be quiet." He hushed them.

"Hello. I'd like to place an order on one of you're finest." Apollo said in a high-pitched voice. "Yeah, it's for a friend. I'm surprising him...Don't tell him it was me, though. I want it to be a surprise!"

"So my little present will arrive when?...Tonight? Oh, that's great!...The special package? What's that?...That sounds _perfect_!...Pleasure doing business with you...Bye!" He hung up the phone and burst in laughter.

"In about 5 hours, Mr. Oliver will be receiving his 'special package'." He smirked.

Woops and cheers were all passed through everyone, until Hermes frowned.

"Wait. Five hours?" He asked. "What the hell are we gonna do for _five hours?!_ "

Realization seemed to kick in and everyone groaned.

* * *

Oliver was doing his daily night routine. He finished his homework, studied all he could retain, and got the numbers of three girls. And he didn't even have to ask.

Damn, he was _smooth_.

Just as Oliver was about to open his laptop, a knock sounded at his door. His roommate was off for the night, so it couldn't be him.

Who could it be?

Another knock sounded, and he grumbled. Trust one of these idiots to disturb his alone time.  
Still, he got up and opened the door.

When he opened the door, he blinked. It was a...

 _Girl?_

No, a guy. Definitely a guy.

The man was wearing a short flowy pink outfit that was covered, no, enrobed in glitter. He was also wearing high heels.

He was a...

 _stripper?!_

"What- Who are you? What are you doing here?" He exclaimed.

The man smirked and crossed his arms. "I'm Cherry. I got a request to be a surprise. _You're_ the lucky boy. I'm the 'special package.' I'll show you just how _special_ I am..."

"No no no! I was waiting for the _pizza delivery guy_!" He cried out again.

"Oh, so you want me to be a pizza delivery guy? Not my _weirdest_ request, but still strange." The guy said nonchalantly. He smiled mischievously. "Let's have some fun."

The door closed behind him and they were locked in the room together.

Little did Oliver know, a group outside his room were laughing uncontrollably.

* * *

 **A/N: So tada ladies and gentlemen! I hope you like the pranks. I _try_ (emphasis on try) to prank people. But I'm not discreet at all. So I usually just wreck havoc upon innocent civillians and call it a day. SOOO how was that? Sorry if it seems a bit rushed. I just really wanted to get it up. I passed out from exhastion yesterday, so I promised myself I'd do it today. I'm no good at commitment... **

**So thanks for reading! If you have any questions or comments, please review:) I'll try to update soon.**

 **BTW, any whovians out there? I'm on Season 8, and it has become an addiction!**


	9. No, Apollo Candycorn isn't a vegetable!

**Disclaimer: I is broke. I do not own any of these books. I only own my oc's.**

 **AN: GUYYYS! Finally. I know its been a while, and please do not hate meh... All my story documents deleted on FF. I don't know how. I had to have my uncle help me 2 weeks later. I swear, I cried for an hour straight after my shock mode. It turns out I had (and apparently still have) a virus that didnt allow me to save my work. I apologize becuz I am sooooo soooo sooo sorry. I can't believe I have so many views and reviews. I had a bit of a hard time this past month, and all these views are making me happy. Thank you so much!**

 **This is kind of a filler chapter until I get back all my files and documents. I'll update the rest of it tomorrow night:D**

* * *

"It's that time of year again! The leaves are falling and the air is crisp. But the most important thing? It's the day of _candy_!" Apollo says dramatically.

"Halloween isn't a day of candy. It originally was All Hallow's Eve. And it wasn't a day for candy. It was manufactured over time." Athena tsked. "It actually started as the ancient, pre-Christian Celtic festival of Samhain. And that was on the night of October 31st. The Celtic people who lived in modern day United Kingdom, France, etc. 2,000 years ago thought and believed that the dead returned to Earth on Samhain."

"Kind of like Dia de Los Muertos in Mexico." Hermes stated.

Athena's eyes widened as she looked up from her writing assignment. "Insightful." She said, looking slightly impressed.

"Yeah. I go to Mexico ever November for the awesome parades and _parties_." He sighed, looking wistful.

" _Party_?" Dionysus sleepily murmured, sitting up and batting a loose paper from his face. "Did someone say _party_?"

"We were talking about the Day of the Dead celebration." Hestia said, looking distracted while typing away on the computer.

"Ah, the Day of the Dead. They really know how to throw a party. Alcohol was coming and kept coming. _SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS_!" Dionysus jumped up.

"We totally have to do something for Halloween!" Aphrodite looked up from her nails. She was currently painting them a light shade of pink. How she found the time to paint her nails when they were buried in homework and exams, was anyone's guess.

Apollo clapped his hands suddenly. "We need to go to a party!"

"I second that!" Dionysus said lazily.

"No. No. _No_." Athena shook her head. She looked around to get some backup from Hera or Artemis, but she was the only girl in the room besides Aphrodite. And the chances of Aphrodite backing her up...yeah, it was around the zero range.

"Why can't we do something responsible?" She tried to reason. "How about carving pumpkins?"

"The last time I tried to carve a pumpkin, I cut my hand in seven different places." Hermes shook his head.

"You are _so_ uncoordinated." Athena shook her head.

"Am not." Hermes pouted. "My job requires me to be very coordinated."

"You're a messenger. You deliver packages. You're basically a glorified donkey." Hades commented offhandedly as he entered the room.

"Oh! _Sizzling_!" Apollo raised his hand for a high-five, but Hades walked passed it with a bored expression on his face.

"But seriously though. We have to do something. This Halloween is special. It's the only Halloween that we don't have responsibilities!" Aphrodite reasoned.

"We still have responsibilities. We have homework. And jobs! And I'm pretty sure we have to pay the bills next week." Athena listed off.

"Bills shmills." Apollo waved off. "We still need to have fun."

"I'm down." Hermes agreed. "Now we just need to find a party."

"It's Halloween. There are parties everywhere." Ares pointed out.

"True. We need to all go. We can even crash some." Dionysus sighed. "Alcohol..."

"We need to call the rest of the Scooby-Doo gang." Hades rolled his eyes.

"EVERYONE! GET OUT HERE!" Aphrodite screeched on the top of her lungs suddenly. Everyone grabbed their ears.

"Aphrodite! What the _hell_?!" Dionysus, who was right by her, yelled. It apparently worked since the rest of their group came out of hibernation.

"What is it?" Hera grumbled, rubbing her shoulder that she hurt after the unexpected yelling.

"We are going to a party for Halloween!" Hermes shouted dramatically. Hera just stared at him blankly and turn around to go back to her room.

"Wait! We all have to go. It's required." Apollo crossed his arms.

"By who?" Demeter asked.

"Yours truly." He replied, pointing to himself.

"That totally makes a huge difference." She rolled her eyes.

"Well _I,_ for one, am not going." Artemis shook her head.

"Aw, you're so cute. You think you have a choice." Aphrodite cooed.

"Guys? Aren't we forgetting something important. You know, for the Halloween party?" Hestia raised an eyebrow.

"Condoms?" Hermes guessed. He was promptly hit over the head with a book.

"No, silly! _Costumes_!" Aphrodite squealed.

"Nope. No siry. I agreed to go to a gathering with all of you, filled with drunken idiots. But I won't degrade myself to wear some silly clothing..." Hade ranted.

"Lighten up, brother." Poseidon smiled. "Besides, we need something creative. And unique."

"We should totes match!" Aphrodite smiled.

"This better be good." Zeus sighed.

"Oh don't worry." Apollo smiled evilly. "I have the perfect idea."

* * *

"I look like a banana that no one wants to eat, so they just throw away that banana."

"You cannot be serious."

"Of all the stupid things I've worn in the past, this has got to be the stupidest.

"Why did I agree to do this again?"

"Why do I associate myself with you?"

All 14 of them were standing in front of the mirrors, some looking proud and sexy (take a wild guess...) and most looking embarrassed, annoyed, and/or 500% done with everything.

What were they wearing, you may ask? Well, they were all wearing...

* * *

 **AAAAAND SCENE! Bit of a cliffhanger, no? Well I'll give you a few seconds to guess what their costumes are! If you leave a review, tell me what you thought the costumes were...**

 **AND GOOO...**

* * *

"Guys I'm putting the song on!" Apollo smiled happily.

"Don't. You. Dare." Athena growled out, looking embarrassed enough in her costume. But Apollo didn't listen to her, and he promptly turned on the music and sang along.

 _"No one can ever take them down. The power lies on their siiiide!"_

 _"GO GO POWER RANGERS!_ " He sang loudly, his gold power ranger suit glittering under the lights.

" _Dee dee dee dee dee_." Hermes mimicked the electric guitar, his own yellow suit was muffling his singing.

"I actually like my costume. It's like I'm wearing yoga pants. My booty's lookin' _fine_ and my hips don't lie." Aphrodite smiled, looking content in her pink suit.

"I still think we should've been Ninja Turtles." Poseidon shrugged, looking at his green suit in the mirror. "But this will do."

Ares didn't mind wearing his red power rangers suit. He thought it accentuated his muscles nicely. "Do I get to have a gun?" He asked.

"A morphing gun? Hell yes!" Dionysus gave a thumbs-up. His purple suit made his eyes stand out.

"Nuh, uh. No violence." Hestia shook her head.

"They won't be _real_ guns. You have to use your _imaaaagination_." Dionysus said slowly, as if talking to a four year old.

"Everyone! The party starts in 30 minutes. We need to goooo." Apollo whined.

"We're going to rock this party like it's nobody's business." Hermes agreed.

* * *

 **AN: I told ya is was short. This was basically just a filler chap until I find and sort my notes. THANKS AGAIN FOR READING I LOOOVE YOU! So whats gonna happen? The Gods and Goddesses as Power Rangers going to a party! Since their human, the alcohol will affect them...in what way? WELL that coming up!**

 **BTW, do I have any fellow ARMY's? Rise of Bangtan helped me type this out:D**


	10. AUTHOR'S NOTE WHO IS REALLY VERY SORRY!

*Walks slowly to center stage and clears throat*

Ahem... Soooo. *ducks from tomatoes, onions, and other various fruits and vegetables*

I'm really sorry for not updating for a while! When I had the idea for this story. I was sooo inspired! I was in a good place in my head because I was supposed to start a new school year at a new high school. But alas things don't work out the way we hope. 2015/2016 was a really hard year for me. I was dealing with a lot and people at school made me feel like an idiot. It didn't help that I was so far away from my friends and I was dealing with depression and anxiety. All this led to me being reluctant to doing anything productive. I stopped reading my favorite books and swimming. I felt writers block hit me like a...block *laughs hystericall* Ahem... Writers block is when the imaginary people in your head stop talking to you.

Every email notification from reviews and follow felt like a stab in the heart because I couldn't physically get myself to pay attention to upload. I apologize for not uploading, and I promise this story is NOT abandoned. This story is my baby and as crazy and weird it may seem...it's mine and I'll cherish it. I can't promise that I'll upload once a week. But I'll make sure to take longer to write quality chapters to not only entertain my readers (I love you my squishy love muffins!) but also get me back into doing what I love: WRITING.

This summer I'm moving to a different school, and I'm very excited! This happiness prompted me to write. I'm going to be re-uploading some past chapters to correct (many) errors that I find. I'm more mature now (psssh. NOPE) and so I'm confident in my grammar and writing. Whoop whoop! Thank you for those who read my story. I will continue this story and I estimate it will be kind of long. But worry not! If you have any suggestions or comments, feel free to message me or leave reviews. I read each and every one of them.

AGAIN THANKS A BILLION MILLION KAZILLION MY SWEET PEACHES!

-The new and improved Unitato:))


	11. Kryptonite brownies and Death traps

**A /N : Hey peeps! It's your girl Unitato here!**

 **Voice #1: We know! Get on with the story!**

 **Me: O.o Who der?**

 **Voice #2: Your worst nightmare...*approaches* I am your COMPUTER!**

 **Me: NOOOooooOOoo!**

 **...I need professional help.**

 **Anywho! That's so much for the reviews! I'm sooo happy!:) You guys are lovelier than apricots! You're all peaches! Anyways. This chapter is a bit woozy mostly because I'm crazy.**

 **Voice #75: THAT'S NOT NEWS!**

 ***cough* Soooo, here's another chappie for you guys ! It's a continuation of the last chapter. Again, I do not own any of the places, people, brands, etc that I mention. If I did, I'd be living in the lap of luxury instead of the bony knees of my craptastic apartment with kids as neighbors. Running around and stomping on the ground at 8 am on a Sunday. THAT'S WAY TOO EARLY TO BE UP WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS YOU LIL SHITS?!**

 **Ahem, you could probably tell that I'm not a huge fan of kids. AND OMG GUYS! I'm so happy so many people are reading my story! I'm putting aside a few hours every day to jot down ideas. Also, if you see that this chapter has been re uploaded, worry not! It just means that I noticed errors because I can't English.**

 **Warning: There will be mention of drugs, alcohol, and parties. And Apollo's sexiness.**

 **SO WITHOUT THE ADO FURTHER (I feel like that was wrong somehow…) LETS REEEEEAAADDDD….**

* * *

 **Date: October 31st, 2015**

 **Time: 7:30 pm**

The walk to the party was a long one. Especially long since Apollo and Hermes decided to sing _"The Wheels on the Bus"_ and many other childish songs. Not to mention Hades's constant negative comments, Aphrodite strutting around like she was on the cat-walk, Dionysus pretending to be a ninja, and Poseidon singing under his breath along with the twin-idiots.

A few minutes later, Hera snapped.

"Can we _not_ walk in peace?! If I hear _one_ more peep out of anyone...I will slap you!" Hera huffed. Everyone promptly kept their mouths shut and avoided all eye contact with the annoyed woman.

Finally, they saw the big house with music blaring. There were a few people outside each clad in different costumes. They looked at the group of power rangers strangely.

"That's right. I'm cool. I'm rocking. Revel in my awesomeness." Apollo tried to walk swagly.

"Here's the plan..." Athena started.

"This is a party." Poseidon rubbed his face. "We don't need a plan."

"I agree with Barnacle Beard, here." Dionysus nodded. "The only plan is to have fun."

"Yes. I'm in a tight silver suit and I'm about to go into a house filled with barely-legal adults who think alcohol is the gateway to happiness. _Such fun_." Artemis smiled sarcastically.

"Such inspirational words." Hades nodded at her, seeming to agree.

"Can we just agree on one thing?" Athena said. "No alcohol."

There was a chorus of groans but the loudest cry was Dionysus, who was looking toward to having alcohol in a long while.

"What's the point of going to a college party without drinking?" He practically yelled in frustration.

"Hey hey hey." Athena grabbed Dionysus's jaw in her firm grip. "No. Al. Co. Hol."

Apollo hid behind Hermes and whined. "She's scaring me."

"We need a designated driver...to make sure we all act responsibly." Poseidon smiled to himself, looking proud that he thought of such things.

Athena looked at him like he was stupid. "Okay, couple things. First off, we don't have a car. How can we have a driver? Second...responsible? What are you talking about?"

Pausing for a second, he lowered his eyes. "I don't know. I'm confused."

"Wow. This is a spectacular sight!" A voice behind them shouted. "My 8 year old self would be crying of happiness." They all turned around to see a girl dressed up as a roman soldier. Hermes brightened up immediately.

"Megan! I'm seeing you _everywhere_ woman. Are you sure you're not stalking me?" He raised an eyebrow, tsking. "For shame!"

Said woman opened his mouth to answer. "I'm the one who told you about this party. I invited you remember?"

Hermes waved her off. "Dude, it has been forever since I last saw you!" And promptly pulled Megan into what he dubbed 'The Hermes Hug of Happiness'. Apollo appreciated the use of alliteration.

Megan unsuccessfully tried dodge 'The Hermes Hug of Happiness. "I saw you yesterday." She said slowly.

"24 hours man." Hermes complained. "And why are you a roman soldier? Greek soldiers are so much better!"

Dionysus rolled his eyes and tapped his foot impatiently on the ground, eager to get to the aforementioned party. "Get a room!" He screeched.

"Power Rangers. That actually makes a lot of sense." Megan contemplated, rubbing the back of her neck. "Well, I just arrived too. There are plenty of booze and plenty of broads. So party like its 2015."

There was an awkward silence for a second before Apollo burst out laughing. "Oh! 2015! Because it's actually 2015...I get it!" He laughed harder while everyone looked at him weirdly, not including Hermes, who snickered, and Artemis, who was used to his sporadic bouts of madness and general what-the-fuck-ness.

"We're actually not drinking-" Athena tried to say, but was cut off by Dionysus yelling. "LETS GET WASTED!" He promptly ran into the house, scaring a few stragglers outside with his excitement.

* * *

Half an hour later, Athena found herself bored out of her mind. The 'disco lights' were hot and making her dizzy. The music...well if it could be called _music_...was a thumping melody of someone screeching and what sounded like a car crash.

She looked to her right and saw a group chanting "CHUG CHUG CHUG". Dionysus was upside down drinking from a funnel, before falling down. Everyone quieted as he stopped moving. Then he jumped up dizzily and shouted, "I AM THE CHAMPION!" The group erupted into loud cheers.

She rolled her eyes and looked to her left, only to see Apollo dancing rather...ahem...inappropriately, on a pole. His costume was half off and he was wearing eyeliner covered in glitter.

Hermes was sitting down smiling like a fool. She did NOT want to know what he consumed. The rest of their little gang was nowhere to be found.

"Am I the only level-headed one here?" She mumbled to herself.

"Nope." A voice behind her said. She turned around to see Hestia and Hades looking very uncomfortable.

Well, Hestia looked uncomfortable. Hades just looked homicidal. Which was nothing new.

"Tell me again why I agreed to this?" Athena asked pleadingly.

"As I recall, you didn't." Hestia raised an eyebrow. "Apollo promised to stop annoying you, which _obviously_ was a lie, Aphrodite threatened to blackmail you, and Hermes pushed you out of the door and locked it."

Athena scowled. "Blackmail is illegal."

Scoffing, Hades took another sip of his drink. "Out of all the things we've done, I think blackmail is pretty mild in comparison."

"Where is everyone else?" Hestia asked, a little afraid of the answer.

Ares popped out from behind them. "I'm looking for my _babe_. My _other half_. The _ying_ to my _yang_. My very-"

"We didn't see Aphrodite anywhere. But I'm guessing she's somewhere among the masses of intoxicated adults convulsing on the most likely urine stained carpet." Athena quickly cut him off.

"Or in one of the bedrooms of you catch my drift." Apollo said rather loudly, causing them all to jump.

"Where the Hades did you come from?" Hestia stared at him. Athena just shrugged. Hades crossed his arms. "What have I told you about using my name as a swear word? Does anyone ever listen to me?"

Everyone ignored him like always. "I have to agree with Apollo here." Apollo whooped. "You're not an all powerful god anymore. And you're not exactly a charmer. Remember the Adonis incident?"

Ares glared at them all. "That's both rude and unhelpful."

"You know Aphrodite. She's probably fixing her makeup for the thousandth time in the bathroom." Hestia reasoned. Hades snorted. "Sure. Let's go with that."

They all quieted down for a bit. Surprising even themselves. After a few minutes, Hestia cleared her throat. "I'm burning up. It it way too hot in here. I'm going to find a drink." She got up, walking away determined.

"Get me a water bottle too!" Athena called after her.

* * *

They didn't have to wait long before Hestia came back not only with water bottles in her hands but a tray of brownies with Aphrodite, Hera, and all the others making their way to the couch.

"Yay! Brownies!" Apollo cheered. He took one and shoved it into his mouth. Artemis curled her lip in disgust.

"Well that's one way to shut him up." She shrugged.

Hades grabbed the tray, eager to eat something other than Sour Cream and Onion chips. "Where did you get these?" He asked, munching on one too. He passed the tray around and they all took a few, eating the brownies and smiling. All was calm for a while as they continued eating.

"Is it just me or does this brownie taste _goooood_?" Apollo smiled hazily. He started giggling.

"Nope!" Dionysus declared. "If I knew brownies were this good, I would've eat it more!"

Athena shook her head. "Noooo, brother. You're wrong! It's not eat. It's eat...eating...eat..." She paused before bursting out laughing, the others joining in even though they had no clue what was going on. "I don't know! Grammar," she shrugged, in hysterics, "who cares!"

"But you're so smart though!" Gushed Aphrodite. "You're like.. _.smart_. Like very smart. Like. _Soooo_ smart that...dolphins would be jealous." She nodded solemnly. Her speech growing louder in tone. "Because dolphins are smart. But not as smart as you! Fuck those dolphins!"

Throwing her arms around Aphrodite, Athena started to cry. "That was so beautiful!" She cried hysterically. "I love you so much. I _am_ smart! It's true."

The others watched the tender moment with tears in their eyes. Poseidon slapped Athena's back. "I agree. You are smarter than dolphins." He said nicely.

Athena sniffled. "I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Even though I'm smarter than you." She patted his cheek. "It's okay, you don't know any better." The girls continued to cry and hug each other while the guys chugged down their 'water' and began to dance.

"Come on my fellow Rangers! We are powerful. We are sexy. We are the **POWER RANGERS**. Let's dance!" Hermes shouted, followed by hoots and hollers. Even Hera nodded enthusiastically.

A remix of Just Dance by Lady Gaga was started to play and Hades jumped up. "THIS IS MY JAM GUYS." He yelled.

"WELL LET ME BE YOUR PEANUT BUTTER!" Poseidon yelled back. "DANCE WITH ME BROTHER!"

Poseidon grabbed his brother's hand and dragged him to the dance floor. They started to have a dance battle. Poseidon was doing a mix of the twist and the nay-nay, while Hades was alternating between the robot and the cha-cha. Neither of them were dancing anywhere near the realm of 'acceptable' but everyone was too drunk to care.

Dionysus tried to do the worm, but failed halfway through and just stayed on the floor.

Ares was chugging down his liquid courage as fast as he could. "Whoa there chief." Demeter giggled beside him. "What's going on sweet cheeks?"

"Aunty Dee Dee!" He gushed. Demeter winced at the nickname, even in her hazy stupor. "I just met the most beautiful girl I ever have never seen! I have to ask her out!"

Demeter raised her eyebrows. "Well. Where is this pistol you're so keen on?" Then furrowed her eyebrows. "Did I just say _pistol_?"

Her nephew pointed at a very familiar blonde who was currently drinking something pink with hearts in it.

He was pointing at Aphrodite.

 _His girlfriend_.

He wanted. To ask out. His girlfriend.

"Keep me posted." She finally shrugged. Putting her hands on his back and pushing him in the other direction. "Godspeed my young obiwan."

Apparently taking this as a blessing, Ares approached the woman of his dreams. "Hey girl. Did you fall from heaven because you're an angel."

"I actually did fall from the sky. Olympus! How did you know?" She whisper-shouted, slurring with her pink drink long forgotten.

Ares widened his eyes. "Me too!" He said, shocked. "We have," he hiccuped, "so much in _common_. Would you like to be my girlfriend?"

Aphrodite nodded. "Of course. But you can't tell my boyfriend! He'll get jealous." She looked around.

He shushed her and they giggled together. Oh, young love.

* * *

Meanwhile, Zeus on the ground sitting in a circle in a smoky basement with a group of people. He removed his mask, and he had a luau necklace.

"I never understood the true meaning of the clouds." He had a far away look on his face. "But now I do. Clouds are not just clouds."

The people around him nodded, entranced in his speech. "I see now that I don't seek the truth. I _am_ the truth. The truth lies in me like the truth lies in the clouds." He held up a ukulele, playing a few strings.

"I want to _see_ the thunder!"

In the other room, Ares was playing Mortal Kombat. He was wasn't very good at it, but he didn't seem to care. Aphrodite stole pom poms from a girl dressed as a cheerleader, and sang for her boyfriend.

"Two, four, seven, eight! Something, something, something, something!" Aphrodite cheered, jumping up and down on the sofa. "Gooooo baby!"

What she lacked in knowledge, she made up for with enthusiasm.

"Hey fatty!" Hephaestus shouted, which surprised everyone. They kind of forgot he was there. "I challenge YOU to a contest!" He pointed to Ares.

"These mortals want us to shotgun something." He continued. "I have no idea what they speak of, but I am sure I will will beat you nevertheless!"

Ares snorted. "Shotgun? I was born for this. Step aside you lesser beings!"

* * *

Shot gunning beer turned out to be be a very _not good_ idea. Actually it was just plain bad. And a mess.

Challenging drunk gods-turned-mortals was just asking for trouble. And singing. _Lot's_ of singing.

* * *

"I'm on the _high way to Hades_!" Apollo yelled. "Oooohh ohhh _h_ _ighway to Hades_!" He did a poor impression of an air guitar.

Laughs and singing could be heard as the group made their way through the night.

"I," declared Hermes. "have an _idea_."

He paused for a minute until realizing that everyone was looking at him. "Gosh, don't rush me! I think we should trick or treat!" Instead of yells of protest, nods were seen.

"I have to say." Admitted Artemis, giggling. "I'm not hating it, FedEx."

"You know what's wrong with that?" Hera tried to feign a serious face before collapsing into her own snickers. "Nothing! Nothing is wrong with that! Let's get some caaaandy!"

A whistle stopped their skipping. Athena had her hand up in a 'stop motion'. "We have to make this a challenge! One that I will surely win."

Ares nodded. He wanted to win a challenge after losing the drinking contest with Hephaestus.

Who knew the big guy could chug so fast...

"Yup a diddly doo." Apollo put two thumbs up. Which was very hard since both his hands were holding bowls of chips that they 'borrowed' from the party. "Whoever gets the most candy in one hour wins all the prizes!"

"Can't this be another drinking game?" Dionysus crossed his arms. Again this was hard since _he_ had the chip dip in both hands. Also 'borrowed from the party'.

Poseidon pushed him away. "I'm going to win! I'm going to win!" His singing was put to an end as Zeus threw a bag of chips at him.

"Now that is where you're wrong, brother!" He clarified. "Because I will win and gift my spoils of war to this lovely lady." He grabbed Hera's shoulders, who was too busy with a mouth full of tic tacs.

"You underestimate my powers!" Hades yelled in reply. He seemed lost in his world of 'air-bending'.

Hestia was glad to see her brothers getting along so splendidly. Even if they were threatening each other over trick or treating. Just as she was about to input her own abilities, she saw a figure in the distance. The figure was a man with long flowing hair. His eyes glowed with power. He seemed very tall and large.

"-estia! Auntie Hestia!" Aphrodite was pulling on her sleeve. "We're picking teams!"

"What's wrong sister?" Demeter said with a mouth full of fruit loops. Which she seemed to be addicted to now.

Looking back to the distance, Hestia saw that the figure was gone. "I could have sworn I saw..." She shook her head. "Nothing. It was nothing."

"Is it just me or does the air smell purple?" Interrupted Hermes. He continued to sniff the air, licking it occasionally.

A little kid ran up to them. "Power Rangers! I watch your show every day! Can I get an autograph?" He smiled brightly at all of them, his cowboy hat falling off his head.

Hades looked unimpressed. "No."

The little kid stopped smiling and his lip began to quiver.

"Nice going." Dionysus muttered. "Now we have to deal with Caillou the crybaby."

The kid started to blubber. "But...but I'm such a _huge fan_!"

"Tough noogies. Welcome to the real world kiddo." Hades looked not at all apologetic.

The kid ran away crying. Dionysus called after him. "Life is filled with disappointments you little shit!"

"So!" Athena chirped, not at all bothered by the events. "Where were we?"

"The challenge, the challenge! You fool of a Took!" Apollo cried.

"Oh it's on bitches."

* * *

 **Date: November 1st, 2015**

 **Time: 9:32 am**

"Is this what death feels like?" Groaned Artemis. "What in the world am I wearing? Is this an IKEA t-shirt?" She was indeed wearing an IKEA shirt with several pins.

Athena was sprawled across a bean bag chair with a questionable smell before being waken up by the sounds of shouting. "Get out of the bathroom Aphrodite! I'm going to throw up my guts and I'd rather not get blood on the carpet!" Hera was screeching, she was wearing a blue power ranger costume...

Zeus's costume.

Everyone clutched their ears as the screeching continued. Zeus winced. He had a black eye and was only dressed in a towel. "Honey. Remember we talked about using our _inside voices_?"

Hera looked thoughtful. "No. But I always tune you out, darling. You know that. You're a very boring story-teller." She nodded, then grabbed her head in pain.

They all looked to the door as they heard heavy breathing. Hermes crawled into the room wearing his sunglasses. His ankle was wrapped in bubble wrap, and looked pretty swollen. He seemed to give up and just laid motionless on the floor. Beside him was Dionysus, in a fetus position. He had a blanket over him, but his feet were sticking out. He was only wearing one sock that had toilets on it.

Given the situation, it seemed pretty ironic.

Hephaestus walked in holding a few water bottles. "Does anyone want a water bottle?" Everyone cringed.

"No water bottle." Hermes groaned. "Never again. _NEVER AGAIN_!"

"You know this is all your fault." A disgruntled Ares muttered.

Hermes immediately shot up, apparently forgetting about his fragile ankle. He took several minutes to compose himself before limping over to Ares. "Excuse you? I don't remember you putting up much of a fight! What's wrong? Wittle baby can't handle a wittle hangover?" He looked ridiculous with a swimming cap on and large sunglasses covering his face.

"I will put you in the ground." Ares tried to look intimidating.

Laughing, the shorter God pointed at Ares. "I will not be intimidated by someone wearing a _fedora_!"

Hermes paused. "Why are you wearing a fedora?" He asked.

Ares looked puzzled. Then touched his head.

He was indeed wearing a fedora.

"Why am I wearing a fedora?" He asked.

A groan was heard as the bump underneath the blaket started to move. "Please don't be a cell." Dionysus begged, and then cracked an eye open.

Everyone flinched again when a loud scream echoed through the place and the sounds of loud running echoed. Apollo ran through the door, only for Aphrodite to open the door at the same time and rush out. In the midst of their rushing they both bumped into each other, into Hera, and onto Hermes and Dionysus.

"APOLLO!" Hera pushed him off. "Get off me or I will beat you."

Hermes was quick to agree. "I'm with Cersei on this one." He raised his hand. "Bro, I love you. But you're killing me to death."

"Who's Cersei?" Hera inquired. She kicked Hermes and Apollo off of her. And looked strangely at Dionysus, who didn't even move throughout the chaos.

"A slightly terrifying lady who practices incest with her brother and enjoys wine and murdering people." Hermes smiled thoughtfully. "A lot like you."

He was once again cut off by Apollo screaming.

"Apollo, my broski. I appreciate you, I really do." He rubbed his eyes. "But this isn't your audition for a horror movie. Remember how that ended last time? Real blood and real screams. This isn't the time nor the-"

Hermes stopped talking as he stared at his brother. His broseph. His bromosapien. Who had green hair.

"You have green hair." Poseidon pointed out.

"Holy Snapple! Score for the big guy. Give this guy a medal!" Apollo whooped sarcastically. "I had no idea. That my hair was green!"

"Why is your hair green?" Zeus asked calmly, rubbing his temples. He really couldn't be bothered to deal with his dysfunctional family so early in the morning after a night out.

Apollo threw his hands up exasperatedly. "That's what I'd like to know! You and me both, pops. You and me both."

Dionysus decided it was a great time to interject. "Maybe this is why my hands are green." He waved his dyed hands around. "I vaguely remember dying your hair brown."

Rushing to the bathroom and running into his twin sister on the way, Apollo made his way to the bathroom before rushing back with a bottle in his hands. "It says _'GREEN HAIR DYE_ '." He howled. Pointing to the brown bottle.

Dionysus scratched his head. "Oh. I thought that was the name of the brand." He shrugged. "Why did you trust me to dye your precious hair then, rapunzel?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." Apollo whipped the bottle at Dionysus. "I assumed you were capable of reading a bottle with RED CAPITAL LETTERS!"

"Well you assumed wrong, goldilocks." Dionysus snickered. "Or should I call you Shrek? Yep. I'm going to start calling you Shrek."

Apollo didn't seemed amused. His precious locks were ruined and nobody seemed to care. "I can't deal with this right now. I have a headache. In my head!" He grabbed the fedora on the floor in an attempt to hide his hair. "My hair is green. Green hair. _Green_."

"I'm familiar with the color. I went to school, you know." Dionysus yawed. He needed drinks. Lots of drinks. All the drinks.

"Obviously not if you can't distinguish the brand name and the small text." Hermes put in. Apollo clapped him on the back.

Dionysus sighed, crossing his arms. "I _KNOW THAT NOW_."

"STOP YELLING!" An unknown voice rang through the chaos. Everyone immediately froze and stared at the unknown child.

"Who the fuck is he?" Ares asked nobody in particular. Then looked at the kid again. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Beautifully said." Hades nodded. Bags were under his eyes and he was wearing a pink 'I heart LA' t-shirt with black leather pants.

"I'm Diego." The kid raised one eyebrow. He was short, tan and chubby, wearing a Martian costume. "And I'm not a kid. I'm 10 already. You're all just very old."

"Did we kidnap a child?" Athena looked horrified.

"Ew." Aphrodite wrinkled her nose.

"I sure hope not." Poseidon said. He was shirtless, only paint covering his chest. "We didn't even ask for a ransom. Seems like a missed opportunity."

Everyone talked at once before Hestia interrupted them all. "I understand that we're all stressed. But we have to calm down and think this through!"

Murmurs of agreement were shared. "Maybe this is all just a crazy trippy dream." Athena rubbed her temples. "I just need some coffee."

"Yeah." Apollo agreed. "I could really go for some expresso."

Athena shook her head. "It's _espresso_. Not expresso." She corrected.

"No." Apollo started. "I'm pretty sure it's expresso."

"How is it expresso? It's an Italian word! The name is espresso."

Apollo shook his head again. "See that's where you're wrong my dear sister. Espresso is the brand of coffee."

"No it's NOT." Athena argued back.

"Yes it is." Apollo added slowly. "I think I'd remember seeing a damn label _Athena_! It's the one commercial with Penelope Cruz in it. And there's my homegirl Lana Del Rey's song."

"Okay." Athena started to stand up, her voice raising in volume. "The brand you're thinking of is _'Nespresso_ ', Wikipedia Brown. The actual _name_ of the coffee is called _ espresso_!"

"Very interesting information, children! But we need to regroup." Demeter quickly intervened before a fight broke out. The last thing they needed was more shouting. The neighbors already filed a complaint and Demeter really didn't feel like being kicked out of an apartment that wasn't even theirs. "I'm going to brew much needed caffeine."

* * *

"So what in Hades happened last night exactly? I'm wearing a swimming cap!"

They were all lounged around the living room that was in complete disorder. They were sipping the sweet nectar of coffee made from the coffee machine that they bought. (Pssh. Just kidding, they totally stole it.)

Apollo hummed, sipping his double shot espresso with several spoons of sugar that he smuggled because nobody trusted him with sugar.

"I'm not sure. All I know is that I just wanted to have a fun time socializing and being a normal person and BAM!" He pointed to his head. "One minute I'm at the height of my everlasting gorgeousness. And then before I know it...I'm a troll doll!"

"I think that's a pretty accurate description." Artemis nodded slowly. "I'm glad you can finally see the truth. The first step is admitting you have a problem."

Hermes, who was working his way through his fourth bag of Milk Duds and Coke, raised his hand. Everyone stared at him, confused.

"Hermes." Athena said slowly. "We're not in a 5th grade classroom. You don't need to raise your hand to speak."

He huffed. "Try to be polite and nobody appreciates your efforts." Hermes took a huge gulp of coke before crushing it and throwing it behind him. "I don't remember much of yesterday night. I do remember getting into a fight with a vending machine."

"How in hell does someone get into a fight with vending machine?"

Hermes looked at Athena like she was the crazy one. "How doesn't someone get into a fight with a vending machine? Little fuckers take your money and give you something you could've bought three times cheaper!" He threw up his hands in exasperation.

"When have you ever paid for anything?" Dionysus asked, honestly confused.

"Hey!" Hermes crossed his arms, offended. "I happen to be a very moral person when I want. Granted, that's usually never. But that doesn't mean I can't not steal."

"Riiiight." Poseidon looked skeptical.

"We have to retrace our steps from last night." Zeus cut in. "I have to find out why I'm wearing a towel. And why do I look like I've been beaten up?" He looked at a mirror studying his face, and put a blanket on.

"You always look like that to me." Hades deadpanned.

* * *

"So you're telling me that we left the party early," Athena paced around Hermes, "because you wanted a damn _jar of pickles_?"

"Chill out sister." He put his arms up in defense. "I only said that because _you_ wanted to find a grocery store anyway! You were moaning on and on about how you wanted string cheese."

Athena crossed her arms. "That doesn't sound like me." She pouted.

"Hey." He shrugged. "You're preaching to the choir."

"I'm pretty sure it was those brownies." Demeter sighed. "How could people do something so cruel with wheat?"

"Enough with your damn wheat, woman! We get it! You like wheat!" Hades snapped. "Change the subject once in a while. Alternate, damnit. Alternate!"

Aphrodite whistled. "Someone's on their man-struel cycle." She whispered.

"Thanks a lot Aunt Hestia! Look where your shitty life decisions led us to." Apollo threw a juice box at her head. She caught it before whipping it back at his face.

"Why would it be brownies?" Hestia glared at them all. "That doesn't make any sense!" She wasn't having a good day. Her belly button was sticky and she didn't know why. Although she vaguely remembers the smell of tequila, and someone licking her.

"Obviously you don't understand how drugs work." Zeus concluded.

"Back on topic, guys!" Athena clapped her hands. "What else did we do?"

"Oh! Oh! I do!" Apollo jumped up. "We had that trick or treat challenge! Me and Hermes were obviously winning-"

"No you weren't!" Ares interrupted. "We were." He said, pointing at him and Aphrodite.

"As I was saying," Apollo glared at Ares, "Hermes and I took off in the direction of the big houses. Bigger houses, more candy right?"

"And if they had no candy, we could always break in and steal it." Hermes added in. He got flat stares in response. "What? They're rich. They can afford to buy a $4 bag of Kit Kats. Why am I in the wrong here?"

"So me and my brotatochip we're doing our thing." Apollo continued. "We were doing our usual ' _we shouldn't be doing this_ ' things..."

* * *

 _"One monkey, two monkey, three monkey, four." Apollo jumped on the trampoline._

 _Hermes was laying on the trampoline, gazing at the sky. "Look at the beautiful stars."_

* * *

"Wait..." Artemis cut in. "Stars? There are no visible stars in Los Angeles." She said bitterly.

"And a trampoline? Did you break into someone's back yard?" Hera just looked defeated.

"May I please continue with my story-telling please?" Hermes yelled.

"Fine. Fine." Artemis rolled her eyes. "By all means." She waved at him to continue.

* * *

 _"What kind of child am I? Who am I in the vast wilderness of space?"_

 _Hermes sighed. "Sometimes me thinks. 'Where are we?' Like. We're this TINY SPECK in this TINY galaxy in this TINY universe. What is the point? Why do we matter."_

 _He inspected his hands. "What if there are tiny people that live on our hands." He gasped. "And whenever we wash our hands, it's like a tsunami."_

 _Hermes gently stroked one hand. "Oh no Sir Hand! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to drown your village." He sat upright as if he suddenly had an epiphany. "I feel like we're supposed to be doing something."_

 _Apollo sat down next to him. "Yeah. It's at the tippy toe of my tippy tongue. I can't figure out if I remember it." He closed his eyes, quieting for a few minutes._

 _"What is he doing." Hermes whispered to the spirits present._

 _Apollo shushed him. "I'm going into my memory castle." He paused. "More like memory bachelor pad with a sunken in living room and plasma TV, but you catch my wave, Broseph Stalin?"_

 _"But what is a plasma TV?" Hermes asked seriously. "What makes it soooo plasma? Misleading fucking liars."_

 _Apollo jumped up, grabbing his brothers shoulders. "I got it! I got it!" He yelled happily. "We need to get candy!"_

 _"You're a genius man!" Hermes gushed. "You're the smartest person I know. Except Athena. But she smells like an owlery. And she's just a mess in general."_

* * *

"I never said that, dude!" Hermes yelped, ducking a shoe. Athena glared at him.

"You totally did." Apollo said matter-of-factly. "I heard it with my own ears."

Artemis scoffed. "And you're word is so reliable?"

Hermes slammed the table. "The point is." He insisted. "That I did not say that."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did _too_."

"Did _not_."

"Did-"

"Jesus, why do I put up with their shit." Dionysus groaned. "Get back to the story Phineas and Ferb!"

* * *

 _Apollo and Hermes made their way around the neighborhood. Knocking on a door, Apollo sang, "Trick or Treat. Smell my feet. Gimme something good to eat!"_

 _Nobody answered the door. The lights were closed. Apollo knocked louder. "I SAID TRICK OR TREAT YOU BASTARDS!" He looked inside the window and saw a bucket of candy._

 _Hermes pulled his brother back. "I got this, ese." He pulled out a credit card._

* * *

"You broke into somebody's house?!" Hera cried hysterically.

"They had enough candy." Hermes defended. "I was doing them a favor! Saving them from a lifetime of type 2 diabetes and cavities!"

"Okay." Hestia interjected. "So what happened after?"

Apollo waved noncommittally. "Apparently we were too loud." He made air quotes. "Which is ridiculous because our ninja skills are unparalleled."

"Your modesty leaves something to be desired." Athena shook her head.

"After that." Apollo ignored her. "The police were called."

"The POLICE were called?" Hera screamed again. "What did you DO?"

"Hera." Hades laced his fingers. "If you could abstain your horrid shrieking, that would be marvelous. It's both unappealing and not helpful." He then motioned for the boys to continue.

Apollo shrugged. "Not much else to say. Hermes got distracted by the dog-"

"It was a cute dog!" Hermes protested.

"-and the little scumbag ratted us out." He sighed. "Long story short, the man of the house had a shotgun and Hermes accidentally kicked the ceiling fan."

Athena looked at Hermes, genuinely curious. "How did you manage to accidentally kick a ceiling fan?"

"I'm not exactly sure." He shrugged. "But I do know it involves a lot of spinning and a broom."

Apollo decided it was time to continue his story. "So then we ran away, stole a tandem bike-"

Hermes shuddered at the memory.

"-and found Aphrodite and Ares." He finished.

Aphrodite squealed as she was mentioned. "Now it's my turn to tell the story!" She put down her powdered donut and clapped happily.

"So I was walking along with my darling and we were collecting candy...legally might I add..."

* * *

 _Aphrodite smiled sweetly at the little kids. "Come on honey. Give us the candy."_

 _The girl tried to run away, but Aphrodite blocked her way. Her smile was tight, and she laughed hysterically._

 _"Where you heading, sugar?" She leaned over her, eyes shining with insanity. "Give us the candy. And nobody gets hurt."_

 _When the boy tried to run away, Ares blocked his way again. "Listen punk." He growled out. "Hand over the damn bucket or I'll turn YOU into a snickers bar."_

 _Both children threw their buckets and ran as fast as they could in the other direction._

 _Ares collected the candy and have a Hershey's bar to Aphrodite, who bit into the plastic, smiling wildly._

 _"And that's how it's done."_

* * *

"Stealing candy from children isn't _legal_ Aphrodite!"

Zeus just pinched his nose. "I'm not even surprised." He shook his head.

"Well at least I was being my amazing polite self." Aphrodite looked miffed. "Unlike some drunkards."

"That would be me!" Dionysus raised his hand. "I _was_ being polite, Princess Peach..."

* * *

 _"Aren't you a little old to be trick or treating?" The older lady frowned judgingly. "Shouldn't you be studying?"_

 _"Shouldn't you be knitting something grandma?" Dionysus retorted. "Or on the floor. You don't seem to have Life Alert. Bad decision, Betty White."_

 _The lady gasped. "I'll have you know I'm only 54." She scowled._

 _"Could've fooled me." He shrugged._

* * *

Hestia gasped. "That's a horrible thing to say!" She looked at Hera. "Aren't you going to say anything."

"No." Hera shrugged. "He's right. 54 is old."

Everyone stared at her. "We are literally all thousands of years old, you harpy." Hades said in exasperation.

Hera just hit Dionysus on the back of his head for him to continue.

* * *

 _Dionysus whistled peacefully as the old woman glared at him._

 _"Soooo." He smiled widely. "Where's the candy?" He looked around as if it were hiding behind the flower pot. All he got in response was a slammed door to the face._

* * *

"Should've seen that coming." Dionysus murmured to himself.

"And then what happened?" Demeter urged on.

"And then I met Bonnie and Clyde, and the Wonder twins." He pointed to the foursome across from him. "And we met up with all of you. It started to rain so we went inside a 24 hour grocery store."

Apollo sighed happily. "Gods bless 24 hour stores."

Athena cleared her throat. "I just remember yelling at the fruit guy." She looked lost in thought, trying to remember what happened.

Poseidon laughed. "The poor guy! You kept yelling 'Cheese, mortal. Cheese!' at him. You went completely 'Rambo' on him."

* * *

 _"Grated cheese. Sliced cheese. Parmesan cheese. Powdered cheese." Athena listed off as she through the different cheeses on the ground, growing more and more agitated. "Where is the damn string cheese. You had one job. One. Job!"_

 _Hades skipped up to her. "I am now the proud owner of aisle 12." He shouted. Athena ignored him and continued to throw various cheeses from the fridge. She entered the fridge in search of her precious string cheese. Hades shrugged and skipped away, carrying a 30 fluid ounce bottle iced tea and batteries._

 _Apollo was piggyback riding Dionysus. "I want brown hair. My blonde hair is sooo boring. I need a new look. I trust you D!"_

 _Still growling to herself, Athena didn't realize she was being watched._

 _"Ma'am." A young man said carefully. "Can I help you?"_

 _Athena whipped around and fell on the canned corn. She got back up and pointed her finger at him._

 _"You." She started. "YOU!"_

 _"Me?" He asked, confused._

 _"You're hiding the string cheese from me!" Athena grabbed him by his collar. "Dammit man. Give me the goods!"_

 _10 minutes later, Athena was perched on the frozen aisle, eating string cheese dipped in marinara sauce._

 _Hermes passed her on roller skates, eating from a jar of pickles. She didn't even blink._

 _Demeter ran up to her, full of excitement. "Athena my darling!" She cried. "I had the most brilliant epiphany." Athena stared at her blankly._

 _"I was eating bread. Like the sliced bread. When I thought to myself...what if I put something in between the slices?" Demeter grinned to herself. "So I took some random stuff. Peanut butter and jelly. Who'da thunk they would go together so wonderfully!"_

 _"So," Demeter continued, "I put the two slices together and ate the double-slice-invention. I really think it will catch on!"_

 _Again, Athena remained silent._

 _"I think it's a wonderful idea too!" Demeter gushed._

* * *

"So Demeter is coo coo for coco puffs." Poseidon shrugged. "I could've told you that."

"Then I remember..." Athena started, and they all looked at each other.

"IKEA!" Everyone shouted.

* * *

 **Location: IKEA**

 **Date: October 31st, 2015**

 **Time: 10:30 pm**

After a left, a right, several trips on the bus, and walking through a golf course, the grouped stood face to face with a very large building.

The Swedish Purgatory.

The labyrinth of lost souls.

 _IKEA_

Running, Apollo jumped into a cart and pointed to the doors. "Onwards my faithful servant! To Sparta we go!"

Hermes took this as a cue to push his brother into the store. "Land ho my good sir!" He shouted, taking off into the entrance and into an elevator. "Catch up you bumbling slow pokes!"

Dionysus was wearing a wine bra and was currently sipping wine as he stumbled forwards and promptly walked into the glass doors.

"Oh, excuse me sir." He said apologetically.

Hades walked to the escalator moving downwards and tried to climb up.

"How dare you not allow me upwards!" He thundered. "I am the lord of the underworld, peasants!"

* * *

An hour later found them all spread out throughout the humongous store.

Aphrodite and Ares were testing their love and trying to build a table.

"NOT THAT NAIL, THE _OTHER_ NAIL." Aphrodite screeched.

"THERE _IS_ NO OTHER NAIL!" Ares roared back.

"You are so stupid! The paper says-

"-the paper is in Swedish, Aphrodite! I don't speak fucking Swedish! Maybe if you-"

"-to build the damn table, you need to put the left on the left. NOT on the right. Gosh are you _blind?_ I should've stayed with Hephaestus-"

"-weren't such an irritating hussy, we wouldn't be having this problem!"

They both stared at each other before laughing and holding hands, running to the bedroom area.

Just as they were about to play 'find the cucumber', Hermes jumped out of the wardrobe and yelled. "ASLAN! It is for you that I ready my sword! FOR NARNIA!"

"Why are you wearing a swimming cap?" Ares groaned. He needed to find a quiet place.

"To protect me from the aliens." Hermes replied in a 'duh' tone.

* * *

In the lights section, Hera, Hestia and Demeter were sitting cross legged, surrounded by candles. Hestia was sitting with her legs folded, meditating.

"What if," Hera started, "we are all just candles in this universe? What if everything around us is darkness and we're the shining beacons that light our own way?"

Demeter was still eating her bread. "Hush, my sister. Be at peace."

"I can feel." Hera realized. "My heartbeat."

"What if your heartbeat isn't your heartbeat? But a trapped soul inside you that got lost on the way to enlightenment." Demeter reasoned.

Hera screamed. "Oh no! This poor soul!" She started to take off her costume, but only managed halfway before falling on the shelf and knocking them all down.

Suddenly Zeus was behind her. "My darling favorite wife!" He slurred. "I don't want you to be naked."

He took off his costume and handed it to her, not at all worried about his current state of undress.

* * *

 _"That's where I lost my pants!"_

 _"Hush, darling."_

* * *

Hera grabbed the towel under her and threw it at him.

Dionysus and Hephaestus were at the restaurant, calmly eating meatballs, when Hades ran up to them soaking wet.

"My brethren!" He skidded to a halt. "I'm wet!"

"Slow your roll there buddy." Dionysus didn't look up from his meatballs. "That is way too much information for me."

"What I mean." Hades continued. "Is that my moron brother sprayed his hose on me."

Hephaestus shook his head. "Not much better."

Hades flipped the table, then calmly sat on their bench.

"Poseidon was flirting with a goldfish. I left after he started to stroke the glass. But before I left, I told him she was ugly. And he watered me down." Hades sniffed himself. "At least I hope it's water."

"And this is our problem because...?" Dionysus promoted.

"Because I don't need to get hypothermia and die a horribly slow and painful death."

Hephaestus nodded and threw him a pair of leather pants.

"Where did you get leather pants from?" Hades asked. He was answered by a finger pointing at a sign. 'Lost and Found'

"Bingo!" He cheered.

Unfortunately, not everyone had the best of luck.

* * *

Artemis and Apollo were lost.

They made a fort with curtains and plastic, living off of crackers and their tears.

"Where did you come from, where did you go?" Artemis sang sadly. "Where did you come from cotton eye joe?"

She got cold and decided to take an IKEA t-shirt from the shelf.

Suddenly, their savior came in the form of a disgruntled looking Athena, who was reading an instruction manual for a dressing mirror. "These characters are hopeless! How will they ever find love?"

* * *

Everyone was mulling over what they remembered.

"But I don't remember the kid." Ares frowned. "How did we get the kid?"

Aphrodite shrugged. "Why don't we just ask him."

"Listen up short stack-" He froze.

They all looked over to the front door that was wide open. The kid was gone.

Artemis rubbed her temples. "We're in trouble, aren't we?"

There was a chorus of exhausted yes's.

* * *

 **DUN DUN DUUUUUN...**

 **I should really stop.**

 **So how was that? It was pretty long, if I do say so myself, but I decided that I was going to do whatever and PRESTO: here it is. Also, I won't be able to update in a few weeks. (For 2 weeks about) because I have a important exam to do. DAMN YOU EDUCATION SYSTEM!**

 **So next chapter: How will they deal with their hangovers? Will they ever find the mysterious Diego? Will Apollo ever get back his luscious locks?**

 **(I have an obsession with hair, I apologize.)**

 **~Unitato Out**


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